R E S P E C T

In the song by Aretha Franklin called R E S P E C T, we see her sing these words, "R E S P E C T Find out what it means to me R E S P E C T Take care, T C B...Oh, a little respect Yeah, baby, I want a little respect Now, I get tired, but I keep on tryin' Runnin' out of foolin', I ain't lyin' Yes, respect, all I need is respect..."

Major stresses in marriage are:

• Money
• Sex
• Children
• Time
• Household demands

Major mishaps in marriage

• outside influences/improper relationships
• lack of communication
• lack of intimacy
• broken trust
• being selfish
• pornography

As a men's ministry leader, an elder and a husband and father and a legacy dad, I can tell you from my limited experience that I have seen all spectrums of relationships - both good and bad and some in between.  There is no clear cut blame to either spouse because if we are honest then we can all say that it takes two to break or make a marriage (barring adultery and brutality, of course).  I would like to modify the last statement by changing it to say that it really takes three to make a marriage - now don't go nuts on me here because when I say three, as Christians, I mean to say that we need Christ in the center of our marriages.

Signs of healthy fruit in a marriage

• Communication
• Honesty (even when it hurts - but not brutal rather with respect)
• Intimacy
• Friendship
• Loyalty
• Husband or wife in the other's corner
• Husband or wife being the biggest fan of the other

And so much more fruit

Let's take a look at what scripture says for Legacy Dads (for those of us that our husbands):

Ephesians 5:21-33

New International Version (NIV)

Instructions for Christian Households

²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing^[a] her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”^{[b] 32} This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Men, don't miss this here:  A lot of us get stuck on JUST the first part of this, "wives SUBMIT..." that we forget the rest of the command.  We ought to love our wives (do not be harsh, do not be cruel, do not neglect) and we should love our wives as we take care of our own bodies.  We are no longer self, but one flesh - this is key!  Our bodies no longer belong to ourselves, but to our spouses.  Men, remember that Christ gave himself up for the church, he died to self and sacrificed himself for his Bride - the Church - which is what we ought to do for our wives.

Let's put it this way:

1 Peter 3:7

New International Version (NIV)

⁷ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Respect does not mean:

• "Listen to me, I am the man and the Bible says that you have to SUBMIT to me, woman"
• "I am in charge"
• "How dare you not respect me"
• Holding love from one another
• Being cruel and cold to the other

I do not want to broad brush this here, but in talking with both men and women, one can conclude that it is not rocket science in figuring ways out to foster a healthy marriage.  As we are each created fearfully and wonderfully and we are all different, please do not take this as final.  For the most part:

Men want:

• To be Respected
• To be Loved and to feel trusted
• To feel secure
• To be intimate
• Romance (even though we may not know how to be romantic)

Women want:

• To be loved
• To feel secure
• To be valued and respected
• To be listened to (the art of true conversation)

Biblical Respect means:  To put Christ in the center of our marriage.  We are to die to selves in our sanctification pathway.  We are to put away the old self and put on the new self.  We could learn to listen to one another, to love one another and to respect each other for who we are.  That means that I do not expect my wife to become what I want her to be for me, nor should my wife expect me to change into someone that she expects me to be.  We are who we are.  That doesn't mean that we can keep our old selves on, rather, we are to put on Christ and to die to self as Christ died for us.  When we exemplify this then we truly understand agape love.  We understand God's plan for marriage.  We can understand that marriage is a blessing and not a curse.

So what do I do if I am not doing marriage God's way:

• Repent
• Pray
• Do not expect your spouse to change over night because you found God's pathway and repented
• Serve
• Serve more
• Love
• Love more
• Pray continually through this process that your spouse will be led by Christ to change your marriage (knowing that we cannot)

So what if you have this biblical marriage:

• Pray more
• Love more
• Serve more
• Reach out to couples who need this love and respect

Your thoughts?

Blessings,

D

Encouragement - Verse of the day

Philippians 4:6-7

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Some questions for you:

• What are you worried about?
• What do you need prayer about?
• What do you need to confess about?
• Who is holding you accountable?
• Who do you have praying for you?
• How are you guarding your heart?
• How are you guarding your mind?

Romans 12:1-2

New International Version (NIV)

A Living Sacrifice

12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Colossians 3:1-10

New International Version (NIV)

Living as Those Made Alive in Christ

3 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your^[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

⁵ Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶ Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.^{[b] 7} You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸ But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹ Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

In all that we do - pray! Pray often!  Pray before, during and after.

Blessings,

Dante

PS- It is that time again- please send Lance and I some topics that you want us to talk about email us here:  dante@legacydad.com  and lance@legacydad.com

Little Jimmy...

There was a family that had a story even before the marriage began.  That is, they were one of  “those” families.  The man and the woman were engaged to be married when she was found pregnant.  What shocked the community was that instead of putting her out (like she deserved) this man married her and did not know her until she bore this child.  She claimed she was a virgin impregnated by God through the Spirit – what kind of story is this?  As time would have it this boy was born and they gave him a name that meant God is Salvation.  Soon this family had other sons and daughters.  They grew in numbers and in outreach.  There was talk that when this child (the one that was born out-of-wedlock) was at a wedding he turned water into wine – some say that this was his first miracle before his Ministry began – a fascinating story that will have to be told another time.Today I wanted to tell you about his little brother Jimmy.  Really everyone else called him James, but I know him as little Jimmy.  It would seem like the family didn’t always like this child born of a virgin, but as time grew they began to see that something was different.  Little Jimmy had discernment, meaning he could tell truth from fiction any day of the week.  That is, he knew a fake when he saw one.  As his old brother, “J” grew in wisdom and stature and in miracles and so on, little Jimmy remained home with his mom and dad and other brothers and sisters.  Clearly, “J” was a big fan of his little brother.  I would even imagine that as the two grew up they encouraged each other and pushed each other to greater heights.  I would be willing to suggest that even though “J” was likely talked about (like the rest of their family) that little Jimmy didn’t care about what the others said, because he knew that his big brother was the real deal.  Not through miracles nor through the way he was with people, but because he knew that no matter what, his big brother was there for him whenever he needed him.

You see, little Jimmy went from nothing (as the world would see it) to a mega church leader overnight.  He was the authority in the Apostles lives.  He ruled over the first church with compassion and with a heart of making your faith real.  You see, Jimmy had a mentor who he would die for – because he did.  He knew this mentor was more than a brother – he was Salvation – he is the Word of God.  Little Jimmy was excited and even caused controversy in the later churches by suggesting that faith without works is dead.  Some people criticized him, but Little Jimmy scoffed back and said show me by your works and not just your belief.  He even had the courage to suggest that even demons believe in God, but they don’t have works.  Little Jimmy wrote a book that is in the Bible today.

Many say that Christianity isn’t real, that Jesus wasn’t the Son of God, BUT little Jimmy would beg to differ.  After all, he was likely thrown from top of the temple only not to die and was stoned and clubbed to death thereafter without recanting his testimony about his big brother.  It doesn’t take anyone to say that they just believe, but it takes a real disciple to believe in the healing and saving power of his big brother – Jesus Christ.  You see, Little Jimmy knew by either trial and/or tribulation that God has a plan for each of us.  We are to count it as pure joy when we face these trials and tribulations.  Little Jimmy can speak from authority – he was the leader of the first church and he died for his belief in his big brother – because he knew that his big brother, Jesus, was the real deal and worth dying for.

It is one thing to believe, it is a complete different thing to die for your beliefs.   Again I say, they took this man and brought him to the top of the temple and through him off thinking that would kill him.  Historians believed that he didn’t quite day and on the ground he prayed for those that afflicted him.  He was then stoned to death by the Pharisees that were watching from the ground.  Right before he died, he was supposedly hit over the head which would be the fatal blow.  Little Jimmy was forever forward known as James the Just.

Things we learn from Little Jimmy:

• Don’t fear trial and tribulation.  When you are in those situations look on it as pure joy that your faith is being tested
• If you lack wisdom and understanding, don’t give up, pray for it from God the Father
• Persevere for you will be blessed
• Every good gift is from God above
• Don’t just hear the word (of God) do what it says
• Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry
• Pure religion is this:  To visit orphans and widows in their suffering and to keep yourself from being corrupted by the world
• Do not show partiality to anyone, whether rich or poor or lowly or high in stature
• Love your neighbor as yourself (he got this from His big brother too)
• Faith without works is dead, you cannot just say you believe in God, even the demons do and shudder, you must have good works in you (if the Spirit of God is in you – then good works would automatically flow from you)
• Control yourself, your anger, do not give into it for it will send you to hell if you do (or at least others will feel like you are or that you want them to)
• If you lack, it is not because that is God’s will, it is because you do not ask (contentment is the secret to life)
• Do not speak evil against anyone
• Do not be confident in tomorrow nor hold good from today
• Do not put faith in riches and things of this earth, instead put them in Jesus – Savior of the World
• Do not grumble, instead be patient
• Pray often, if someone is sick call the elders to pray and anoint them
• When in doubt pray more often
• If your brother wanders from the word (truth) the brother who brings him back will save his soul and cover a multitude of sins

I do not know about you, but little Jimmy is one of my favorite people in God’s Kingdom.

Thoughts?

Dante

Go and Make...

If you ever find yourself asking the question what legacy will my life leave, then you are at the right place.  If you ever wondered if all the volunteer hours and time and effort that you give to others, to organizations to your duty as a disciple of Jesus Christ, then you are at the right place.  If you ever wondered if you are leading instead of following your wife, your family, your kids, work and or community then you are at the right place.  If, however, you think you can skate by because you have received the ultimate lottery ticket (called salvation) and can be comfortable being a pew sitter instead of a heavy hitter in God's kingdom, then you are clearly in the wrong place.For those of you that are intrigued and have kept on reading, thank you.  Thank you for being willing to take the steps to leave a biblical legacy in God's Kingdom.  To be a disciple is simply defined as someone who is teachable and trainable and obedient to God's word.  This disciple not only hears the words but does what they say.  The disciple meditates on God's word daily.  That being said, we read the following charge (challenge from our Lord Jesus Christ) found in Mathew 28:

The Great Commission

¹⁶ Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. ¹⁷ When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. ¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Jesus is telling his Disciples (that includes us:  The ones who profess his name as Lord and Savior) to Go and Make.

• Go to the widows and orphans (role of deacons in the church and lay persons to help volunteer and serve)
• Go to the lost and share the good news
• Go to the divorced moms and be an extended family
• Go to the weak-minded and mentally ill and help them
• Go to the ends of the earth and make disciples of Jesus Christ

Jesus is telling his disciples to make other disciples:

• Make other disciples through walking with them in accountability
• Make other disciples by providing teaching and training (Men & Women's Bible Studies)
• Make other disciples by them hearing preaching and teaching from the Pastors and Elders on being the true body of Christ
• Make other disciples by being intentional with them and mentoring them (as Paul was to Timothy who is to others - who is your Paul and who is your Timothy?)

Here is the thing that is really cool:  When we look at Peter's life we realize that even when we think we have blown it or not do enough, Jesus isn't done with Peter.  When the men our fishing on boat, a man (Jesus) suddenly is seen on the beach while Peter and his brothers are fishing.  After that man tells them to throw the net on the other side of the boat (note:  They haven't caught any fish until this time) that once they "go and make" the appropriate casting of the net on the other side, they catch more fish then they can bring in the boat.  This man on the beach is Jesus and he is preparing a meal for them.  Peter is questioned by Jesus (like we will be at the Judgement Seat of Christ)...you can read the story by clicking here.  Jesus asks Peter over and over, "Do you love me?"  Peter, by this point, knowing all the miracles, all the prophecy and the Spirit revealing to Peter that Jesus is the Christ knows that there is nothing he can say and do that Jesus doesn't already know.  I can imagine when they first meet that Peter is ashamed and embarrassed after all his claims before the Crucifixion of Jesus that he said he wouldn't deny Jesus (and he did).  I cannot imagine that in front of Peter's most trusted friends (and relatives) that he loses face by Jesus calling him out over and over - do you love me.  And then I can imagine when Peter finally gets it when Jesus asks him again - do you love me - Peter says YOU KNOW LORD I DO.  It wasn't a defiant claim, nor was it an expression of I give up, rather, it was Lord you are my Savior, what more do you require.  Jesus puts it plainly there for him to see - Feed My Sheep.  Go & Make them Disciples.  By the way, Peter's first preaching message after this:  3000 people come to know the Lord (they are saved and redeemed) - Peter now got what Jesus required.

What about you and I?  Can we not just hear the words like Jesus's brother (James) says?  Can we do them?  When we align ourselves with God and His words and His Spirit in us - we can do ALL THINGS!

What's holding you back?

Blessings,

Dante

Top 10 Signs that you are a true disciple of Christ

Often you will hear a man of God say to you that if you really want to know where Jesus stands in someone's life - open their checkbook.  Other men say that when you look on a person then you should see more of Jesus and less of that person to see a true disciple of Jesus.With that being said, What are the top 10 Signs of being a true disciple of Jesus Christ?

1. The disciple shows his/her love for Christ (by keeping his word and commandments close to his/her heart - not just hearing the words but doing what they say).

2. The disciple abides in this love of Christ (signs of peace and of patience and of true kindness)

3. The true disciple bears the fruit (Read Galatians 5)

4. The disciple is in fellowship with the Spirit, the Word and daily meditates on the word paving God's pathway for the disciple every day

5. The disciple bears witness for what God has done for him (sent His only Son to die for our sins - Jesus is the way, the truth and the life...)

6.  The disciple is a friend of Jesus, that is, the disciple just doesn't know who Jesus is, rather, the disciple calls Him friend

7. The disciple believes in the power of prayer.  Prays continually and trusts that not their will be done - but God's will be done.  The Lord gives and He takes away but blessed be His name

8. The disciple bears joy in all situations (even through trial and tribulation the disciple will exude pain and suffering and emotional suffering, but will ultimately find the joy of the Lord)

9. The disciple exudes the truth behind Romans 12 and Colossians 3

10.  The disciple is humble and repents when necessary.  The disciple is able to discern good from evil and flees the course of evil at all times.

What are your some of your top 10?

Blessings,D

Blurred Clarity

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted and there is good reason (or excuses) behind this fact.  The past few months, I’ve been searching and praying, wondering what God has in store next for Legacy Dad and our vision.

Often I feel like this whole thing is a waste of time.  I feel like my words fall on deaf ears or my words are constantly met with resistance.  Even though in my heart, I feel what I am doing is true, I could jump on any Christian parenting website and be criticized to death by naysayers.  I often wonder if parents are just too proud to change and admit that maybe, just maybe I’m right about a few things or am I just delusional and wrong?

When I teach parenting conferences, I often see plenty of heads nodding but wonder how many go home and really commit to lasting change?  I offer free parenting resources worth hundreds of dollars and no one wants them?

After a while, even if you’re the most positive person, this weighs on your heart and makes you question your efforts.

One of the biggest comments I’ve heard from men and pastors is that there are very few parenting resources for men.  I’m also astonished when I hear that when it comes to parenting, most men defer their leadership role to their wives and simply take a ride in their wife’s purse rather than being the spiritual leader God has called us to be.

Further disconcerting is the statistics that when men don’t lead, families and our children suffer.

93% of families will follow when the father takes an active role in his faith and walk with Christ.  When fathers are not active in their faith, 60% of children stop attending church or leave the faith altogether even if their mother still attends regularly.

Maybe that’s the point?

Focus on the men.  Change the man, change the family?

- Lance

The Whole Truth, Nothing but the Truth so help me God:

Imagine a courtroom where you and I and a whole multitude of individuals are going through a judgement.  Imagine that there is one judge who is so bright that the human eye cannot see and so awe-inspiring that we cannot gaze upon that judge without feeling like we would die - let's call that complete holiness.Now let's imagine in this giant courtroom that we see mighty looking creatures that are around a book who has a man who looks very familiar looking through that book.  His gaze is very piercing and he has this clear and precise glow about him reminding us of a lamb and a lion - his hands and feet are worn with a scare that were clearly pierced for transgressions.

Now imagine in that book are written names who have said with their mouths, their tongues and their confessions:  "That is the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God."  Now imagine that those that their names are not written in that book are called out for all of their transgressions, all of their lies and all of the things that separate them from this eternal heaven - sending them to a fiery lake of fire that was intended for the devil and his fallen angels.

Now imagine that the attention focuses on you and all eyes both from humans, angels and the throne are bearing down on you, then the voice speaks, "Do you know my Son?  Is your name written in the Book of Life? If you answer yes and your name is written in that Book - Praise God! Praise Him for his Son, His Spirit and His Holiness that abounds throughout all of the earth to see.

Suppose your answer is, "I don't know" or even worse, your name is not there?  Then what?  Matthew 7:21-23 (NIV)

True and False Disciples

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day,‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

---

Jesus Christ IS the Whole Truth:  John Chapter 1

Jesus is nothing but the truth (actually he is everything AND the truth): John 14:6

So help me God: Proverbs 3:5-8

---

If you know God's Son - they you have the whole truth.  Your theology is given to you through His Word, through His Spirit and through our worship praising Him.

If you believe in His Son and he calls you to be his then praise be to God our Father!

The Apostles Creed:

I believe in God, the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth; And in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried. He descended into hell. The third day he rose again from the dead.  He ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father almighty. From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.  I believe in the Holy Ghost, the holy catholic Church*, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.

*meaning the universal Christian church--all believers in Jesus Christ

===

What is your theology?

Where will you go when you die?

How can you be sure?

Thoughts?

D

The Cleanse Diet with a twist

Last Friday night, my wife and I (at her urging) decided to start an eight (yes count them - 8) day cleanse, which for those of you who are not aware of this (click here) and realize that you are starving yourself for a week.  Don't take that the wrong way, there is protein shakes, protein snacks and vitamins and pills and so on, but for the most part you are lacking fruit, grains, cabs, coffee and fill in your blank.  So here is where I am at so far (diet ends Saturday - woo hoo):Day 1, 2, 4, 6 and 8:  Lean Smoothie (their product), with vitamins and their global blend; Morning Snack (protein with green veggies); Lunch: Lean Smoothie w/vitamins; Afternoon Snack (protein with green veggies) with vitamins and mix; Dinner:  Lean Smoothie w/vitamins and accelerate;  Before Bed:  Tea with two pills (called the "Flush")

Day 3, 5 and 7:  Wake up and drink 8 oz water; Breakfast:  Lean Smoothie w/vitamins and accelerator; Morning Snack:  Protein Meal w/Green Veggies and vitamins; Lunch:  Protein Meal with whole grains + vitamins; Afternoon Snack:  ALmonds, Peanuts/Sunflower Seeds (raw & unsalted); Dinner Take 2 Cheat pills with Protein Meal + Green Veggies  Bedtime:  Hot Green Tea with 2 pills

Spiritual Cleanse was as follows:

Day 1, 2, 4, 6 and 8:  Read the word everyday; pray for those who need prayer and for those who afflict me; use teachable moments for my kids

Day 3, 5 and 7:  Meditate on what is going in (mentally, physically and emotionally) and reflect on what is coming out (heart, soul, body, mind and strength)

Scripture used:JamesGalatiansI, II and II John

Psalms

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I am on Day 6 and after surviving Sunday with great food temptations I have moved to a place of shear gratitude in the sense of how thankful I am for the life that God has given me.  This isn't about prosperity of what he's given me or health that is in this season of my/our lives; nor is it about just the good in my life - because - if we are all honest:  This world isn't easy.  This world (for those who follow Jesus) is promised to bring us trials and tribulations - and it has.  What I realize is that whatever life brings me (he gives and takes away) I will be singing blessed be His name.

I still have Friday and Saturday to finish this, but I will write more on this topic.

Have any of you done either?

Blessings,

D