TOP 10 WAYS TO BUILD YOUR CHILDREN UP

top-10-mistakesTOP 10 WAYS TO BUILD YOUR CHILDREN UP:#10     TEACH THEM HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

#  9     TEACH THEM TO RESPECT THEMSELVES (AND THEIR BODIES) AND OTHERS

#  8     TEACH THEM GOOD STEWARDSHIP (OF TIME, OF TALENT AND OF TREASURE)

#  7     INVEST YOUR TIME IN THEM (THEY NEED MORE THAN QUALITY - THEY NEED BOTH QUALITY AND QUANTITY)

#  6     PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN, MAKE EYE CONTACT AND SHOW THEM THAT THEY MATTER TO YOU DAD

#  5     SHOW THEM YOUR FAITH:  MAKE THE BIBLE AN AUTHORITY IN YOUR LIFE, MAKE SERVING OTHERS A PRIORITY, MAKE YOUR FAITH REAL TO THEM

#  4     DATE THEM (TAKE THEM OUT ON ONE ON ONE DATES: IF THEY ARE YOUR DAUGHTERS THEN SHOW THEM HOW A LADY SHOULD BE TREATED.  IF THEY ARE YOUR SONS THEN SHOW THEM HOW TO TREAT LADIES AND BE A GENTLEMEN.

#  3     TELL THEM ABOUT GOD - READ THE WORD WITH THEM. PRAY WITH THEM, OPEN UP TO THEM.

#  2     LOVE THEM, KISS THEM, HUG THEM - DO NOT WITHHOLD LOVE WITH THEM.  EVEN WHEN THEY MESS UP - FORGIVE THEM AS GOD HAS FORGIVEN US.  SHOW THEM HOW TO APOLOGIZE AND TO FORGIVE (AND THEN SHOW THEM HOW LOVE DOES NOT KEEP SCORE, DOES NOT KEEP RECORD OF RIGHT AND WRONG.

#  1     TELL THEM ABOUT GOD.  ABOUT JESUS AND ABOUT HIS SPIRIT.  SHARE WITH THEM WHAT GOD HAS DONE FOR US THROUGH HIS SON JESUS AND WHAT JESUS HAS GIVEN US AS HE SITS AT THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD - HIS SPIRIT.

 

Therefore confess your sins to one another

Lance and I were talking about raw, authentic and uplifting men's group and we shared how we see that in my men's group (Men of Faith) and his men's group (Fight Club) and the relationships Printthat are not only being formed, but are growing both spiritually and physically.  For Lance and I, our men's groups have never been about numbers.  Rather, they are about guys getting together in raw, honest and transparent ministry.  The thing about Lance that drove me to this website back in 2007, was his willingness to abase himself and be real with who he is and where he came from.  He is brutally honest (in a loving way) and tells me how it is.  We often say that we wish that each of us lived closer, but we do not!1st John 3: 11 For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 24 Whoever keeps His commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us.  Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (His love).  9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.  James 5: 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working..  19 My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, 20 let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

men-af_600x144Legacy Dads (and men)  if you are looking for a men's group in your church like this (and you don't have one) don't wait on someone else to affirm it.  Grab a few other guys (who you see are willing to be faithful in the word and prayer and an admitted sinner - saved by grace) and start worshiping together.  Start praying together.  Start reading the Bible together and talk about real life issues.

Remember the Cardinal Rule #1 - what is said in that group stays in that group.

Remember the Cardinal Rule #2- if a brother confesses and shares that you are now on holy ground.  Don't trample over that with your words and thoughts of how to fix that brother- BECAUSE YOUR SHOULDN'T.  If the Spirit is moving you to talk or walk with that brother - then grab him after the small group of sharing and ask if you can meet for coffee or lunch or a meal or to talk and tell him that you were truly moved by him.  If you build trust and a relationship that brother will likely give you the permission to speak into his life (then that is the time, not anytime before) to speak into him.

Remember the Cardinal Rule #3- Be relational.  Be transparent.  Share from your heart, share your sin, your failures and what God is doing in your life right now.

In all that you do, lean and trust on the Lord.

Blessings,

Dante

 

 

Get your worship on...

Anthem Lights:[youtube id="4iEgs0WKR-c"]

Chris Tomlin:

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Matt Redman:

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Matthew West

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How about the rest of your day now that you have things put into perspective?

Psalm 150:1New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 150

Praise the Lord.[a]

Praise God in his sanctuary;    praise him in his mighty heavens

 

Blessings,

Dante

 

 

 

Lessons from Titus

titusTitus 2 The Message (MSG) 

A God-Filled Life

2 1-6 Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.

7-8 But mostly, show them all this by doing it yourself, incorruptible in your teaching, your words solid and sane. Then anyone who is dead set against us, when he finds nothing weird or misguided, might eventually come around.

9-10 Guide slaves into being loyal workers, a bonus to their masters—no back talk, no petty thievery. Then their good character will shine through their actions, adding luster to the teaching of our Savior God.

11-14 God’s readiness to give and forgive is now public. Salvation’s available for everyone! We’re being shown how to turn our backs on a godless, indulgent life, and how to take on a God-filled, God-honoring life. This new life is starting right now, and is whetting our appetites for the glorious day when our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, appears. He offered himself as a sacrifice to free us from a dark, rebellious life into this good, pure life, making us a people he can be proud of, energetic in goodness.

15 Tell them all this. Build up their courage, and discipline them if they get out of line. You’re in charge. Don’t let anyone put you down.

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Where to begin?

  1. Always start with Jesus
  2. He is the Author of our Salvation
  3. He gave us His Spirit
  4. Verses 11-15 says it all -  11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. 15 These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you.
  5. Remember that it always begins and ends with Jesus

Once you have this down, then you can instruct the others!Blessings,

Dante

 

 

The Habit Poem

The Habit Poem habits wordleI am your constant companion.I am your greatest helper or your heaviest burden.I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.I am completely at your command.Half the things you do, you might just as well turn over to me,and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.I am easily managed; you must merely be firm with me.Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons I will do it automatically.

I am the servant of all great men.And, alas, of all failures as well.Those who are great, I have made great.Those who are failures, I have made failures.I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine.Plus, the intelligence of a man.You may run me for profit, or run me for ruin; it makes no difference to me.Take me, train me, be firm with me and I will put the world at your feet.Be easy with me, and I will destroy you.

Who am I?

I am a HABIT!

(Author unknown)

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My son has a very fast brain and also has central processing disorder and ADHD in that he has a hard time following through.  My wife and I have been working on giving him tools, by which he can survive later in life, to help him through daily routines.  My wife sent this to me last night via Facebook and we both had to sadly laugh as our son has all 9 (as even some of these things apply to us): DSM-IV-TR Criteria for ADHD, Inattentive Type A child must display six of nine of the behaviors listed below: 1.often fails to give close attention to details, or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities; 2.often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities; 3.often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly; 4.often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions); 5.often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities; 6.often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework); 7.often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools); 8.is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli; and, 9.is often forgetful in daily activities. - our son has all 9 of these by the way.

Even with some of his disorders he is a straight A student.  The problem, though, is that he can become disheartened or frustrated in his daily jaunts because he lacks the central ability to process. His brain is amazing.  His memory is photographic.  His heart and compassion and understanding of God's scripture blows me away.

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This got me thinking on our daily walks.  Without a healthy habit, without a good routine, how can we, as Legacy Dads, succeed in our mission  - we simply cannot.

Some good habits that we can learn from Jesus:

  • Put good habits to practice in your daily life (get into the word, pray, walk with other brothers and be honest and accountable - Galatians 6:7-10 and James 1:22-25)
  • As disciples of Christ, we simply cannot lack discipline (1 Timothy 4:7)
  • Avoid these 3 things (don't let them influence your daily healthy habits:  1) The World 2) The flesh and 3) The Devil)
  • Do not grieve the Holy Spirit - repent, confess, pray and listen
  • Worship and Quiet time need to be healthy habits in your life
  • Start fasting - it does the body good
  • Serve others and use the gifts to glorify God
  • Fellowship with other brothers
  • Give
  • Share the Gospel

Blessings,

Dante

 

Speak Words...

speak lifeThis past Saturday, in men's group, we talked about our words and deeds in life. We never know who is watching and/or listening to our testimony.  The Book of James has a lot to say on this matter and really puts it out there for those of us who profess the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior.   All of this, being said, relies solely on the fact that without Jesus nothing is possible for life.  Words also happens to be a sermon series in our church and has been very powerful on how it is speaking to the body of Christ.After the men's group, one of my fellow elder brothers texted 3 other brothers and myself, "Gents I have loved this song for a long time for many reasons and play it/bump it  often in the car with my kids.  This morning's discussion immediately made me think about this song and about how often, because of selfishness, I collapse into the evil one's trap (the snare of the fowler), and choose death talk. May we listen.  May we plead.  Holy Spirit come and convict me/us to do what is not natural for us (unselfishness) and choose to speak life.  Love you guys.  Pass along"

The song that he is referencing is from Toby Mac called Speak LIfe

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Some of the lyrics states:

Some days, life feels perfect.

Other days it just ain't workin.

The good, the bad, the right, the wrong

And everything in between.

 

Though it's crazy, amazing

We can turn a heart with the words we say.

Mountains crumble with every syllable.

Hope can live or die

 

So speak Life, speak Life.

To the deadest darkest night.

Speak life, speak Life.

When the sun won't shine and you don't know why.

Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted;

Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope,

You speak love, you speak...

You speak Life, (oh oh oh oh oh oh) You speak Life. (oh oh oh oh oh oh)

---

 

The book of James puts it this way:

James 1:19-27 (NIV)

Listening and Doing

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

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As I have share one of my favorite poems called Watch Your Words, by Frank Outlaw:

“Watch your thoughts, they become words;

watch your words, they become actions;

watch your actions, they become habits;

watch your habits, they become character;

watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

 

The next time you engage life and speak into it:

  • With your spouse
  • With your children
  • With your work
  • With your church
  • With your community
  • With your neighbor
  • Especially with God

Guard your tongue:

James 3 (NIV)

Taming the Tongue

3:  1 Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

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This past Saturday morning's bible steady convicted me and encouraged me in the following ways with my wife, my kids and my Christian walk:

  • Guard my heart, my mind, my soul, my spirit and my tongue
  • Guard my thoughts
  • Speak words of hope to those that I can influence
  • Speak about Christ more often
  • When the Holy Spirit puts a word, a thought, a person in my heart and mind - then call that person, text that person, love that person (you never know how much they may need it)
  • Speak truth in love to my wife and kids and those in my influence
  • Watch my character around those that come across my daily path
  • Share the gospel always

As you read through this, think on the things written here and reflect on those things that you have to do, confess, give-up and grow.

Blessings,

Dante

 

 

 

Top 10 ways to build up your child

top-10-mistakesWhether in church or in your neighborhood or at any social gathering, all of us like to watch how other people live.  We are people who are built for community, just like our Creator is in community as the Triune God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit).  That being said, no matter the socioeconomic status that a parent may be in, one thing is constant in parenting - there are good and intentional parents, there are mediocre parents, and than there are parents who are self-absorbed, and if we are honest, are not really good parents.Before you dismiss me on this, think about the Christian walk - there are Christians who abide in God's word and walk in step with His Spirit and yield to biblical truths;  there are Christians who try to serve two masters:  1) the world and 2) God, and then realize that they are divided and conflicted in which way to go; there are Christians that have a lot of head knowledge of God, but have never connected  the heart (the question then becomes did they ever surrender to self and truly repent to God as Savior?  That is not for us to decide but that is between them and God.) Scripture gives us a way to know them by their fruit (Galatians 5.)  All of this is to make the point that there is no clear-cut way to parent.  Many of us, if we are honest, can look at any set of parents and realize that even with different parenting methods, there are those 3 types of parents.  Today, however, I would like us to focus on the good parenting and give us 10 ways that are good and healthy ways to build up our child.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (ESV) 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

 

Here are 10 healthy ways to build up your child

  1. Give them your time - it is not just about quality, your child also needs your quantity of time.  Dad's (and Mom's) when you give your child time, please put your phones down, turn off the television, hide the Ipads and give them your 110% devotion of time.  Let them know and feel like there is nothing else that matters when you are in that moment with them.  Love on them, hug them, reassure them and do life with them.  Get involved in their likes (not your likes for them).
  2. Show them your faith - Revolutionary Parenting is a book by George Barna that gives a good study on what it is like to raise be a Revolutionary Parent and I highly recommend this read.  Your child (children) are watching you and looking to see if there is a higher authority that you submit to.  Meaning:  Is God real in your life?  Is your faith real?  Do you practice what you preach?  When you sin, do you repent?  When you are wrong, do you apologize and ask for forgiveness and make it right?  Is your faith something that is caught or just taught?  If it is just taught and not giving them the desire to own your faith for themselves, then they will likely reject your faith.
  3. Encourage, Comfort and Urge - 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12a (NIV) 11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, 12 encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God.  Giving your child real confidence and truth in love is a sure-fire way for this child to be confident in who they are and when Jesus calls them to be His, they can find their identity in Christ, which is even healthier for them and their life.
  4. Discipline them - Proverbs 19:8 (ESV) 8 Whoever gets sense loves his own soul;  he who keeps understanding will discover good.   Proverbs 13:24 (ESV) 24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.  Your child needs boundaries and they are constantly testing those boundaries to see how far they can go.  Be consistent with the crime, do not waver and do everything in love (not anger).  For if God shows us mercy, we should be quicker to show those who we have been given stewardship over more mercy.  Give them a safe home and comfortable boundaries to thrive and to be secure.
  5. Disciple them - Matthew 28:19-20 (ESV) 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
  6. Point them in healthy directions - Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) 6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.   The older I get, the more this verse makes complete sense to me.  A lot of people, I believe, take this verse as if the child will never sin or depart from God's will...this is not a true conclusion (in my opinion) because we are all sinners and we are all broken, therefore, why wouldn't our children sin and depart from God's will?  The key to this verse, for us parents, is to make our faith real to them and show them that we will always yield to Scripture in our lives and that our faith is real.  When we guide them in the direction and facilitate life with them (we cannot always protect them from making mistakes or failing or falling) because that what life is.  We can guide them like a Sensei does in martial arts, for Sensei means:  "One who has gone before".
  7. Tell the truth - Let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no (be consistent) and do not teach them to lie by lying to them.  This doesn't mean that you don't protect their innocence as adolescents because we have to shelter them and their innocence while we can.  But as we discern their maturity in handling such matters in life, then be consistent in their lives by showing them character and integrity.
  8. Look for the teachable moments - whether you are at the breakfast, lunch or dinner table (or wherever opportunity thrives) share life with them in your experience and in giving them ethical dilemmas.  Give them a place to express themselves and to open up to you in order to see how faith in Scripture gives us the answers in every situation.
  9. Love your spouse - if you truly want to be a good parent to your child, then love your spouse.  Read 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians 5.
  10. Love them - tell them, hold them, kiss them and share God's word with them.  Do not withhold love from them.

What are some of your ways to build up your children?

Blessings,

Dante

 

 

 

Borderland, by John Mark McMillan

borderlandIn case you didn't know, I am a music man.  I love most kinds of music barring a few notable genres.  All that being said, I have become a songwriter over time.  I love raw and honest songwriters who really put it out there.  That being said, there is this one song that I cannot get enough of.  It is called, Borderland, by John Mark McMillan.  There is one part of the song that the lyrics go like this:Help me holy Jesus won't you show me how to liveI've got monsters at my table I've got Bibles bent like shivsHelp me holy Lord I see the light of Heaven's porchbut so many of us are born here outside your chain link fence

These lyrics are raw and to the point.  If you listen to the entire song you can reflect on The law of Moses compared to the finishing work of Jesus Christ on the cross for you and me.  It is a deep song and it puts things in perspective.  Whether we want to believe it or not we have two things working against us as Disciples:  1) Our old self nature and 2) Spiritual warfare (Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm).

I think the things that we have to realize (to discern) is when temptation comes our way that we have to ask ourselves is if this is warfare or old self coming at us.  We have to equip ourselves with other brothers to carry us through these times and troubles.  We have to be raw and open and honest with these brothers in order for them to help us carry these burdens in life.  Above all, we have to yield to the Holy Spirit who convicts us at times, encourages us and leads us in the way that we should go.

In these times of trials and tribulations, we should pray, "help me holy Jesus and won't you show me how to live" because we do have monsters at our tables and we need to have our bibles bent like shivs (to know the word and to live it gives us a might weapon to defend ourselves).

The song also states this:

Living in a borderlandI don't feel like a boy I don't feel like a manAnd the things I don't understandThings like love. Like the law, the law of the jungle

None of us are perfect nor can we earn our way into Heaven.  The law was given to condemn the sinner.  Jesus Christ came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it!  Before Jesus came we were called to obey the law and if we were guilty of one of the laws then we were guilty of all of them.  Jesus overcame that for us and become our new covenant.  His life was perfect and he fulfilled every prophecy about the Messiah - because He is the Messiah!

Because he died, we can live.  Because he lives we can die to our old selves and be a new creation in Christ.

Trust and obey, for there is no other way!

 

Blessings,

Dante

PS - John also wrote, How He loves me (also performed by David Crowder Band)