Stress: In The Trenches

I haven't posted in awhile and I apologize, it has been very hectic with me finishing up a very demanding and time consuming course, the holidays and our family being stretched thin with activities, shopping and the usual. 

I've been snappy at the family and when I come home most nights I just want to sit down and watch some football.  Hardly a Legacy Dad?

Yet, I'm trying to draw myself out of this rut and focus more again on my family.  I'm hoping in the next week, with some vacation time, I will be able to refocus and rejuvenate. 

I guess there's times when there is just nothing much to write about and rather than try to force some inspiration it's just better to let things work themselves out.

We'll talk again soon....

Wordless Wednesday: Ferghana Valley, Uzbekistan

Our Pagan Friends

Let me paint a picture for you...

A nice family, married 9 years. 3 Children.  Perfect attendance at church.  Wife is in the womens bible study, husband participates in the worship band.  Kids can recite versus from memory. 

Now, who are their friends? 

I run into a lot of Christians, Christian Couples and Christian families the problem is they only associate with other Christians.  Many say they are "protecting their family" or "why would we want to associate with non-Christians?"

I believe we need to associate with Christians and non-Christians alike. 

I run into a lot of well meaning Godly people but they cannot associate with non-Christians or they simply can't relate with some of the struggles of non-Christians.

I believe in being "the light of the world" which means you have to live and associate "in" the world but not necessarily "of" the world.

As I have talked about before with parenting, I believe many Christians today try to create a Christian Cocoon in which they try to protect their children and family from any "outside, non-Christian elements."

We have many Christian friends but we also have many non-Christian friends and co-workers and the funny thing is, we don't minister to many of our Christian friends but we do a whole lot of ministering to our non-Christian friends.

Many of these people were raised in a Christian church but for one reason or another stop attending or left. 

Now please understand their is a subtle way to do this as well.  You don't want to be the Christian that constantly brow beats others and makes people run when they see you coming. We don't ram Christianity down their throats but we also don't hide our own beliefs and we often speak of our faith and how it has changed our lives.

I truly believe that only associating with Christians is selling ourselves short of many ministry opportunities.   

Case in Point: 

A co-worker was having problems with his marriage, he always heard me speak highly of my wife and of our marriage and heard others say I had a great marriage.  One day he asks me to go out for a drink at a bar after work.  (Many Christians would object simply for the fact of having a drink at a bar.)

I could see he wanted someone to talk to so I said yes.  He laid it all out for me over a couple of beers and then asked how I did it.  I then gave him a summarized version of my testimony and told him that I often struggle in many areas of my life including marriage but my faith has helped me through and given me further guidance in all areas of my life. 

Why did he come to the Christian for advice when he was an atheist?
Why did he feel comfortable coming to me instead of some of our atheist co-workers?

I'd like to think it was my "light" that attracted him but I really believe it was God's plan. 

Did he come to Christ there and the angels in heaven rejoiced?  No.

But the seed was planted. 

As far as hanging out with non-Christians, drinking in a bar giving marital advice, I'll let the bible speak and teach the final lesson on this. 

The Pharisees said of Jesus:  "The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, 'Here is aglutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners."
                                                                                                        --Luke 7:34

Jesus taught and associated with sinners and tax collectors.  He drank wine and ate at the houses of some of the most notorious characters of his day. 

I let him be my example.

A Week Of Thanks

Just wanted to tell everyone that I am taking this week off to spend time with my family and to give thanks for all the blessings we have received in the past year.

2007 has been a very hectic year for us and I really want to take some time to talk to God, get refocused and thank God for all the wonderful blessings he has given us this year. 

I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and we'll be back in a week with some further studies into finances and marriage as well as looking at modeling faith to our children without being overbearing or pushy. 

Happy Thanksgiving From The Legacy Dad Family To Yours!

Wordless Wednesday: Papua New Guinea

The Foundation of the Legacy: Part IV

Confused Allegiances

This marital trap comes when our priorities get out of line.  This normally happens in the subtlest of ways.  Usually we have our priorities straight then along comes some pressure:  A project at work.  Then the focus shifts from home to the job for this project.

So a man picks up the pace and runs a little faster with the intention of accomplishing this project then turning back to his family but the problem is we conquer this project and there is no STOP sign telling us to slow down.

So we continue running at the same internal rate not realizing that we missed a turn somewhere.  Then we wake up one day, long down the road and realize Oops, I left my family out. 

The same thing happens to women often with children.  The children become sick or need some extra help with school.  Mom joins the PTA, becomes a soccer Mom and sets her priorities aside to be a good mother.  It's the same thing any mother would do but soon the sole focus becomes the children and Mom forgets to slow down and re-insert her husband into the picture.  Soon the marriage drifts and Mom and Dad no longer have a relationship together only their kids between them.

Sometimes we try to find self worth in the wrong places.  We go to work and their is a relationship where another person values you because of your hard work or your expertise and we get the affirmation from him or her that we don't get at home from our spouse.  Not necessarily an affair but you are having a connection with that person because they are filling a void in your life.  When this happens, we no longer expect or pursue that feeling from our spouse. 

Here's the cure:

We have the grace to embrace our place.

Many times we rise to a challenge, conquer it, and then look for a new challenge often at the expense of our family and marriage. 

We have to be man enough to know our place.  We have to value our marriage and family over affirmation at work and over socio-economic status. 

I talk with some investors who sole purpose in life is to collect toys.  Cars, motorcycles, gadgets, the party lifestyle.  They brag and show pictures of this lifestyle and many people are attracted to it.  It's easy to get sucked into this trap especially with all the media promoting it. 

We have to accept the place and role we currently hold and make the best of it in the now.

I'm very guilty of this as I am always planning and looking towards the future, it is very easy for me to forget the now and solely focus on my future.

We also have to guard our heart. 

Time alone with the opposite sex is dangerous.  There is all sorts of traps out there where people notice us, value us and show an interest in us that maybe we aren't getting at home.

I had a colleague at work who liked to play chess at night with someone of the opposite sex instead of being at home with his family and he couldn't see anything wrong with it.   He didn't understand it was wrong until I talked with him.

Transference is a very easy trap to fall into and I have personally seen many marriages ruined because of it.

Proverbs 4:23 says "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."

You can be friends with people of the opposite sex but your spouse should be your best friend and closest confidant.

Finally, we have to live our lives on purpose.

Most people take whatever life gives them and they are simply content to not be harassed.  They choose security and comfort over Significance and Greatness.

You have to know where you're going. Especially in your marriage.  Do we sit down and talk with our spouse and plan where we want to be in 5 or 10 years or do we just let the chips fall where they lay?

You can have romance and intimacy at 5,10,15,20 and even 50 Years of marriage if that is your goal.  Marriage is about being a team and setting goals and milestones together. 

You also have to live by biblical priorities.

Number one should be God and I do not mean church or church functions, I mean a close and intimate relationship of spiritual growth with our maker.

Number two should be our family in this order:
Spouse THEN CHILDREN.

Number Three should be our ministry.  You're a Christian before your a soldier or a mortgage broker or a physician.

We also have to look towards others and their needs.  It's easy to get wrapped up in our own selfish pursuits.  We need to set these aside and focus on the needs of others.

"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT)

Pride and Ambition can kill us. 

If we work hard for an intimate relationship with God, put our wife second only to God and work hard to have a close friendship and lasting romance and intimacy with her.  Then take the lead in raising our children and leave a lasting ministry by spreading God's word.  We are living on purpose according to biblical priorities.

I ask God daily to help me strengthen these areas of my life because focusing less on my plan and more on his plan, is leaving a legacy and becoming a Legacy Dad.

When The Leader Changes, The House Changes

One of the reasons I created Legacy Dad was because of the changes in my own life and to record these changes and how they affect our family.  My wife tells me this is a Longitudinal Study.  The results are never meant to be seen immediately but over the course of years if not decades.

As my friend Tim Kimmel says in his book "It's not raising kids who act right or grow up right, it's Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right."

That being said, my wife made the unique observation that the direction of the family whether spiritual, moral, or financial; hinges on the directions and guidance of the leader of the house. Typically the husband and father backed by the love and support of his wife. 

This is why changing and empowering Dads has such a huge impact.  You are not only changing yourself, but your whole family.  The spiritual changes I have made in my life in the past few years have had huge ripples in our family in a positive way.

I realize that the challenges I put forth on Legacy Dad are huge commitments.  I strive to live them daily but often fall short myself.  But, the end result has a far greater impact than we can ever imagine.  By simply striving to make one of the changes in our lives, we impact our entire family thus creating a lifelong legacy. 

My wife is taking a class on Parenting in Contemporary Society from a truly great professor, Kelly J. Welch. 

My wife tells me most people wait until they are in their 40's-60's before they start thinking in terms of leaving a legacy or striving for self actualization. 

At this age, many parents are ending their parenting career and looking at becoming empty nesters, thus missing many important years of guidance and mentorship.

What I challenge us Dad's to do, is to draw a blueprint now for our children's future greatness.  I often hear Christian men talk of moral failure, divorce, addictions, and priorities that are out of whack.  I challenge us to stand up and be the man that we know we can be.  Prove the statistics wrong, set the example for others to follow, be the rock that others come to for strength and encouragement. 

The simple difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people have the following:

• Clearly Defined Goals

• Long Term Thinking

• A Road Map To Achieve Their Goals

• The Self Discipline to do the things that other people will not, on a consistent basis.

By making the changes we need in our lives, we change our families.  If we want to be respected as True Men and Leaders of our house, we need to start acting like it.

Because When The Leader Changes, The House Changes and Then The Legacy Is Created.

Remembering Those: Veterans Day

My wife mentioned yesterday that I am now a three time Veteran.  I laughed because I remember Vet's as old guys who got together and told stories at the VFW over a couple of beers about Normandy, Chosin Reservoir and Da Nang. 

As a young kid, I would listen to these stories of heroism, valor and selfless service to a sometimes unappreciative American public and wonder if someday I would be called to serve my country as well? 

Here is to all those who are serving, have served, have loved someone who have served and to those personal friends and fallen comrades who have given the ultimate sacrifice for the betterment of this nation.

To all my personal brothers and sisters who have gone on to be with God.  Blue Skies, Rest In Peace. I'll never forget you or the smiles on your faces.