Crowns....

Lately, I have been mentoring 2 men (and walking with a high school student) and have been reading James and Timothy with two of the men.  I have been intrigued with these two writers, and as you know, James is one of my favorite books of the Bible.  The one thing that has been catching my attention these days is the reference to crowns that we, as Christians, can strive for:  The Crown of Life, The  Incorruptible Crown, the Crown of Rejoicing, The Crown of Righteousness and the Crown of Glory.  We are not only called to be disciples, we are called to holy priests.  We are called to finish well.  This isn't a sprint where we are done in three years and are left out in the fields to graze until retirement.  Jesus want more, for he paid the ultimate price.

In James 1:12, we read, "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.  Revelation 2:10 states, "Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life."  James tells us in his first chapter to consider it pure joy when we face trials and tribulations that if we do so we will persevere and grow in spiritual maturity.

Do not take this crown for granted, it is something that God promises us if we endure.  I believe that this is not saying that we don't fall short or fail or miss opportunities to learn and to be an effective witness.  Jesus tells us in the book of John that nothing can take us away from the Father once we are saved.  Our sins are forgiven  (sins of the past, the present and the future are bought and paid for) there is nothing else we can do to earn this grace and mercy.  This crown is meant for our testing (as disciples) and for our endurance to receive this crown.

The Incorruptible Crown is found in 1 Thessalonians 2:19, "For what is our hope or joy or crown of boasting before our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you?"    1 Corinthians 9:24-27 states, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. ²⁵ Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. ²⁶ So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. ²⁷ But I discipline my body and keep it under control,^[a] lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."  Some reference have been made to this crown for those who are good and faithful servants.  These are men and women who can be trusted to do the task that God sets before them.  I would even inject the Book of James into this by saying don't just hear the words (of the Bible) do what they say.

The third crown to strive for is the Crown of Glory.  1 Peter 5:4English Standard Version (ESV) ⁴ And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.   I believe that this is the crown for those who faithfully teach and preach God's word.  This is a crown for those who are the first chair Christians.  They are engaged and not only engaged but are in the game and their sleeves are rolled up.  For we are 10,  But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. ⁸ We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; ¹⁰ always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."

The Crown of Righteousness, 2 Timothy 4:8, "Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing." The choice of the disciple in this process is to move away from the old self and strive to live in our new self.  That is, one who is humble and willing to say that even though I still sin, I keep a humble heart and repenting heart attitude toward my daily walk.  I call this crown the "trust" crown.  Proverbs 3, "5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,  and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  7 Be not wise in your own eyes;  fear the Lord, and turn away from evil."  The most awesome thing about this crown is that there is nothing we do to earn it.  That is, to say, that because of Jesus's (his sacrifice and resurrection) righteousness has been imputed on us - how awesome is that!

The final crown that we should strive for is the Crown of Rejoicing.  1 Thessalonians 2:19, "For what is our hope or joy or crown of boasting before our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you?"  Philippians 4:4, "4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice."  We often find people around us, books, television and movies asking the proverbial question, "Why are we here?  What is my purpose in this life?"  In Luke 15:7 we get a much clearer endgame perspective, "7 Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."  Also in Revelation 21:4, "4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”  This crown is often called the "soul-winner's crown".  This side of heaven we will truly never know how much our lives impact others.  When you put that into perspective it is a huge task and ask for us to follow Jesus's model with his disciples, that is, to go and make disciples throughout all the earth.  He doesn't want just followers (benchwarmers) rather, he wants DISCIPLES!

I am not sure about you, but the idea that I can have the opportunity to pursue 5 crowns through my christian walk simply energizes me to finish well.  The thing about this pursuit for me is that none are possible to achieve on my own volition.  This is a gift from God through His Son, Jesus Christ, who paid for my sins and because of his death and resurrection, I am free to pursue these crowns.  The joy of this is that I can have the opportunity to take these crown (like the Elders around heaven) and throw them at the feet of Jesus - For only He is worthy.

To God be the Glory Forever and Ever, Amen.Blessings,

Dante

By the way, which crown are you pursuing now?

The least of these....most of us

James 1:27

English Standard Version (ESV)

27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, andto keep oneself unstained from the world.

Matthew 25:31-45

English Standard Version (ESV)

The Final Judgment

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne.32 Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separatesthe sheep from the goats. 33 And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,[a] you did it to me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’

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This morning at our church we had our old teaching pastor and his younger brother (who is disabled and was deemed unworthy of completing seminary due to his condition) teach at our church.  This weekend was to highlight our Reflectors ministry in helping those families that have disabled members.  There was a staggering statistic that 20% of families have disabled family members and that a good portion of these families do not attend a church because either the church cannot handle them, does not welcome them or simply does not carry their burdens (will explain that statement later).

I want to praise our church leadership and the Reflectors ministry leader (aka Vinnie).  I want to thank the leadership for "getting out of the boat" and out of our comfort zone into a ministry that clearly bears the fruit of the Spirit on this ministry.  What compels me to write this post are this:

• We are all broken (a sinful people separated from God if we do not have his Son, Jesus, as our savior)
• We, like Chris (the Pastor's little brother), are broken and twisted inside if we lack the knowledge of Jesus as savior
• We need Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God in our lives
• We cannot do this on our own
• When we are the body of Christ, doing what God calls us to do, instead of what we think we ought to do, God moves in mighty ways
• We need to let go and let God.

This ministry impacted me in a very mighty way a few months back.  As an elder of this church we have to meet with new members (people need to attend our discovery class before they can join and we have to make sure that they know the Lord as Savior as they want to become part of the body of Christ at our church).  Well, I had the pleasure to meet a single mother who had a special needs child.  She asked to meet with me and another elder.  I recognized the name immediately and was glad to meet with her with another elder and myself.  Several years ago (about  10 to 12 years ago) I was, at that time, taking the train into work and would talk to her in the morning.  We would talk about faith and about her son and about life.  I would encourage her to visit our church, but up until just this past year, she never wanted to attempt "church" with her son due to his special needs.  Once, however, the Reflectors ministry took off, more of her friends planted the seed and she eventually came and brought her son.  Upon the first visit she was hooked and then proceeded to join our church.  She wanted to meet me because she heard my name in church as an Elder and wanted to personally thank me for inviting her.  What struck me was how God works on His timing - 10 years he has been working on this lady and was faithful through it all - praise God!

In the message today, Pastor Jeff shared how some families would take their special needs children to various churches and that these bodies would treat them as outcast and would isolate them in such a way that they felt like they weren't welcome.  Things like moving away from where they were sitting to completely being shut-off from the body.  I don't blame the church for this, I blame the ignorance of myself and others who don't understand God's love and His son's heart for the broken.  Because, if I am honest enough, I am like this special needs child whose head (Jesus being our head) is not connected to my sinful body.  Somehow, I need the receptors and neurons and chords and nerves to work and because of my sin - they don't connect.  Once I accepted Jesus in my heart and He called me to be his own -that all changed.

As disciples of Christ we are called to be pure, to be holy and to get out of the proverbial boat.  We are called to be the body of Christ.  We are called to do to the least of these.  We are the least of these in our broken bodies.  Sin separating us from a holy and righteous God - thank you Jesus for what you have done for us.

Jesus is asking us today to do to the least of these as we have done to him.  That is a lesson that I never want to forget.  This was a message that rings truth in my heart, ears, head and soul.

The challenge that we were left with was to:

Serve these needs for the least of these (the least in ourselves, that is, we are all broken)

Treat them as ourselves (special needs are still one of us)

To care for them like we care for our bodies

To love them

The biggest thing that struck me today was watching the parents of those children who were singing with Vinnie and our worship team this morning.  They were smiling and praising God for a church body who told them that they belong to our body.  That we love them and that we are have to carry each others burdens.  I love my church!  I love a God who gave His only son for us.  I love this God who gives me second and third and multiple chances to get out of my way to to follow his Way!

Blessings,

Dante

6 Ways To Build Everyday Character Into Our Children: Part 2

In the late 90′s, Dr. Thomas Stanley of the University of Georgia set out to research and discover the traits of the top leaders, innovators and achievers in various professional industries. Dr. Stanley’s goal was to find out what made these achievers different then the rest of the population and how we too could be more like them. Dr. Stanley’s colleagues initially thought Intelligence (GPA), Top College Attendance and Luck would rank among the top factors for these achievers success. But these factors did not even make the top 10 list.

After thousands of interviews, Dr. Stanley discovered that a person’s intelligence (Most of the subjects were B and C students), college attendance nor luck had much to do with their overall achievement. Almost all of the top 10 factors cited by thousands of these achievers and leaders were character traits learned in the home or through life experience and work.

Therefore (according to Stanley’s research) if we as parents want to truly give our children an advantage in life, we should focus on modeling and building character into our children each and every day.

In this series we will explore 6 ways we can build character into our children on a daily basis:

#2 – Integrity

Integrity can be easily defined as doing what's right even when no one is looking.  Even if no one will find out, even if there is a shortcut.

There was once a time when a man's word was his bond, his honor meant everything and men would duel to the death to defend their word and honor.

Ask anyone who has fallen from grace for lack of integrity and they will tell you it does not happen all of a sudden, it's the slow, daily cutting of corners and "little white lies" that eventually snowball into full blown criminal and immoral actions.

As a parent, whether we like it or not, we are living a 24/7 character profession.  What we do and the examples we set are much more powerful than the words we speak.

If we ask our own children to lie about their age for a measly couple of dollars off an admission ticket, what example are we showing them.

This message from the 80's rang true then and now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfj3dPkeaqI

Our children learn the importance of integrity when they see their parents valuing truth and living out our moral convictions.

Proverbs 20:7 NASB says "A righteous man who walks in his integrity, How blessed are his sons after him."

Moral Convictions are what a person is willing to die for.

Until you have something worth dying for, you have nothing worth living for.

I often ask atheists this question.  I myself cannot understand living a life simply for my own pleasure with no ultimate reason or higher purpose.  It just seems pointless.

Four convictions worth dying for in our home are: Faith, Family, Friends and Freedom.   

On top of this, we strive to model these convictions in positive ways not negative ways.  We don't go around talking badly about those who criticize us or do not share our beliefs or political opinions.

My kids hear everything that comes out of my mouth.  At party's, gatherings and social events.

Research by David Kinnaman shows that most people know Christians for what they are against (homosexuality, abortion) than what they are for.  They see Christians as a negative group of people and don't want to be apart of that type of negativity.

The following are some practical ways to model integrity on a daily basis to our children:

1. Obey traffic laws and show respect and honor to law enforcement officials.

2. Don't talk or text on your phone while driving.

3. Never ask your children to lie for you.

4. Take responsibility for your own mistakes and make no excuses.  Ask forgiveness for wrongdoings.

5. Fathers, never allow your children to disrespect their mother.

6. Give you children tasks or assignments that require their follow-through without supervision.  Check back to see if they follow through and carry out your instructions on your own.

Stay Tuned for our next trait:  Poise

Defending your faith against pornography - Are you a true disciple...

por·nog·ra·phy

[pawr-nog-ruh-fee]  Show IPA

noun

obscene writings, drawings, photographs, or the like, especially those having little or no artistic merit.

Word Origin & Historypornography

1857, "description of prostitutes," from Fr. pornographie, from

Gk.pornographo s " (one) writing of prostitutes," from porne "prostitute,"originally "bought, purchased" (with an original notion, probably of"female slave sold for prostitution;" related to pernanai "to sell," fromPIE root per- "to traffic

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I am not the man that I used to be!  That being said, I struggle daily with sin and temptation and trying not to follow the ways of this world.  Below you will note scripture references that will be used for this post.  Before I begin with the subject line of this post, I wanted to clarify a few points:

• There is nothing I can do to earn salvation
• I am a sinner saved by grace
• I have confessed that I am a sinner, that I need Jesus, that I believe that he was born of a virgin, lived a perfect life, died on a cross and rose again and now sits at the right hand of God the Father (Romans 10:9)
• Because Jesus is my personal savior, the sins of my past, present and future are forgiven - ONCE & FOR ALL TIME!
• Nothing I can do on my own, all things come from God above
• My call to discipleship is my sanctification - to turn from this flesh and to do the will of God (share the good news, let the Holy Spirit who dwells in me sanctify me, to finish well)

Men, I want to state one thing about pornography - It is from the pit of hell!  It is not God's will that we corrupt our temples (our bodies) by defiling it with obscenity and crude acts of behavior.  To be a true disciple of Christ is to avoid the ways of this world.  How can I say this, simple, Jesus not only points us to the 10 commandments, he takes it further.  First of all, he says that we should not commit adultery, but he tells us that if we look lustfully upon another woman that we have already committed adultery in our hearts.  He says that we are not to murder our brother, yet he goes further and says that if we hate our brother we have already committed murder.  There is no minced words here. We are called to be holy.  We are called to be pure and we are called to avoid the ways of this world.

Impure thoughts are rampant in pornography.  It feeds our desires and destroys the marriage bed - meaning pornography takes more and more and gives less and less.  Images scar our brains and defile our temples (our bodies).  By feeding this lust, we corrupt our purity.

When we give into these fleshly desires we leave ourselves wide open for spiritual attack - we are weakened - we are neutralized as disciples of Christ.  If you say that you don't see a problem with pornography then I beg you to defend your position against scripture - against the verses listed below.

Some disturbing facts about porn:More Alarming Facts:

• 35% of all internet downloads are pornographic
• 43% of all internet users view pornographic material (1 out of 3 are female)
• For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography
• Sex & porn are among the 5 top search terms for kids under 18
• The average age of first internet exposure and pornography is 11 years old
• Half of all hotel guests order pornographic movies
• 38% of adults think it is morally acceptable to look at pictures of nudity and sexual behavior
• The pornography industry, according to conservative estimates, brings in $57 billion per year, of which the United States is responsible for $12 billion.

(more stats available at xxxchurch.com)

5 ways to help you from Porn:

1. Get accountability in your life (brothers in a men's bible study, software for your computer, for your smartphones and so on)
2. Memorize Scripture - Job 31:1 - I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully upon another woman
3. Get professional biblical counseling
4. Confess your sin(s) to your brothers
5. Pray and read God's word daily (and move temptations away from your grasp)

Scripture references:

Matthew 5:28 ESV / 616 helpful votes

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 ESV / 487 helpful votes

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Psalm 119:37 ESV / 459 helpful votes

Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV / 402 helpful votes

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 John 2:16 ESV / 273 helpful votes

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

Philippians 4:8 ESV / 164 helpful votes

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Hebrews 13:4 ESV / 147 helpful votes

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Ephesians 6:11-17 ESV / 145 helpful votes

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.

1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV / 136 helpful votes

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Psalm 119:9-10 ESV / 129 helpful votes

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!

Galatians 5:19 ESV / 128 helpful votes

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,

Proverbs 7:21-27 ESV / 121 helpful votes

With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths,

1 Corinthians 6:9 ESV / 103 helpful votes

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,

Job 31:1 ESV / 100 helpful votes

“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?

Patterns and Healthy Habits

Patterns and Healthy Habits

2 Timothy 1 English Standard Version (ESV)

Guard the Deposit Entrusted to You

³ I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. ⁴ As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. ⁵ I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. ⁶ For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, ⁷ for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.  ⁸ Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, ⁹ who saved us and called us to^[a] a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began,^{[b] 10} and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, ¹¹ for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, ¹² which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.^{[c] 13} Follow the pattern of the sound^[d] words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. ¹⁴ By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you

I have been very blessed this past several weeks as I get to be intentional in mentoring and walking in accountability with some of my dear brothers in Men of Faith.  One brother of mine and I have been sharpening and challenging each other to grow spiritually.  He is older than me, but asked if I would mentor him.  I accepted on what condition, that he would mentor me as well, that this would be a give and take relationship.  This has been very rewarding and yet humbling for me.  Over the past two weeks we have been challenging each other to pour into the book of 2^nd Timothy.  There is such wealth in the Bible and in this first chapter alone that we could spend months on end unwrapping this in our men’s ministry.  Three things that I have underlined above are paramount in our discipleship:

What is holding us back?

• Fear?
• Anxiety?
• Stress?
• Anger?
• Unconfessed Sin?

We are not doing this alone.  For those of us that profess Jesus Christ as Savior we know that Jesus promised us that we would not be left alone to tend to his business while he sits at the right hand of God until his time has come.  He has left us His Spirit, our counselor.  We are given His Spirit in us – This very Spirit was from the very beginning of our creation.  This Spirit is part of the triune God.  This Spirit is in us.  This Spirit leads us in ways that we do not always know where we are going, but God does.  This Spirit is of Power and Love and Self Control.

We need to embrace this Power:

• Let Go and Let God
• Let Go and Listen to His Spirit
• When in doubt, pray
• When in confidence, lean not on our own understanding
• When we are sure, praise God
• Do not be afraid!  Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight (Hallelujah!)

The second thing that we learn from this text (amongst many other things) is that we need to have biblical patterns (also hobbies and habits) in our life.  We need margin, that is, stewardship (of our time, our talents and our treasures).   The purpose of biblical pattern in our life is that we hear from God through His living word.  We lean on His word and not on our own understanding.  We form healthy patterns to the wants and desires from God for our life.  We read that He has plans for us that will not harm us and that will bless us by what He calls the abundant life.  Does this mean that we will always be prosperous – yes (BUT NOT IN WORLDLY TERMS).  Don’t listen to individuals who teach prosperity gospel.  God says for us to test him in giving, but he doesn’t promise prosperous gains of fortune, rather he promises blessing.  What is that blessing?  It is different for each one of us.  To some are given 10 talents, to others 5 talents and to others 1 talent.  To some is given the gift of teaching and preaching, to others the gift of mercy and still to others the gift of giving.  In this life, when we profess the name of Jesus, we are sure of two things:  1) Our salvation and 2) that trials and tribulations will come because of this name – Jesus.

By putting pattern and habits and hobbies of biblical application in our life, we can see spiritual growth because it is no longer on our understanding and accord.  Instead, we yield in prayer and meditation to the will of God.  We can avoid pitfalls and temptations from the evil one and spiritual warfare is no longer having its way with us, instead, the true disciple is praying the prayer for Armor (Galatians 6) and leaning on God’s ways and not our ways.

Some of these ways are:

• Praying daily
• Reading the word daily
• Meditating daily
• Attending a bible study, a small group (church) and regularly attending a church body (becoming part of that body instead of being a spectator)

We are to guard this knowledge with our life.  I am a movie guy and the one movie that really drives this point home is The Book of Eli (starring Denzel Washington).  The movie is violent and not for impressionable minds, however, the movie has an unbelievable message about guarding this knowledge – an incredible message.  If you haven’t seen this movie – tell me what you think.  If you are not a violent type of moviegoers than email me at dante@legacydad.com and I will respond to you via email about the symbolism of this message in the movie.

In all that you do, seek first the Kingdom of God.  Love your neighbor as yourself and bear witness to His Gospel.Blessings,

Dante

Raising Kids In A Fallen World

This past week, Dante emailed me asking if his recent post I Am Free To Be Me came off as too harsh or judgmental.  The post talked about a familiar topic here at Legacy Dad - parenting in the world but not of it and raising kids who are compassionate versus judgmental and hypocritical.Here are my comments from an email to Dante.  Dante thought I should share these comments with our entire Legacy Dad community.

My wife and I walk a fine line between in the world and of the world with our kids.  I guarantee some of our friends and other parents in our church do not agree with this parenting choice.  Many Christian parents cloister their children from the world out of fear that the world will influence or somehow infect their Christian children.  To some extent, I agree with them.  At younger ages (under 12) I say protect them as much as possible and to use these years to build a solid Christian foundation in our children.   However, at some point, they are going to be faced with the culture and living in the world.  Our goal has always been to build a solid Biblical foundation within our children so when they do come face to face with the fallen world, they will make the right choices and default to their Christian morals and values.

Unless we raise our kids in a hermetically sealed Christian environment (which I don’t recommend)  sadly these days, they will often be the anomalies among their peers.  Most of my children’s peers for the past 5 years have had no relationship with Christ or a superficial relationship at best.  But rather than only allowing our kids to associate with other Christian kids, we've encouraged them to build bridges and relationships with their non-Christian friends.

My wife and I’s approach is to raise kids who are in the world everyday and who are a light to their peers.  As a result, our kids are accepted by both the Christian crowd and the non-Christian crowd, which both have their positives and negatives.   To date, my kids have been exposed to drug and alcohol use, sexual activity, explicit media, etc. all via their peers both Christian and non-Christian.   However, rather than choosing to take part in these activities, they abstain from them and do what is morally right.  In many cases, they have won the respect of others because of their faith and morals.  Almost daily, we talk as a family about their struggles and their peers making destructive choices.

I'll be the first one to admit, many Christian parents are not comfortable with this environment, yet we are taking this approach to show our kids that they can live in the world but not be of the world.  Even though our kids are exposed to the world, they continue to choose not to succumb to the sins of it.  In our opinion, this is preparing them for life.  When they leave our home, they will be exposed to all the evils of the world and they will be able to make whatever choices they want.  My wife and I are trying to give them a track record of dealing with these issues and choosing not to sin over a several years rather than throwing them to the wolves in college or when they leave our home.

I think a great metaphor is modern video games.  Many researchers think first person shooter games teach and influence kids to kill.  Just as many researchers say it does not.  My opinion is that it is not the games but the child's moral foundation that predicts whether someone would be influenced by this form of media or not.  When my son turned 13, he wanted to start playing these games because most other boys were playing them.   When I questioned my son about this, his answer was that "a game was fantasy not reality".  He said, "in reality, killing is wrong and a sin but killing is also a reality in our fallen world."  Both our kids understand that all forms of media – games, television, and music is not a reflection of reality but fantasy or someones lens of a particular situation, often with an underlying message that may be biased or have an influential agenda.

When it comes to media, my kids have repeatedly illustrated to my wife and I that they understand that many of these people are not role models but lost people without Christ living in a fallen world.  My kids moral compass tells them that this is crude entertainment and not a reflection of God nor reality.  One might argue, why not just filter all their content and not expose them to any of this in the first place?  In my opinion, it's because we are teaching and allowing our children to make their own choices and reinforcing the idea that when you are confronted with this type of media, they have a choice to make and they have to decide whether this is glorifying God or not.  We could filter and control their lives but they are already seeing and dealing with these choices by living everyday in our fallen world.

I honestly believe that if you build the foundation of morals and values strong, it does not matter what the world throws at them as they will default to Christ and their faith.  They may struggle or have setbacks, even strong Christian adults do this, but they are learning at an early age to think for themselves and make educated choices that are consistent with their faith and beliefs.  The reality is that we are all tempted, this does not go away when we give our hearts to Christ, but how we positively deal with this temptation and influential messages, is evidence of our faith, character and submission to Christ.

However, if a child's (or adults) moral foundation is weak, superficial and shallow or the child has not been allowed to make independent decisions often in the past, they may be influenced by these forms of media and that can be dangerous, in these cases greater parental oversight may be needed.  This is a question each parent has to ask themselves and decide based on each child and their current walk with Christ.  My wife and I have chosen to teach independent, faith-based decision making since our kids were toddlers.  The older they get, the more freedom we give them to make these decisions as they prove they are mature and capable enough of making these choices.

I am a lot more lenient on media content as the kids grow older because I know it’s more of a “fitting in” thing among their peers than our kids being influenced by these media outlets.  When we see or hear questionable media, I often let it slide but also explain why it’s not appropriate.  Some parents would not agree with me on this and I would support them.  Again, we are walking a fine line between in the world and of the world and not everyone is comfortable with that nor are their children prepared for that.  Our aim in parenting is always moderation while adhering to strong morals and values.  We are not overly restrictive or fear-based parents (which studies show leads to rebellion and kids leaving their faith) but we are also not liberal, permissive parents that have no boundaries.  Many parents we know do not allow their children to make the choices we allow our children to make but, to each their own.

We’re at the point now where we only minimally filter their media content but we remind them and expect them to choose appropriate material.  We place the responsibility on them and hold them accountability or make comments if they choose questionable material.

Bottom Line:  We could spend all our time filtering and keeping our kids from the evil and influences of the world or we can spend all our time modeling to them what right looks like, what authentic faith is, what Godly choices are and not worry about what the world throws at them.  If our faith is strong and our God is mighty and on our side, why should we fear the world and it’s corruption?  We are trying to show our kids that temptation and sin is real and a fact of life, how we react and the decisions we choose makes all the difference.

Recently, my son was around some friends who were smoking marijuana and I asked him if he had thought about doing it too.  He became very upset with me over the fact that I would question his character or even think that he would do this.  He was hurt that I did not trust him to make the right choice, especially given his previous track record.  I had to change my tone with him, tell him I'm sorry and ensure him that I did trust him and I know he would make the right choice.

Again, this is a scary path for most parents, you are basically testing your children’s faith and character on a daily basis.  However, I honestly believe this is how spiritual growth and discipleship happens.  Our kids will face all these challenges and choices as adults, so why not teach them now?  My wife and I give our kids a lot of freedom and then check, almost daily, how they are dealing with this freedom and the choices they are making.  We are constantly reinforcing what Godly morals and values look like without having to restrict or censor their lives and they have yet to stumble badly with this approach.

The other side to this approach is that although our kids are living in the world and being put in situations where they are facing and dealing with sin, temptation and non-Christians on a daily basis, our kids have also had the opportunity to befriend many lost and hurting kids, give them hope, bring them to Christ or showed them what God looks like.  The only way this happened was by being in the world alongside these lost and hurting kids and earning their trust.

My kids have led more of their friends and on some occasions their friends entire families to Christ in their few short years on this earth, than I have in all mine.  In my mind, this is my evidence that what we are doing (raising kids in the world but not of the world) really works and really builds authentic faith that can be outwardly expressed in compassion and empathy for the lost.

Not sure if this helps or just opens up more questions?

Lance

When to listen, when to follow and when to lead

When to listen, when to follow and when to leadTop 5 quotes from Leadership

"A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment."

"Divide and rule, a sound motto. Unite and lead, a better one."

"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity."

"Being a leader is like being a lady, if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't."

"Lead, follow, or get out-of-the-way."

This morning a group of roughly 50 men met for our Saturday morning men’s bible study (we call ourselves:  Men of Faith).  This is a very special group that has been growing over the past five years (spiritually) and it has been a joy and honor to be a leader in this group.  From 6:30am to 6:40am we sing praises to God.  From 6:40am to 7am we have to facilitators that lead discussion (which has scripture and usually a theme) and then from 7am to 7:30am we have 2 large group discussions.  From 7:30am to 8am we have small group prayer groups where some men confess, some men ask for prayer and some men listen more while others share more, but in any case we are carrying each other’s burdens through word, prayer and deed.  Again, it is a joy to be part of something so special. I have been walking with some men, some that are being mentored by me and others that are in accountability with me.  If you are not doing this then I would challenge you to find a “Paul” in your life (someone who speaks truth in love and yet holds you to biblical standards and truth.  I would also encourage you to find a “Timothy” in your life so you can pour into them as your “Paul” is pouring into you.  Through this process I have been sharpened, challenged and blessed to see the growth in men’s lives (including mine).  It is a humbling experience, yet so very rewarding.

Through LegacyDad.com, and through walking with men who are not part of men of faith, I feel sadness and compassion for men who are trying to do life as Lone Wolf McQuade.  The state of the average man in this world, spiritually, is very frightening.  In 2 Timothy 3  (NIV) we read, “3 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”  I am saddened by how men our portrayed in this world as passive and as followers instead of leaders and men of integrity.  In talking with some of the men I walk with, it is almost as if the men in today’s culture are comfortable being relegated as the “follower” in marriage and parenthood instead of the spiritual leader that God calls us to be.

How do we move men from being “pew-sitters” to “heavy-hitters” in the kingdom of God?  How do we encourage, comfort and urge or brothers to live a life worthy of God?  How do we set in motion the things that God the father wants and expects from us instead of us serving ourselves?  This brings me to this post:  When to listen, when to follow and when to lead.

When to listen:  (James 1:19)

• Be quick to listen, be slow to speak and be slow to become angry – this will save you years of heartache and frustration.
• Read God’s word daily – meditate on his word, pray over his word and study and take notes on God’s word
• Pray daily – walk with godly men and pray for each other and for each other’s needs
• Spend quiet time with the Lord – listen for his ever so quiet voice.  Hear the words that He speaks through his Spirit

When to follow:

• Turn around – When you think you are leading, then turn around and look to see if anyone is following you?  If they are not, then quietly get back “in line” and follow leaders that God has put before us.  Humble yourself before a Holy God and be content with what He has given us.
• If you are not affirmed – if leadership of the church (Pastors, elders and lay-leaders) does not affirm you then don’t rebel or find discord instead anchor yourselves to Hebrews 13:17 which puts the onus on these leaders.  That is, if they are not in line with God’s will, then they will have to give an account for leading others astray – woe to these leaders!
• Be honest - If you are serving two masters – you cannot lead others in God’s kingdom if you are being led astray by sin and trying to serve a Holy God.  Please don’t mistake my words here by thinking that I am saying that you have to be perfect to lead, I would rather tell you to flee from such leaders.  What I am saying is to be honest.  Repent and confess and let God direct your life to leadership.  (One exception:  Dad’s this does not apply to you in your home, we all sin, we all fall short, BUT as dad’s we are called to be prophets, priests and kings of our house and children – DO NOT SHIRK this responsibility.

When to lead:

• Turn around – When you think you are leading, then turn around and look to see if anyone is following you?  If they are, then get down on your knees and ask for God’s leading, ask for His wisdom and discernment when you lead others.  Humble yourself before a Holy God and be content with what He has given you.
• If you are affirmed – if the leaders of your church (Pastors, elders and lay-leaders) affirm you then quietly pray and seek God’s approval in this process.  Take a spiritual gifts test (click here to take a free test) to see if your gifts that God gives all Christians qualify you to be a leader.
• Be Accountable – surround yourself with other godly men and have a wise counsel of others around you to keep you humble and encouraged through journey
• If you are humble – the mark of a true leader is his/her humility and their walk with Jesus Christ

When it is all said and done, remember this quote by Thomas Paine, “Lead, follow, or get of the way.”  When Jesus began his ministry he chose 12 men who became his disciples.  He walked with them for three years pouring into them, teaching them and living life with them daily.  I marvel at the New Testament how when Jesus called the 70 disciples to go two by two unto the world to proclaim the gospel – I don’t know about you, but I said to myself, “Self, where did these 70 disciples come from?”  Clearly, they were with Jesus and the twelve along the way.  They were watching, learning and being trained by Jesus and his disciples.  When they were ready, Jesus called them to task.

This is a great example to all of us.  Be humble in all circumstances.  We are to encourage, comfort and urge others to live a life worthy of God.  In all you do, let go and let God lead your path.  Be content in all circumstances.

Thoughts?

Blessings,

Dante

6 Ways To Build Everyday Character Into Our Children: Part 1

In the late 90's, Dr. Thomas Stanley of the University of Georgia set out to research and discover the traits of the top leaders, innovators and achievers in various professional industries. Dr. Stanley's goal was to find out what made these achievers different then the rest of the population and how we too could be more like them. Dr. Stanley's colleagues initially thought Intelligence (GPA), Top College Attendance and Luck would rank among the top factors for these achievers success. But these factors did not even make the top 10 list.

After thousands of interviews, Dr. Stanley discovered that a person's intelligence (Most of the subjects were B and C students), college attendance nor luck had much to do with their overall achievement. Almost all of the top 10 factors cited by thousands of these achievers and leaders were character traits learned in the home or through life experience and work.

Therefore (according to Stanley's research) if we as parents want to truly give our children an advantage in life, we should focus on modeling and building character into our children each and every day.

In this series we will explore 6 ways we can build character into our children on a daily basis:

#1 - Faith

Hebrews 11 describes faith as being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Faith becomes a character trait when it starts to manage our children's day-today choices while providing moral leadership.  Too many Christian children today are learning to play church and religion rather than learning faith and trust in God.  Sadly, parents are often the culprits behind this shallow faith.  As parents, we love our children and desire to have them right with Gd but we must be careful to let God draw our children to Himself and His time table.  Many Christian parents try to circumvent the power of the Holy Spirit by forcing their faith on their children out of the fear that they are not yet saved.

Research by the Fuller Youth Institute discovered that many Christian children are simply going through the motions to appease mom and dad's wishes rather than fully embracing Christ and developing their own faith.   This leads to many Christian children who have the appearance of being saved but ultimately they end of leaving the faith once they leave mom and dads house.

As parents, we must model our faith and expose our children to Christianity but not push them too hard for immediate results.  Prayer and the consistent practice of our own faith will model and prepare our children's hearts to place their faith in Jesus Christ when they are ready and when they have made the decision for themselves.

I'd rather have patience and see my child come to know Christ in High School on a missions trip, of their own volition and through the power of the Holy Spirit, then to run them up to the altar when they are 8 years old and ask them to give their hearts to Christ.  The Fuller Youth Institute learned that quite often, children are putting their faith in their parents faith not in Christ.

Here are six ways to build faith into your child on a daily basis:

1. Read your Bible daily and let your children see you spending time in the Word and in prayer.

2. Pray regularly at meal times and bedtime but also spontaneously (a homeless man on the street, when passing a car accident, with someone going through life struggles) to illustrate the power of prayer to your children.

3. Lead your children in a weekly Bible study and talk about your faith and the teachings of the story.  My family is currently watching The Bible miniseries that came out last year and discussing each story afterwards.

4.  Show your children your family tree and talk about relatives and their faith.  If you are a first generation Christian, talk about how all your ancestors after you will have glory in Heaven because of your decision.

5. Have your children listen to the testimonies of friends, family, and other adults and how it has impacted their lives.

6. Take your children on an outing or sports event that involves faith in other people or equipment.  illustrate how trusting in God is the same as trusting in the equipment or people.

Stay tuned for our next trait:  Integrity