Adversity: Our Days in Adullam

One of the areas that myself and I know many others struggle with is dealing with adversity.  I have read and been told numerous times that the difference between significance in life and mediocrity is how we deal with adversity and setbacks.

Adversity comes in two forms: Self Imposed and Unexpected Adversity.

Self imposed is simply adversity that comes from the decisions or lack thereof that we choose in our lives.  If you choose to cheat on your spouse or steal from your job, obviously you created this situation and you ultimately must take the blame.  It takes a certain level of maturity to take responsibility for ones actions and unfortunately I have met some adults that never reach this level. 

But sometimes everything is going the right way and then out of nowhere BLAM!  Something hits our life that causes adversity.  It could be financial, marital, problems at work, spiritual, you name it.

Myself and some colleagues have been dealing with this during the past 4 months.  We attended a course and from the beginning most of the instructors had little to no experience on the subject and could not answer many of our questions.  We protested this and it lead to undue attention on our cohort and further that we were trouble makers. 

We come from an area in the military where you must be tactically and technically proficient in your skill set or you are sent packing.  To put it bluntly, we don't deal with BS well and that is what these people were trying to do to us. Bullseye

So for four months we walked around with what seemed like a bullseye on our backs and constant reports that we were acting up and being unprofessional.  When we asked for specifics, none were given just rumors and hearsay.  It became very unnerving. 

Many times in life these unseen adversities pop up and how we deal with them ultimately determines our stress level and happiness.  Sometimes these adversities are short term; a tree falls on your car, your HVAC system in your house goes out and needs to be completely replaced. 

Other times though, it seems like a black cloud or season of adversity comes over your life and you cannot figure out why?

We often ask: Why me? What's Next? Why Now?

We can go to counseling or read the bible or a book and get the exact answer on what we need to do but it does not change our emotional feelings of why we are in this place and the emotional struggles we are dealing with.

We can try to hide in our work, our family or other activities but when our mind wanders, it wanders to this adversity.

What I think is that God sometimes places this adversity in our lives to teach us a lesson and help us grow.  Quickly skim through this commentary on 1 Samuel 22.

At this point David had been anointed, he received some fame from slaying Goliath and recently had been married.  David was getting more military recognition than King Saul and things were going his way. 

Then King Saul gets jealous and attempts multiple times to kill David so David realizes it's time to get out of dodge. He goes to Gath and then realizes that these are his enemies and has to get out of Gath as well.

So David escapes Gath and goes to cave in Adullam. Cave_of_adullam

In the cave in Adullam, David waits and prays for answers from God.  However, David was supposed to be king, he was popular and famous and had things all going in his favor.  Now, he is stuck in a dark, cold place and cannot seem to see the light or the bright future that God has in store for him.

When adversity hits us and we end up in our own Cave of Adullam, how do we deal with it?  Do we question God's actions and ask why?

Never question in the darkness what God has shown you in the light.

One thing I have learned in my short life is that I learn more through adversity and struggle than I do from victory and smooth sailing. I believe that in order to get to the next level in life, faith, business, relationships, etc.  You must pay your dues and learn the lesson that graduates you to the next level.

"In unseen but powerful ways, God is engraving truths using circumstances as a plow to plant truths in you that are required for you to go to the next level."

Read that again slowly.

When David was in Adullam he could not see the palace and Gods plan for him in the future.  God had something great in store for David but first he needed to build him up in preparation for the future. His character needed building.

Adversity is not punishment but preparation.

God has something wonderful in store for us but first he needs to build us up to prepare us for our future.  Some of your darkest days end up to be your greatest learning points and turning points in our lives.  I know this is true for me.

Again, how we respond to this adversity is absolutely crucial in whether we learn theManlookingtotheskylesson or we have to take the lesson over.  Believe me, times in my life God has put a lesson in front of me and I did not learn it so later on down the road I got to go through the same lesson again.

I once had a CEO tell me that success people are people who take calculated risks and often fail but when they fail, they learn the lesson and move on, not making the same mistake again.

Some people are not willing to learn the lesson.  They respond with Blame, Jealously, Revenge, Pity or my personal favorite Isolation.  I like to isolate myself in my work, reading or even this blog.

If we miss God's lesson we must repeat it.  We must find God in this place and learn the lesson. 

One of the books for my children during their Legacy Dad Process is It's Not What Happens to You, It's What You Do About It by W. Michell

W. Mitchell had adversity after adversity thrown at him.  He was burned and disfigured then a few years later paralyzed. Through it all he maintained a positive attitude and still went on to become a successful businessman and speaker.

For further evidence read about Hugh Redmond and Viktor Frankl.

Read Davids Prayer in Adullam Psalm 142.

David took his adversity and complaints to God, not his spouse, children or co-workers.

Who do we take are complaints and challenges to?

Never question in the darkness what God has shown us in the light.

We must find God in this place of adversity and learn the lesson to move on to the greater place God has for us.

Don't get stuck in mediocrity, with God's help we can find Significance.

-Esse Quam Videri-

Unplugging

I was reading a review and interview for a new book called Dadditude by Philip Lerman and one of comments he made was very profound and stuck with me.  There are so many distractions these days at home: Phones, Internet, TV, Blackberries, etc. Dadditude

But as parents we need to learn to unplug at home and spend quality time with our children.  I have learned that I have to try to set limits as to how long I can mess around on this blog, watch football or whatever and take time to unplug and spend time with my children. 

We try to go on family walks daily, play board games and watch family movies together.  Also just praying together, getting everyone at the dinner table together or practicing soccer in the backyard further gives us chances for quality time with the kids.

It amazed me when I went Christmas shopping this year that some people cannot simply get off their cell phones.  They walk around the store talking or I even saw one woman spend an entire 15 minutes in a coffee shop and she never put her phone down? 

Come on people, unplug for a few hours and really speak to your children's hearts.

One of my goals this year is to spend at least a half hour per day, per child just getting in some quality time and getting inside their special world.  One thing my daughter said to me a few weeks ago really rang true "Daddy, you spend a lot of time on the computer."

Wow, big wake up call.  Do you want to be remembered as the dad with the cell phone glued to his ear or the dad who always has time for his children?      

Goals 2008

I figure it is that time of year again where people make some goals for the new year.  A lot of people make goals but fail to stick to them, I find that writing them down and looking at the goals daily really helps me. 

You also must reverse engineer your goals.  If you want to lose 10 pounds in 2008, you must first learn that that is 0.83 pounds per month.  To do this you would need to sustain a 2000-2500 calorie per day diet and burn 3500 calories extra per month. 

To burn 3500 calories per month you would need to figure out which exercises could you do weekly to ultimately burn those calories and most importantly, you need to pick some exercises that you enjoy doing (hiking, walking with the family, bike riding) and then set up a schedule to do these. 

I often find that the best way to stick to goals is also to write them down and share them with people and have someone who keeps you accountable for these goals.

So here it goes:Goals

My Goals For 2008:

Spiritual - Read the Bible 20 minutes each day, Take a Men's Fraternity course

Family
- Cook meals and do dishes at least 2 nights per week, Go on a date with my wife at least once per month, Spend 30 minutes of quality time per day with each child

Fitness
- Lose 8 pounds and start running a minimum of 10 miles per week again.

Financial
- Replenish Savings after Christmas, Invest $15K Short Term for next Real Estate Investment

Education - Learn French (work related) and read 25 Books this year.

Personal Growth - Manage time better, focus a majority of my time on what's really important, strengthen current friendships and develop new friendships.

I Apologize

Forgive me for taking so much time off from this blog, I really needed to refocus after going through some pretty intense training for my "job."  However, I am back and we will start off with answering some of the questions I have had from many readers, mainly the "How do I do this" "What are the steps." 

I am also working on something called "The Finance Book" for some of my colleagues at work and I will also publish it here.  It will cover everything you need financially from building a Values Based Financial Plan to discovering what is really important versus the junk we buy to try to impress others and ultimately the right investments for your plan. 
Stay tuned, it will be an exciting year in 2008. 

A Day and A Life

After my last post on stress, my friend Dante from Point Men sent me the following post.  Thanks Dante for the inspiration and encouragement. 

When did life become so busy.  How do we slow down.  What do weprioritize.  Where does my faith fall into my busy schedule.  How do Ifind quiet time to spend an hour or two in prayer and meditation.  Howcan I share my faith more in a hostile environment.  What does God wantfrom my marriage.

How should I raise my kids.  What does my wife wantfrom me.  Should I serve more or less at church.  How much should Itithe.  How much sleep should I get a night.  How can I exercise when Ihave to spend time with my wife and children.  How much money should Isave.  When should I go on vacation.  What does God want from me.Where does God want me to serve.  Will my life make a difference toanyone.

What does the Bible say about worry? 

Mathew 6: 25-33:"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eator drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life moreimportant than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look atthe birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much morevaluable than they? 

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour tohis life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies ofthe field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that noteven Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like of these.  If that ishow God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today andtomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, Oyou of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat? orWhat shall we drink? or What shall we wear?"

For the pagans run afterall these things and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.But seek first His Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these thingswill be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble ofits own."