[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEpjGOCx-d0?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&w=460&h=340]
My little princess
Parenting With An Atmosphere of Grace Series:
My Little Prince and Princesses
As you may have heard me talking about my three children (Trey-6 Audrey-5 & Isabella-3), one thing I have not talked about much is how my wife and I are rearing them as they grow. There is a distinct difference between the oldest (first child), second child and baby of the family. You may have read books on how each possess character traits similar to the same ranking of age in other families.
Audrey is my middle child and she, by no means, lacks personality. She is by all definition, “little miss personality”. Audrey is a lot like her mom in that she does not hesitate to tell you what she is thinking. Even when she knows you are disciplining her – she has to be heard and it usually begins with, “But,…” in which I reply, “The only ‘butts’ around here are the one that is going to be spanked,” and that usually gets her attention (after she finishes her thought, of course).
Audrey is unique. She doesn’t need a spanking like some other children may. She actually just needs the look and that usually brings the crocodile tears immediately following. She has such a gentle and caring heart that people are affected by her personality and touch. She is an old soul and she really cares about people. In Lance’s post, The Heart Before the Head, he talked about shepherding the heart first and eventually the head would follow.
Needless to say, we just finished the first half of our vacation, which was a 3 day Disney Cruise, we had some issues with our two youngest (of course, the girls, because boys know how far to push you). Anyway, Audrey was having some issues of obedience and my initial reaction was to just get angry and threaten her with either taking things away or the dreaded fanny spanking if the behavior continued. 
As I was pondering this, Legacy came into mind as Lance, Gary and I have been talking about direction and vision and I was cut to the core by my reaction to her disobedience. I was trying to rear the head instead of cultivating her heart. So as I failed miserably in trying to rear my child the right way (or at least my parental way) I realized that even in our greatest mistakes we can claim victory and that is what I did. The victory was not in being right or wrong or winning the battle. The victory was won by shepherding her heart.
I squatted down to her level and calmed her down with a hug and told her that her daddy loved her and was not going to spank her, but I wanted to talk to her. I asked her if she thought the way she was behaving was acceptable in any terms and she responded, “nooooooo” with a long pause and meekness to it. In which, I then apologized to her and told her that I was sorry in the way that I reacted to her disobedience. I asked her if she could work on hearing and listening and doing what her mommy told her to do in t the first place, in which she said, “yes”.
The victory that I feel was won is that I gained her heart instead of just her head hearing and doing the behavior I wanted. The older I get, and the more I look at young ladies, I realize it is extremely important for dad’s to love their daughters and to give them as much time as they need from their dads growing up. I hope not only to teach her the heart of the matter, but to show her love and respect, chivalry, loyalty and honesty and down right good ways that a man should always treat a woman.
Dante
Boom, X and Z
Parenting With An Atmosphere of Grace Series:
Do you ever wonder why the generations are so diverse? Do you hear yourself saying "Those kids today are out of control."
We can only blame ourselves for how our children's generation turns out. What legacy are we leaving behind for the next generation? Here is a a pessimistic view of the current trends left by past and current parents and some advice on how to write the next chapter.
One Baby Boomer Wrote:
"We were probably the first generation that had life easy... comparatively. We didn't have to work on the farm and our country was in the midst of a boom. Our fathers were doing quite well financially, and being the loving parents that they were, they wanted to provide us with the best they could."
"We, as children, took from that, that hard work equals a good life. However, when we raised our own children, Generation X, we took this all a bit further. In a lot of cases, it meant both parents had to work; after all, we are a competitive generation. We, like our parents, wanted the best for our children, but the best meant more, better, and easier.
In our attempt to make life easier for our children, we have ambushed them. We have taught them to take, rather than to give. We have taught them to expect, rather than to work. We have taught them that life is easy, when we know for a fact that it is not. They are headed for a rude awakening, and yes, it is our fault.
We screwed up, and we screwed up royally! The only comfort I can take in this, is that what goes around, comes around. I am sure, should my children decide to have children of their own, that they will be much more strict than our Baby Boomer generation was.
Parents need control; they need authority, and they need respect. Hopefully, our children will have learned from our mistakes." 
The current thoughts on the children of Generation X called Generation Z here:
"Generation Z is highly connected, many of this generation have had lifelong use of communications and media technologies such as the internet,texting, cell phones, youtube, etc. Generation Z has never known a world that put duty before self, and believes that the needs of the individual should come first. This is not the same thing as being selfish – it is captured, instead, in the phrases we so often hear: "Be yourself," "Believe in yourself," "You must love yourself before you can love someone else."
Some can be described as impatient and instant minded, and tending to lack the ambition of previous generations. Psychologists are claiming an "acquired Attention Deficit Disorder" since their dependency on technology is high and attention span is much lower, as opposed to previous generations who read books and other printed material, along with watching live television. They are also more consumer-oriented than the previous generation, which was focused on technology, retro, and indie culture.
Generation Z are also more individualistic. While members of Generation X and Y are group and team oriented, members of Generation Z are more self directed. Individualism has become more common with Generation Z. Many parents of Generation Z are starting to work part time or become stay-at-home parents so that children are raised by parents and other family members instead of being in a day care facility, which forces children to be in groups. However helicopter parents are becoming more common with children than children of the previous generation. Despite being in a day care facility, many children are placed in many structured extracurricular activities, reducing free playtime.
Parents are becoming more like advisers to this generation. Generation Z teenagers and young adults are not as focused on fitting into certain groups, and more based on fitting in with the general population, and tend to make their own decisions with their parent's advice."
While the jury is still out on the final outcome of Generation Z, the mantra you will hear from Legacy Dad is grace. Moderation, Tolerance, or Grace.
Focus strongly on Morals, Values and Character Development.
Extend grace on grades, sports, dress and generational fads.
The best phrase I once heard was "Don't Major in the Minors."
- Lance
WHERE ARE THE SAGES OF YOUR LEGACY?
The Ultimate Gift
Pure Religion
On Saturday, December 4, 2010, Children's Hunger Fund will host our annual Toy Wrap 
volunteer event. Since 1991, CHF has given hundreds of thousands of toys to needy children across America and around the world. When you give a child a toy, you are also giving away hope and love this holiday season.
James 1:27 talks about pure religion in the eyes of the Father, which is that which takes care of widows and orphans and avoids the ways of this world. For over 5 years now, my family and I have been involved in helping this wonderful organization wrap over 20,000 toys for children in need. What a privilege it is to help such a worthy organization make a difference in people’s lives. There are so many people, churches, businesses and organizations that make such a difference through serving and giving. As a matter of fact, my co-leader in our men’s ministry (Jimmy) ended up leaving his job in place of this ministry. He found his vocation and trusting in the Lord and his family to believe in his call to make a difference in people’s lives. Jimmy has been my “Barnabus” and my encourager in ministry and in serving others – Thanks Jimmy!
My family and I have also taken another step in serving and giving. Each year we pray and ask our church for a family in need. We buy presents (gift cards, toys and groceries) and we give to the family. We try and teach our son and daughters the value of giving. There is a Christian movie that drives home this great responsibility that we have as Disciples of Christ. The movie is called, The Ultimate Gift. If you have not seen it, then I highly recommend that you rent it for this holiday season and ask God what you, your family and your church can do to make a difference.
How do you serve and give your time?
We are looking forward to our readers responses on this one.
Blessings,
Dante
The Ganster of Love
Parenting With An Atmosphere of Grace Series
The other day my son and I were looking at clothes in a local store. My son picked up a hat and put it on his head sideways telling me he wanted this hat. To me he looked like a gangster rapper from infamous rap videos so my first reaction was of course to say "No way." I then paused and realized that my son uses good judgement 95% of the time and he has always displayed good character traits at school and with friends. Was my reaction based on any moral relevance or simply on my own personal opinion?
My initial reaction was "What would other people think?" and I envisioned people at church whispering saying "That's the son of the guy who writes about parenting and teaches the parenting bible study! His kid looks like a juvenile delinquent."
Luckily, I realized that I was not using grace. This hat was simply a passing fad of my son's culture. When I was growing up; I wore combat boots, a beret and a Pink Floyd shirt to school! I was just expressing myself through the wearing of clothes.
Many times as parents, I believe we turn simply differences of opinion, culture and generational fads into 
full blown moral disagreements. What's even worse is when we try to falsely use scripture to back up our own opinions simply because we disagree with a child's choice of clothing. To my knowledge, the only biblical guidance on dress involves modesty? It says nothing of wearing a hat sideways?
Furthermore, does God judge us by our manner of dress or the character or our hearts?
Imagine if God judged us with the same black and white perimeters I was placing on my son?
I think many times we overreact as parents not based on any moral grounds but simply on our own embarrassment or what we perceive as "un-Christian."
In the end, I let God's grace guide me and we ended up buying the hat for my son for a Christmas present. However, I reflected on this lesson and wondered how many times in the past I made a knee jerk reactions based on my own opinions rather than moral absolutes?
As parents, we have to pick our battles carefully and this one, once examined, would be an absurd area to hold my ground.
My son understands moral absolutes and does not violate them. My son does not support the illicit behaviors that permeates the rap culture, he simply wanted to fit in with his peers.
- Lance
P.S. The above photo is three kids at a Christian Summer Camp.
SOME EVENTS DADS JUST HAVE TO TALK (CROW!) ABOUT
OK, I'd better get on with the day. Been the whole morning doing research on grandparenting. Did you know grandFATHERS are getting back into the picture?
If you're not one now, do you know how really soon you'll be one? Take that tip from a 70-year old grand dad. 70 used to be old. I'm still wondering who those "elderly" are on news reports and TV ads.
Researchers and social analysts are using telling terms while they stream out the stats of longer life, better health, greater percents of the population. Then they add new terms, "Finishing well" among those focused on Christian family values. "Fun-seeking" and "supportive" are emerging.qualities of granfFATHERS.
So why the strange title to this post?
Because one of those great life events just happened to "me"..."We," really. "Me" or "we" in quotes because that would be a social transference phase (see, I have been researching). Grandson, Taylor, now 12.5, is in his "manhood year" or year of passage, the transition from boy child to first man years.
I was writing a post for my own blog, GENDADS, when the call came in. It was a Skype Webcam call. There on the back of the pickup with "our" prize, His first deer on his first hunt.
The story is a rich one that includes my last few posts telling about Dad, Taylor, and me on our five day pack-in hike during the summer. It was the scouting hike, and I was able to see each move in my mind's eye as Taylor enthused his hunt over the cell phone. We'd seen a deer together in the very spot he bagged his trophy (eight points). So, it was OUR hunt, OUR deer.
If the rite of passage, the hike, the hunt, or just the new grandfathering mode interests you, take a peek at www.gendads.com .
We can conclude with this note--back to the research--Who yoiu are as a legacy dad will, sooner than you think, set the stage for your true legacy years.
Will you be as good a grandfather as your are a father? Better?
The Heart Before The Head
One of the mo
st critical and misunderstood concepts of Legacy Dad is developing the heart before the head. When my wife and I were young, faith based teaching consisted of learning and memorising bible verses and going through ritualistic traditions in an effort to teach us our faith.
For the most part, there was no hands on instruction nor real life examples to glean experience from. What this led to was mostly going through the motions to appease parents and church leaders in order to conform and fit to a certain mold or expectation placed upon us. Bottom line. It was in our heads but not in our hearts.
As parents, we vowed to take the opposite approach towards faith based and almost all character based instruction with our children. They would see real life examples and receive hands on experience before being taught doctrine and tradition. Plus, we expose them to the real world with parental oversight as opposed to trying to create a controlled environment to keep bad things out. Why?
First, a child will blindly accept the teachings and therefore the faith of their parents if asked simply to appease the parents and seek approval. Is this truly allowing the holy spirit to work in our children's lives?
Second, I have lived myself and met countless people who can quote scripture, doctrine and ritual yet do not actively believe nor have it in their hearts. Remember that currently 90% of Evangelical children leave the Church after high school (Barna Group)
Third, focusing on the head and parents who try to create a safe, controlled environment is only influencing a child's external behaviors. What happens when the child enters the real world? A hostile world especially towards faith?
By focusing on the heart before the head, you are influencing a child's internal character and belief 
systems so the external environment does not matter.
Please understand, we don't let our children run wild, watch whatever media they feel like or expose them to un-biblical teachings. We lead them by example, expose them to church and faith based activities and let them come to their own conclusions.
The results are astonishing. Award after award from schools for superior character. Children living their faith based values daily rather than reciting them. Children making the appropriate decisions when no teachers or parents are present. I could go on and on.
The biggest revelation of this hit me this week. We just started a two year bible study with our children that prepares them to become adults in the church. This study now brings the doctrine piece into their lives. They can't recite the book of the Bible the story of the Good Samaritan is in but they can tell you about the real life time they stopped and bought a homeless man a meal with their own money.
Focus on the heart first and the head will follow in time.
- Lance