The Secret to Life - A 75 Year Study from Harvard University

This Saturday will be the first Men of Faith (men's group) of the year 2015 and I will have the pleasure to lead this group.  There are times in life when I like to look at secular viewpoints so I Googled the "Secret to Life" and was overjoyed when I find this article from the Huffington Post written back in 2013, The 75-Year Study that found the Secrets to a fulfilling life.  To put it simply, there was a Harvard University Grant that followed 268 male Harvard undergrads from the classes of 1938 to 1940 who are well into their 90's at present day.  George Vaillant, the Harvard Psychiatrist, who conducted this study from 1972 to 2004 wrote a book about it, in order to revisit the findings.  Below were 5 lessons from the Grant Study to apply to your own pursuit of a happier and more meaningful life (I will add scripture context to see if this hold true):Love Is Really All That Matters:  "It may seem obvious, but that doesn’t make it any less true: Love is key to a happy and fulfilling life. As Vaillant puts it, there are two pillars of happiness. "One is love," he writes. "The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away."  (Scripture test:  Click Here).

It's About More than Money and Power:  "The Grant Study's findings echoed those of other studies -- that acquiring more money and power doesn't correlate to greater happiness. That’s not to say money or traditional career success don’t matter. But they’re small parts of a much larger picture -- and while they may loom large for us in the moment, they diminish in importance when viewed in the context of a full life."  (Scripture test:  Click Here)

Regardless of How We Begin Life, We Can All Become Happier:  "A man named Godfrey Minot Camille went into the Grant study with fairly bleak prospects for life satisfaction: He had the lowest rating for future stability of all the subjects and he had previously attempted suicide. But at the end of his life, he was one of the happiest. Why? As Vaillant explains, “He spent his life searching for love.” (Scripture Test:  Click Here)

Connection Is Crucial:  ""Joy is connection,” Vaillant says. "The more areas in your life you can make connection, the better." The study found strong relationships to be far and away the strongest predictor of life satisfaction. And in terms of career satisfaction, too, feeling connected to one's work was far more important than making money or achieving traditional success.  "The conclusion of the study, not in a medical but in a psychological sense, is that connection is the whole shooting match," says Vaillant.  As life goes on, connections become even more important. The Grant Study provides strong support for the growing body of research that has linked social ties withlongevity, lower stress levels and improved overall well-being.  (Scripture Test:  Click Here)

Challenges --and the Perspective They Give You -- Can Make You Happier:  The journey from immaturity to maturity, says Vaillant, is a sort of movement from narcissism to connection, and a big part of this shift has to do with the way we deal with challenges.  Coping mechanisms -- “the capacity to make gold out of s*@t,” as Vaillant puts it -- have a significant effect on social support and overall well-being. The secret is replacing narcissism, a single-minded focus on one's own emotional oscillations and perceived problems, with mature coping defenses, Vaillant explains, citing Mother Teresa and Beethoven as examples. “Mother Teresa had a perfectly terrible childhood, and her inner spiritual life was very painful," says Vaillant. "But she had a highly successful life by caring about other people. Creative expression is another way to productively deal with challenges and achieve meaning and well-being. "The secret of Beethoven being able to cope with misery through his art was when he wrote 'Ode to Joy,'" says Vaillant. "Beethoven was able to make connection with his music."  (Scripture test:  Click Here)

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Some questions that I would have asked these men in this Grant Study:

• Do you know the Lord as Savior?
• How did you come to find these answers (through the Word of God)?
• Why is Love so important to you?

Harvard Laws of 1642:

Harvard College Lawes of 1642 (from New England's First Fruits)

1. When any Schollar is able to Read Tully or such like classicall Latine Author ex tempore, and make and speake true Latin in verse and prose suo (ut aiunt)Marte, and decline perfectly the paradigmes of Nounes and verbes in the Greeke tongue, then may hee bee admitted into the  College, nor shall any claime admission before such qualifications.2. Every one shall consider the mayne End of his life and studyes, to know God and Jesus Christ which is Eternall life. Joh. 17.3.3. Seeing the Lord giveth wisdome, every one shall seriously by prayer in secret, seeke wisdome of him. prov. 2.2,3 etc.4. Every one shall so exercise himselfe in reading the Scriptures twice a day that they bee ready to give an account of their proficiency therein, both in theoreticallobservations of Language and Logicke, and in practicall and spirituall truthes as their tutor shall require according to their severall abilities respectively, seeing the Entrance of the word giveth light etc. psal. 119, 130.5. In the publicke Church assembly they shall carefully shunne all gestures that shew any contempt or neglect of Gods ordinances and bee ready to give an account to their tutors of their profiting and to use the helpes of Storing themselves with knowledge, as their tutours shall direct them, and all Sophisters and Bachellors (until themselves make common place) shall publiquely repeate Sermons in the Hall whenver they are called forth.6. they shall eschew all prophanation of Gods holy name, attributes, word, ordinances, and times of worship, and study with Reverence and love carefully toreteine God and his truth in their minds.7. they shall honour as their parents, Magistrates, Elders, tutours and aged persons, by beeing silent in their presence (except they bee called on to answer)not gainesaying shewing all those laudable expressions of honour and Reverence in their presence, that are in uses as bowing before them standing uncovered or the like.8. they shall be slow to speake, and eschew not onely oathes, Lies, and uncertaine Rumours, but likewise all idle, foolish, bitter scoffing, frothy wanton words and offensive gestures.

Happy New Year - From Legacy Dad

Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV) “11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”Philippians 3:13-14 (ESV) “13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Whether you celebrate the New Year by toasting grape juice, pillows (going to bed early), or even Champagne, we would like you to look back for a gander in 2014.  For some of you, it has been full of travel and work and more travel and for others it has been just another year under the belt.   For some, it has been a year of trials and tribulations and for others it has been a year of jubilee and blessing.  While yet, for others, it may have been a year of both trial and blessing.  Whatever and where ever you are in this life - we would like to humbly wish you all a very Happy New Year.

So what is our challenge for 2015?

• Calling all Legacy dads:
• Strain toward the goal (finish well)
• Press toward walking more with God
• Lean more on God (Jesus and His Spirit) and less on ourselves
• Declare God's plan for our lives (and not our own)

When we work toward the goal of Jesus, we learn to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, then we see more of God's will in our lives and less of our will.

Remember, God does have plans for us - really good plans.

Happy New Year and the best to your and your families in 2015!

Blessings,

Lance & Dante

A Father Abandoned

Parenting advice and blogs seem to focus on two distinct areas: The new parents to school age child genre and the triage – something is wrong genre. As a result, 90% of the parents I talk with at my conferences and in discussions tend to fall into these two categories and it’s often hard for other parents to relate to me as a father of two teenagers. Unless there is a triage issue, most parents in the teen years have long stopped reading the parents blogs and have just settled in their groove.

Recently, I’ve discovered a phenomena that I’ve read about but did not expect to hit me so hard in the teen years, the Abandonment Issue. After returning from six months abroad in a foreign country, I’ve realized that my two teens are now fully engaged in their own lives and peer group. Each day, the kids have an agenda and schedule filled with school, activities and friends and the last thing on their list is spending time with dad. Gone are the days when dad was the apple of their eye and seen as a super hero that they would run to when scared or in need. Although I knew these days would come, I never thought that they would hit me so hard.

My logical side tells me that this is normal and part of the teenage years, where my kids spread their wings and try things on their own, but my emotional side feels abandoned and as if one chapter of my parenting book has ended. The teen years are the years when peer groups and peer influence become more prevalent in our children but as a father, although I realize that this is normal, it’s hard to not feel abandoned and insignificant.

When your children are little, you never think the day will come when they start to spread their wings and try things on their own and the day they leave your home for college seems like a fairytale in the distant future. However, as the years pass and they grow into young men and women, you soon realize that the distant fairytale is slowly getting closer and closer.

Although friends have become more important in my children’s lives and spending time with mom and dad is “boring” I have to remember that this is all part of God’s plan and that the fruits of years of prayer and hard work are unfolding before my eyes. I also have to remember to cherish the moments when my teens do want to spend time together and to make those moments memorable and meaningful. I pray that God gives me and all parents who enter into this new phase of parenting the strength to continue to reach out to our children, even when they don’t need us as much, and to continue to pray for their safety and that God works in their lives to bring about His ultimate plan for them.

Esse Quam Videri

Lance

FOMO(D) = Fear of Missing Out (Disease)

Fear of missing out or FOMO is a form of social anxiety, whereby one is compulsively concerned that one might miss an opportunity for social interaction, a novel experience, profitable investment or other satisfying event. The fear is especially associated with modern technologies such as mobile phones and social networking services such as Facebook and Twitter, which provide constant opportunity for comparison of one's status. Through an increased reliance on the Internet, a psychological dependence to being online has developed and results in anxiety when one feels disconnected, thereby leading to a fear of missing out.The older I get, the more that I am horrified of what technology and social media has done to this world.  Seriously, walk into a restaurant, a coffee bar, a shopping mall and look around and observe:  Mostly everyone has their heads in their smart phone or Ipad and are missing out on the beauty around them. God made us to be social beings, because in His trinity, he is teaching us the importance of community.  God made us as social beings - he wants us to be social.  "Go and make disciples" has explicit community attached to that statement.  God calls us to be pure, to be faithful and to be good stewards of our time, talent and treasure.  I think when we spend so much time in fruitless matters (on FOMO events).

The other day, I was out to dinner with my family and noticed a handsome couple, it seemed obvious that they were on their 2nd or 3rd date as they both seemed relatively new to one another.  The thing that I found was really sad was that they both spent more time in their phones then looking into each other's eyes.  How many conversations that you are in, do you notice people, over generations, have lost the art of conversation.  Seriously observe the next time you are talking or watch others talking:  They are not focusing on the person in front of them, or in conversation, they are looking for the better thing, or the more interesting person walking along. My wife and I try and teach our kids this art of conversation.  When someone talks to you, look them in the eyes and acknowledge that they are important to you.  If you are at a restaurant (or service location) and the server (employee) is asking you something, give them the respect of their time and engage their conversation - this is an art of respect.

TOP 10 REASONS WHY WE NEED TO LET GO OF FOMO

1. When you are not in the moment, you may be missing the very blessing that God wants you to receive (or to give)
2. When you are suffering from FOMO, fear and anxiety can often set in
3. When FOMO rules your life, you are missing the beauty that is around you
4. When FOMO dominates your life, you are quickly overwhelmed by social media, electronics and the like that become idols in your life
5. When FOMO reigns in your life, you are not serving God the way that he wants you to
6. When FOMO becomes more important then the person in right in front of you, you are not honoring God's request in our life for community
7. When FOMO has overrun you, you are quick to be bored
8. When FOMO controls your thoughts, expectations and anticipations, it is really hard to be satisfied
9. When FOMO controls you, you will likely put a smile on the evil ones
10. When FOMO is put in its rightful place (the least of your priorities) you will soon be finding God's will in your life

I am not sure about you and what FOMO looks like in your life, but I know the more of what I put in my life, the more my life bears that fruit.  What fruit do you want to bear?  The Fruit of the Spirit or of the sinful nature.

Thoughts?

Dante

Twas the night before Christmas, by Legacydad

"The Night Before Christmas" by Legacy Dad'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a child was screening a IPad nor even an IPhone.  The parents were working hard to finish the packing and even wrapping the last minute deliveries.  A movie just ended about a sad story, but not to fear, it all works out through the evening.

The children were wrestling and wondering, could this man called Saint Nicholas be for real.  Some doubted and reasoned while yet others were hoping that maybe just maybe Norad Santa Tracker could be for real, then the morning would truly bring their hearts’ desires.

As mom and dad prayed for just a few more hours, hoping that children would sleep way past their wake up hours, a sound arose from their hearts, yes a sound, the spirit of Christmas.

A long time ago, in a town called Bethlehem, a child was born of a virgin.  Fulfilling age old prophecies, one child named Jesus would prove them all true.  His dad, our God, sent him to us, as a gift of mercy and love for all of us.

Mom and dad decided to read that old Bible, Luke 2 it was , with all of its mercy.  A boy was born and was visited by wise men, bearing gifts to this king – gold, frankincense and myrrh.  Some odd gifts they were, but true telling of the young lad:  A king, a prince, who would die a death for us – for love and mercy.

When tomorrow morning comes, inside all the fury, we, parents need to remember the birthday celebration:  Christ the child was born for us, our sins he covered with his death.  Let us remember to give God the glory.  In all we do, in words and action, Christmas is the day for us to begin anew, to be his disciples.

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Best wishes,

Dante & Lance

Discipleship Part 2: The lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the Pride of Life

Do Not Love the World1 JOHN 2: 15Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. 17The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

When you think about these words, they are really tough to handle as a disciple of Jesus Christ.  Tough to handle in the way that our old self (dead to sin) is still at war with our new self born again in Jesus Christ.  We are no longer owned by death, as death has lost its hold on those who profess Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.  The problem is when we entertain lust in our lives.  Lust is defined as, "intense sexual desire or appetite".  There are three things that can pull us away from what God's perfect plan for us is:

Lust of the eyes:

• Beauty (desiring what we see, but cannot have)
• Nudity
• Sexual appetite
• Desire
• Want
• Greed

Lust of the Flesh

• Acting on that which we desire by sight
• Giving in to the temptation of the eyes
• Gratifying our desires via the flesh
• Gluttony
• Overdoing
• Insatiable Appetite (nothing can fill it)
• Addictions (drugs, alcohol, sex) and giving in to them

Pride of life

• Putting our needs before God's will
• Succoming to our desires, thereby following the worlds path instead of God's
• Becoming god-like without the power to save (we did it our way NOT God's way)
• Selfishness
• Arrogance
• Un-repentance

How to equip yourself for these 3 major battles:

• Put on the new self
• Holy Living (click here)
• Become a living sacrifice (click here)
• Renew your mind (daily and for some minute by minute)
• Confess and Repent
• Turn away from (in simple terms: RUN)

Next up, running the race:  Equip, Prepare, FightBlessings,

Dante

By Faith - We are children of the promise

Hebrews 11 New International Version (NIV)Faith in Action

11: 1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.

3 By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

4 By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead.

5 By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.”[a] For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. 6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

7 By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that is in keeping with faith.

8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. 11 And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she[b] considered him faithful who had made the promise. 12 And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.

13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

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17 By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, 18 even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.”[c] 19 Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death.

20 By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future.

21 By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff.

22 By faith Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions concerning the burial of his bones.

23 By faith Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.

24 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. 27 By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the application of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.

29 By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.

30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the army had marched around them for seven days.

31 By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.[d]

32 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, 33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. 36 Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were put to death by stoning;[e] they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.

39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, 40 since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

Overwhelmed this Christmas Season

I have been on a long business trip that has taken me away from home since the 29th of November.  I am excited to be flying home tomorrow.  I am thankful for God's faithfulness in my life and His love for His servant (me).  There has been a song that has carried me through these past two weeks:  Big Daddy Weave - Overwhelmed.  The song goes like this (official video)[youtube id="BiGb14tTaH4" height="315" width="560"]

What overwhelmed me this morning was reading through Matthew, Luke and John about the birth and beginning:  It's all about Jesus.  The faithfulness of God throughout the entire lineage up to the birth of Jesus.  The love of God to let two wonderful servants meet this Savior before their death and the incredible love of what that means for all of us who profess His name:  Jesus.

I am not sure about you, but this whole thought overwhelms me!

Some thoughts and reflections for you this Christmas Season:

• Read with your family through the advent book (click here to buy it)
• Read the Gospels of the accounts of Jesus through God's inspired word and talk with your kids
• Make the season about giving instead of focusing on getting
• Bless another family or someone who has nothing
• Serve in a soup kitchen
• Insert your suggestions here:  ___________________

What about you?

Blessings,

Dante