4 Barriers to a Healthy Marriage

Lance and his wife discuss barriers to a healthy marriage based on Biblical principles and their 21 years of marriage, counseling, and the  tools they have used and taught to others. Early in their marriage, Lance and his wife almost divorced but successfully turned the marriage around using these insights.


Top 10 Ways To Build Up Your Wife (And Electrify Your Marriage)

"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7 ESV

I challenge you to think about this verse often.  Repeat it.  Memorize it.  Live it. Love it.  Breathe it.  And when your forget it, repeat these steps again. 

These are the TOP 10 ways to build your wife up (and electrify your marriage)

1) Pray for your wife daily – ask God to guide your way and your mood and your approaching her.  Remember that she is a daughter of the King.  He has given you the right to be married to His daughter.  It would behoove you to remember that when you meet him at the Judgement Seat of Christ that He will ask you what you did for his kingdom, how you treated His treasures (your time, talent and treasure).  He will ask you how you treated your children and the least of these and how you loved and affirmed and cared for your wife (His daughter) – don’t blow it!

2) Love your wife  do not withhold love from her. Love her unconditionally. Do not forget #1.  Remember to kiss her, to hug her, to love her.  Communicate with her and tell her you dreams and struggles, share life together.  To serve her better, read 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5.

3) Serve your wife – yes, you work long hours (most men do) yes, you are likely the main bread winner.  Yes, the world (we think) revolves us, BUT remember to keep engaged with her. Great Men often have to pull a double shift every day. Fight for her time, attention, affection and love.  Serve her, comfort her and attend her – no matter what.  Even if she is a hard woman, even if she doesn’t want to be loved anymore by you.  Even if she doesn’t return those attributes to you (be the servant leader, do not discard your duties.)

4) Read God’s Word daily – the more you put God’s word in your life, the more His ways center your ways, which will help you love your wife more.

5) Die to self, live for her.  When you were dating your wife before marriage, you could not do anything more to please her, pursue her, and to love her – so why did you stop now or lessen this intensity.  You’re a man!  You have talent – You can do this – Step it up!  Man up! #DateYourWife

6) Sing to her– unless your voice is abysmal, then play music for her or learn the piano/guitar and serenade here just with the music or radio and a smile

7) If you are blessed to have kids with this treasure of a wife – then be a fully engaged dad.  Roll up your sleeves.  “Get in the game, Maverick!” (reference Top Gun).  She will love you more for that – trust me and our kids desire no less.

8) Affirm her – let her know that she is wonderful, BUT together you two can be great(er)!

9) Care for her – don’t talk down to her.  Do not belittle her.  No matter how mad she gets you, don’t ever degrade her to your friends, children or family – remember whose daughter she is.

10) If you are already doing number 1 thru 9 – don’t celebrate yet.  As spiritual leader you have to raise up your family.  You have to love, comfort and urge your wife to live a life worthy of God.  Pray for her, Pray with her.  Get a PhD in your wife.  Even if you are not doing 1 thru 9, step 10 is the beginning and the key to igniting a pathway to God’s plans for you and your marriage.

What are some of your lists?