A Goal Line Stand

One of my favorite sports movies is Friday Night Lights.  It's an emotional film about a small high school football team in west Texas overcoming great personal odds to make it to the Texas State High School Football Championship.  In the climax of the movie, the team is losing the championship to a superior opponent and they mount one final run down the field as the clock is ticking down.  Down by a few points, the team marches down the field and makes it to the goal line.  In one final play, the ball is hiked and the quarterback makes a break for the end-zone, time stands still and the crowd goes wild as the the pile of bodies fly towards the ball carrier.  In the final second, the quarterback falls forward only to come up short of the goal line and the team ultimately loses the game and the championship.

What is equally tragic is witnessing well meaning, good parents spending top dollars putting their kids in the best schools, spending countless hours on sports programs, and enrolling their youth in highly dynamic Christian youth programs only to come up short and have their efforts blow up on them at the end of their children's adolescence.

Over and over we continue to see parents falling into one of two extremes. 

1. Focusing Children Predominately on the Success Illusion,without greater emphasis on Character. Parents today are hurried and have to focus their time accordingly.  Many parents still believe that grades, sports and extracurriculars have top priority while morals, values and character development come in at the bottom of the list.  These parents believe that through school, the Church or some other outside entity; their children will develop character and the morals of right and wrong.  But studies conclude that this does not happen, the home and parents are the single most influential factor in how children and ultimately our society develop.

2. Controlled Environment, Behavior Modifiers.  The second extreme fills the parenting section at bookstores with promises from psychologists and academics of new kids in 5 days, babies reading Tolstoy at age 3 and gluten-free, vegan kids with supercharged health.  These parents fear the evils of society and create a controlled environment for the tots to grow in with the hopes of keeping the evil world at bay for as long as possible.  This approach focuses on modifying the external behaviors of children in order to reach the desired effect; which tend to be nice, presentable kids for the parents ego.  The effects of this style of parenting has been evidenced Here and Here and also do not produce strong, productive adults from our children and often have the highest concentration of children who rebel later in adolescence.           

So what is the answer? Grace.

Grace or moderation in parenting focuses on putting down strong boundaries in the areas that matter most, internal behaviors.  Character, Morals and Values are modeled and mentored to the children daily.  Academics, Sports and Extracurriculars are not thrown out but also not placed above the internal behaviors.  The environment is controlled tighter in the early years but loosened as the child ages to afford maximum independence and decision making/consequences.  Mistakes are made in the home so the parents can offer advice and mentorship.  Parents are not worried about producing presentable kids, they focus on producing morally driven adults.  Kids will be kids but the end result is always the goal. 

This principle is the heart of Legacy Dad and cannot be explained in one blog post, one book or a quick step by step guide. It has to be witnessed, lived and learned.  While this concept may seem foreign or maybe even reckless to our newer readers, I invite you to continue reading to learn why this style of parenting is ultimately producing children who will be tomorrows leaders in society.

When instituted properly; Grace will raise kids who will question and challenge cultural norms, will be spiritually tested by the world but will ultimately go to God and let the Holy Spirit work in their hearts and let their morals, values and character act as a compass in their lives.     

 - Lance

Thanksgiving Day Quotes:

"Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude."  -E.P. Powell

"So once in every year we throng Upon a day apart, To praise the Lord with feast and song In thankfulness of heart." -Arthur Guiterman, The First Thanksgiving

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." -John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." -Meister Eckhart

"Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action." -W.J. Cameron

"He who thanks but with the lips Thanks but in part; The full, the true Thanksgiving Comes from the heart." -J.A. Shedd

"Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow." -Edward Sandford Martin

"For flowers that bloom about our feet; For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet; For song of bird, and hum of bee; For all things fair we hear or see, Father in heaven, we thank Thee!" -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!" -Henry Ward Beecher

“Praise God even when you don’t understand what He is doing.” [Henry Jacobsen]

"Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise; be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the Lord is good..." [Psalm 100:4, 5a]

"Without Thy sunshine and Thy rain We could not have the golden grain; Without Thy love we'd not be fed; We thank Thee for our daily bread." [Anonymous]

"If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily." [Gerald Good]

Do not get tired of doing what is good.  Don't get discouraged and give up, For we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.  - Galatians 6:9

War Stories

War Stories of Grace and Thanks

I remember standing in the heat of a third world country; the smell of garbage, feces and ocean water permeated the air.  I looked around and saw women and children living in tin shacks made no better than something my kids make in our backyard.  Inside these tin shacks; they cooked, slept and raised their children.  During the day, the women and children would wait for the garbage trucks to come and it would be like a mob, fighting to dig through the garbage to find scraps of food or items to sell.  If the kids were lucky, they may find a broken toy or a ball to play with.  The biggest prize was paying a fee to a local warlord for the privilege of rummaging through the trash left by Americans, as we waste good food and throw away items these people would normally pay a premium for. Our trash was like a Christmas feast to these people.  For all the blessings, abundance and privilege I have each day, I give thanks to God.

Another time, I sat on the floor on pillows.  The temperature was upwards of 120 and the flies would bother you relentlessly.  I sipped my scalding hot chai and talked with a Muslim friend of mine.  We had been talking about being fathers and raising our children when he asked me a profound question. "Do Christians in America hate Muslims?"  I looked my friend in the eyes and told him that I cannot speak for all Christians but I believe that we are all people of the book, all God's children.  I told him that Jesus' message was of peace and loving one another, not fighting or judging.  My job as a Christian believer was not to preach or judge but to be a living example of the teachings of Jesus' and to build bridges to all people, not just those of certain faiths or ethnicity's.  With tears in his eyes, the man told me that he and I would be lifelong brothers and though the practice of our faith was different, God would bless us and he was forever in debited to me.  For building bridges and seeing that even though we stand on different sides of faith, we all want the same basic needs in life and for our families, I give thanks to God.

I sat frustrated trying to find a clever way to explain to my children what grace meant.  The best I could come up with was doing something, for someone who doesn't necessary deserve it and overlooking my own personal needs to look out for the needs of others.  Afterwards, I realized that I will not always have all the answers.  I cannot prepare my children for everything they will face in life.  Self Development only goes so far and eventually we have to go to God.  My job as a father is to model authentic Christianity in my actions more than my words and at times when I don't have the strength or the answers, I have to rely on God and the Holy Spirit to get me through.  If I could just teach this one principle to my children, I would be a success as a father.  For showing me your undeserving Grace, for giving me a beautiful family and for helping me through my darkest of days, I give you thanks.

- Happy Thanksgiving -

  Lance        

Faith begins home

Every once in a while I find a diamond in the rough in public speakers.  That is, I recently heard a great speaker talking about a tough subject - Parenting.  Mark Holmen is the author of Faith @ Home series and is a great speaker from the Heart.  So many times we hear about kids that walk away from their faith and reject their parents religion.  They reject their parents faith because when really pressed about why they reject it they say because my parents faith was not for real.  That may sound a little harsh, but let me put it a different way, the Faith that is rejected may not be authentic seven days a week.   Meaning parents who put their Sunday Church clothes only to take them off Monday through Saturday wearing different duds. 

This really is a difficult subject to follow because most of us like a fast-food approach to parenting and to our Faith and would like teachers, churches, schools and everyone other than Mom & Dad to do the nitty gritty details of everyday life.  In other words, we need to be the parents and be wholly devoted to rearing our chidlren from home. 

Mark was kind enough to write some additional books to dads and moms and I will tell you that who does not hold punches.  He puts it all out there and gently yet sternly gives us a roadmap of directon to take.  Our faith needs to be real.  As we go to Deuteronomy 6, his passage and basis for the book.  Actually, most bibical parenting material should take you to this Scripture. 

These books give parents encouragement, comfort and urges us to take the right steps to equip us to rear children and make faith real to them and to us.  I really enjoyed that Mark shares the significance and importance of how mom and dads (and their faith) can and will create a legacy in our children. 

If you have time, read it!  If you don't have time, then find time to read it.  If you don't like reading books, then Google Mark Holmen and find out what church near you he is speaking.  In my humble opinion, this is a must read and legacy worthy!

Leaving a legacy of real faith to our children!  What can be better than that? 

Dante

Waiting For Superman

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