Defending your faith against pornography - Are you a true disciple...

por·nog·ra·phy

[pawr-nog-ruh-fee]  Show IPA

noun

obscene writings, drawings, photographs, or the like, especially those having little or no artistic merit.

Word Origin & Historypornography

1857, "description of prostitutes," from Fr. pornographie, from

Gk.pornographo s " (one) writing of prostitutes," from porne "prostitute,"originally "bought, purchased" (with an original notion, probably of"female slave sold for prostitution;" related to pernanai "to sell," fromPIE root per- "to traffic

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I am not the man that I used to be!  That being said, I struggle daily with sin and temptation and trying not to follow the ways of this world.  Below you will note scripture references that will be used for this post.  Before I begin with the subject line of this post, I wanted to clarify a few points:

• There is nothing I can do to earn salvation
• I am a sinner saved by grace
• I have confessed that I am a sinner, that I need Jesus, that I believe that he was born of a virgin, lived a perfect life, died on a cross and rose again and now sits at the right hand of God the Father (Romans 10:9)
• Because Jesus is my personal savior, the sins of my past, present and future are forgiven - ONCE & FOR ALL TIME!
• Nothing I can do on my own, all things come from God above
• My call to discipleship is my sanctification - to turn from this flesh and to do the will of God (share the good news, let the Holy Spirit who dwells in me sanctify me, to finish well)

Men, I want to state one thing about pornography - It is from the pit of hell!  It is not God's will that we corrupt our temples (our bodies) by defiling it with obscenity and crude acts of behavior.  To be a true disciple of Christ is to avoid the ways of this world.  How can I say this, simple, Jesus not only points us to the 10 commandments, he takes it further.  First of all, he says that we should not commit adultery, but he tells us that if we look lustfully upon another woman that we have already committed adultery in our hearts.  He says that we are not to murder our brother, yet he goes further and says that if we hate our brother we have already committed murder.  There is no minced words here. We are called to be holy.  We are called to be pure and we are called to avoid the ways of this world.

Impure thoughts are rampant in pornography.  It feeds our desires and destroys the marriage bed - meaning pornography takes more and more and gives less and less.  Images scar our brains and defile our temples (our bodies).  By feeding this lust, we corrupt our purity.

When we give into these fleshly desires we leave ourselves wide open for spiritual attack - we are weakened - we are neutralized as disciples of Christ.  If you say that you don't see a problem with pornography then I beg you to defend your position against scripture - against the verses listed below.

Some disturbing facts about porn:More Alarming Facts:

• 35% of all internet downloads are pornographic
• 43% of all internet users view pornographic material (1 out of 3 are female)
• For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography
• Sex & porn are among the 5 top search terms for kids under 18
• The average age of first internet exposure and pornography is 11 years old
• Half of all hotel guests order pornographic movies
• 38% of adults think it is morally acceptable to look at pictures of nudity and sexual behavior
• The pornography industry, according to conservative estimates, brings in $57 billion per year, of which the United States is responsible for $12 billion.

(more stats available at xxxchurch.com)

5 ways to help you from Porn:

1. Get accountability in your life (brothers in a men's bible study, software for your computer, for your smartphones and so on)
2. Memorize Scripture - Job 31:1 - I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully upon another woman
3. Get professional biblical counseling
4. Confess your sin(s) to your brothers
5. Pray and read God's word daily (and move temptations away from your grasp)

Scripture references:

Matthew 5:28 ESV / 616 helpful votes

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 ESV / 487 helpful votes

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Psalm 119:37 ESV / 459 helpful votes

Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV / 402 helpful votes

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 John 2:16 ESV / 273 helpful votes

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

Philippians 4:8 ESV / 164 helpful votes

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Hebrews 13:4 ESV / 147 helpful votes

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Ephesians 6:11-17 ESV / 145 helpful votes

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.

1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV / 136 helpful votes

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Psalm 119:9-10 ESV / 129 helpful votes

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!

Galatians 5:19 ESV / 128 helpful votes

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,

Proverbs 7:21-27 ESV / 121 helpful votes

With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths,

1 Corinthians 6:9 ESV / 103 helpful votes

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,

Job 31:1 ESV / 100 helpful votes

“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?

Patterns and Healthy Habits

Patterns and Healthy Habits

2 Timothy 1 English Standard Version (ESV)

Guard the Deposit Entrusted to You

³ I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. ⁴ As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. ⁵ I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. ⁶ For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, ⁷ for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.  ⁸ Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, ⁹ who saved us and called us to^[a] a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began,^{[b] 10} and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, ¹¹ for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, ¹² which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.^{[c] 13} Follow the pattern of the sound^[d] words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. ¹⁴ By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you

I have been very blessed this past several weeks as I get to be intentional in mentoring and walking in accountability with some of my dear brothers in Men of Faith.  One brother of mine and I have been sharpening and challenging each other to grow spiritually.  He is older than me, but asked if I would mentor him.  I accepted on what condition, that he would mentor me as well, that this would be a give and take relationship.  This has been very rewarding and yet humbling for me.  Over the past two weeks we have been challenging each other to pour into the book of 2^nd Timothy.  There is such wealth in the Bible and in this first chapter alone that we could spend months on end unwrapping this in our men’s ministry.  Three things that I have underlined above are paramount in our discipleship:

What is holding us back?

• Fear?
• Anxiety?
• Stress?
• Anger?
• Unconfessed Sin?

We are not doing this alone.  For those of us that profess Jesus Christ as Savior we know that Jesus promised us that we would not be left alone to tend to his business while he sits at the right hand of God until his time has come.  He has left us His Spirit, our counselor.  We are given His Spirit in us – This very Spirit was from the very beginning of our creation.  This Spirit is part of the triune God.  This Spirit is in us.  This Spirit leads us in ways that we do not always know where we are going, but God does.  This Spirit is of Power and Love and Self Control.

We need to embrace this Power:

• Let Go and Let God
• Let Go and Listen to His Spirit
• When in doubt, pray
• When in confidence, lean not on our own understanding
• When we are sure, praise God
• Do not be afraid!  Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight (Hallelujah!)

The second thing that we learn from this text (amongst many other things) is that we need to have biblical patterns (also hobbies and habits) in our life.  We need margin, that is, stewardship (of our time, our talents and our treasures).   The purpose of biblical pattern in our life is that we hear from God through His living word.  We lean on His word and not on our own understanding.  We form healthy patterns to the wants and desires from God for our life.  We read that He has plans for us that will not harm us and that will bless us by what He calls the abundant life.  Does this mean that we will always be prosperous – yes (BUT NOT IN WORLDLY TERMS).  Don’t listen to individuals who teach prosperity gospel.  God says for us to test him in giving, but he doesn’t promise prosperous gains of fortune, rather he promises blessing.  What is that blessing?  It is different for each one of us.  To some are given 10 talents, to others 5 talents and to others 1 talent.  To some is given the gift of teaching and preaching, to others the gift of mercy and still to others the gift of giving.  In this life, when we profess the name of Jesus, we are sure of two things:  1) Our salvation and 2) that trials and tribulations will come because of this name – Jesus.

By putting pattern and habits and hobbies of biblical application in our life, we can see spiritual growth because it is no longer on our understanding and accord.  Instead, we yield in prayer and meditation to the will of God.  We can avoid pitfalls and temptations from the evil one and spiritual warfare is no longer having its way with us, instead, the true disciple is praying the prayer for Armor (Galatians 6) and leaning on God’s ways and not our ways.

Some of these ways are:

• Praying daily
• Reading the word daily
• Meditating daily
• Attending a bible study, a small group (church) and regularly attending a church body (becoming part of that body instead of being a spectator)

We are to guard this knowledge with our life.  I am a movie guy and the one movie that really drives this point home is The Book of Eli (starring Denzel Washington).  The movie is violent and not for impressionable minds, however, the movie has an unbelievable message about guarding this knowledge – an incredible message.  If you haven’t seen this movie – tell me what you think.  If you are not a violent type of moviegoers than email me at dante@legacydad.com and I will respond to you via email about the symbolism of this message in the movie.

In all that you do, seek first the Kingdom of God.  Love your neighbor as yourself and bear witness to His Gospel.Blessings,

Dante

Raising Kids In A Fallen World

This past week, Dante emailed me asking if his recent post I Am Free To Be Me came off as too harsh or judgmental.  The post talked about a familiar topic here at Legacy Dad - parenting in the world but not of it and raising kids who are compassionate versus judgmental and hypocritical.Here are my comments from an email to Dante.  Dante thought I should share these comments with our entire Legacy Dad community.

My wife and I walk a fine line between in the world and of the world with our kids.  I guarantee some of our friends and other parents in our church do not agree with this parenting choice.  Many Christian parents cloister their children from the world out of fear that the world will influence or somehow infect their Christian children.  To some extent, I agree with them.  At younger ages (under 12) I say protect them as much as possible and to use these years to build a solid Christian foundation in our children.   However, at some point, they are going to be faced with the culture and living in the world.  Our goal has always been to build a solid Biblical foundation within our children so when they do come face to face with the fallen world, they will make the right choices and default to their Christian morals and values.

Unless we raise our kids in a hermetically sealed Christian environment (which I don’t recommend)  sadly these days, they will often be the anomalies among their peers.  Most of my children’s peers for the past 5 years have had no relationship with Christ or a superficial relationship at best.  But rather than only allowing our kids to associate with other Christian kids, we've encouraged them to build bridges and relationships with their non-Christian friends.

My wife and I’s approach is to raise kids who are in the world everyday and who are a light to their peers.  As a result, our kids are accepted by both the Christian crowd and the non-Christian crowd, which both have their positives and negatives.   To date, my kids have been exposed to drug and alcohol use, sexual activity, explicit media, etc. all via their peers both Christian and non-Christian.   However, rather than choosing to take part in these activities, they abstain from them and do what is morally right.  In many cases, they have won the respect of others because of their faith and morals.  Almost daily, we talk as a family about their struggles and their peers making destructive choices.

I'll be the first one to admit, many Christian parents are not comfortable with this environment, yet we are taking this approach to show our kids that they can live in the world but not be of the world.  Even though our kids are exposed to the world, they continue to choose not to succumb to the sins of it.  In our opinion, this is preparing them for life.  When they leave our home, they will be exposed to all the evils of the world and they will be able to make whatever choices they want.  My wife and I are trying to give them a track record of dealing with these issues and choosing not to sin over a several years rather than throwing them to the wolves in college or when they leave our home.

I think a great metaphor is modern video games.  Many researchers think first person shooter games teach and influence kids to kill.  Just as many researchers say it does not.  My opinion is that it is not the games but the child's moral foundation that predicts whether someone would be influenced by this form of media or not.  When my son turned 13, he wanted to start playing these games because most other boys were playing them.   When I questioned my son about this, his answer was that "a game was fantasy not reality".  He said, "in reality, killing is wrong and a sin but killing is also a reality in our fallen world."  Both our kids understand that all forms of media – games, television, and music is not a reflection of reality but fantasy or someones lens of a particular situation, often with an underlying message that may be biased or have an influential agenda.

When it comes to media, my kids have repeatedly illustrated to my wife and I that they understand that many of these people are not role models but lost people without Christ living in a fallen world.  My kids moral compass tells them that this is crude entertainment and not a reflection of God nor reality.  One might argue, why not just filter all their content and not expose them to any of this in the first place?  In my opinion, it's because we are teaching and allowing our children to make their own choices and reinforcing the idea that when you are confronted with this type of media, they have a choice to make and they have to decide whether this is glorifying God or not.  We could filter and control their lives but they are already seeing and dealing with these choices by living everyday in our fallen world.

I honestly believe that if you build the foundation of morals and values strong, it does not matter what the world throws at them as they will default to Christ and their faith.  They may struggle or have setbacks, even strong Christian adults do this, but they are learning at an early age to think for themselves and make educated choices that are consistent with their faith and beliefs.  The reality is that we are all tempted, this does not go away when we give our hearts to Christ, but how we positively deal with this temptation and influential messages, is evidence of our faith, character and submission to Christ.

However, if a child's (or adults) moral foundation is weak, superficial and shallow or the child has not been allowed to make independent decisions often in the past, they may be influenced by these forms of media and that can be dangerous, in these cases greater parental oversight may be needed.  This is a question each parent has to ask themselves and decide based on each child and their current walk with Christ.  My wife and I have chosen to teach independent, faith-based decision making since our kids were toddlers.  The older they get, the more freedom we give them to make these decisions as they prove they are mature and capable enough of making these choices.

I am a lot more lenient on media content as the kids grow older because I know it’s more of a “fitting in” thing among their peers than our kids being influenced by these media outlets.  When we see or hear questionable media, I often let it slide but also explain why it’s not appropriate.  Some parents would not agree with me on this and I would support them.  Again, we are walking a fine line between in the world and of the world and not everyone is comfortable with that nor are their children prepared for that.  Our aim in parenting is always moderation while adhering to strong morals and values.  We are not overly restrictive or fear-based parents (which studies show leads to rebellion and kids leaving their faith) but we are also not liberal, permissive parents that have no boundaries.  Many parents we know do not allow their children to make the choices we allow our children to make but, to each their own.

We’re at the point now where we only minimally filter their media content but we remind them and expect them to choose appropriate material.  We place the responsibility on them and hold them accountability or make comments if they choose questionable material.

Bottom Line:  We could spend all our time filtering and keeping our kids from the evil and influences of the world or we can spend all our time modeling to them what right looks like, what authentic faith is, what Godly choices are and not worry about what the world throws at them.  If our faith is strong and our God is mighty and on our side, why should we fear the world and it’s corruption?  We are trying to show our kids that temptation and sin is real and a fact of life, how we react and the decisions we choose makes all the difference.

Recently, my son was around some friends who were smoking marijuana and I asked him if he had thought about doing it too.  He became very upset with me over the fact that I would question his character or even think that he would do this.  He was hurt that I did not trust him to make the right choice, especially given his previous track record.  I had to change my tone with him, tell him I'm sorry and ensure him that I did trust him and I know he would make the right choice.

Again, this is a scary path for most parents, you are basically testing your children’s faith and character on a daily basis.  However, I honestly believe this is how spiritual growth and discipleship happens.  Our kids will face all these challenges and choices as adults, so why not teach them now?  My wife and I give our kids a lot of freedom and then check, almost daily, how they are dealing with this freedom and the choices they are making.  We are constantly reinforcing what Godly morals and values look like without having to restrict or censor their lives and they have yet to stumble badly with this approach.

The other side to this approach is that although our kids are living in the world and being put in situations where they are facing and dealing with sin, temptation and non-Christians on a daily basis, our kids have also had the opportunity to befriend many lost and hurting kids, give them hope, bring them to Christ or showed them what God looks like.  The only way this happened was by being in the world alongside these lost and hurting kids and earning their trust.

My kids have led more of their friends and on some occasions their friends entire families to Christ in their few short years on this earth, than I have in all mine.  In my mind, this is my evidence that what we are doing (raising kids in the world but not of the world) really works and really builds authentic faith that can be outwardly expressed in compassion and empathy for the lost.

Not sure if this helps or just opens up more questions?

Lance

When to listen, when to follow and when to lead

When to listen, when to follow and when to leadTop 5 quotes from Leadership

"A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment."

"Divide and rule, a sound motto. Unite and lead, a better one."

"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity."

"Being a leader is like being a lady, if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't."

"Lead, follow, or get out-of-the-way."

This morning a group of roughly 50 men met for our Saturday morning men’s bible study (we call ourselves:  Men of Faith).  This is a very special group that has been growing over the past five years (spiritually) and it has been a joy and honor to be a leader in this group.  From 6:30am to 6:40am we sing praises to God.  From 6:40am to 7am we have to facilitators that lead discussion (which has scripture and usually a theme) and then from 7am to 7:30am we have 2 large group discussions.  From 7:30am to 8am we have small group prayer groups where some men confess, some men ask for prayer and some men listen more while others share more, but in any case we are carrying each other’s burdens through word, prayer and deed.  Again, it is a joy to be part of something so special. I have been walking with some men, some that are being mentored by me and others that are in accountability with me.  If you are not doing this then I would challenge you to find a “Paul” in your life (someone who speaks truth in love and yet holds you to biblical standards and truth.  I would also encourage you to find a “Timothy” in your life so you can pour into them as your “Paul” is pouring into you.  Through this process I have been sharpened, challenged and blessed to see the growth in men’s lives (including mine).  It is a humbling experience, yet so very rewarding.

Through LegacyDad.com, and through walking with men who are not part of men of faith, I feel sadness and compassion for men who are trying to do life as Lone Wolf McQuade.  The state of the average man in this world, spiritually, is very frightening.  In 2 Timothy 3  (NIV) we read, “3 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”  I am saddened by how men our portrayed in this world as passive and as followers instead of leaders and men of integrity.  In talking with some of the men I walk with, it is almost as if the men in today’s culture are comfortable being relegated as the “follower” in marriage and parenthood instead of the spiritual leader that God calls us to be.

How do we move men from being “pew-sitters” to “heavy-hitters” in the kingdom of God?  How do we encourage, comfort and urge or brothers to live a life worthy of God?  How do we set in motion the things that God the father wants and expects from us instead of us serving ourselves?  This brings me to this post:  When to listen, when to follow and when to lead.

When to listen:  (James 1:19)

• Be quick to listen, be slow to speak and be slow to become angry – this will save you years of heartache and frustration.
• Read God’s word daily – meditate on his word, pray over his word and study and take notes on God’s word
• Pray daily – walk with godly men and pray for each other and for each other’s needs
• Spend quiet time with the Lord – listen for his ever so quiet voice.  Hear the words that He speaks through his Spirit

When to follow:

• Turn around – When you think you are leading, then turn around and look to see if anyone is following you?  If they are not, then quietly get back “in line” and follow leaders that God has put before us.  Humble yourself before a Holy God and be content with what He has given us.
• If you are not affirmed – if leadership of the church (Pastors, elders and lay-leaders) does not affirm you then don’t rebel or find discord instead anchor yourselves to Hebrews 13:17 which puts the onus on these leaders.  That is, if they are not in line with God’s will, then they will have to give an account for leading others astray – woe to these leaders!
• Be honest - If you are serving two masters – you cannot lead others in God’s kingdom if you are being led astray by sin and trying to serve a Holy God.  Please don’t mistake my words here by thinking that I am saying that you have to be perfect to lead, I would rather tell you to flee from such leaders.  What I am saying is to be honest.  Repent and confess and let God direct your life to leadership.  (One exception:  Dad’s this does not apply to you in your home, we all sin, we all fall short, BUT as dad’s we are called to be prophets, priests and kings of our house and children – DO NOT SHIRK this responsibility.

When to lead:

• Turn around – When you think you are leading, then turn around and look to see if anyone is following you?  If they are, then get down on your knees and ask for God’s leading, ask for His wisdom and discernment when you lead others.  Humble yourself before a Holy God and be content with what He has given you.
• If you are affirmed – if the leaders of your church (Pastors, elders and lay-leaders) affirm you then quietly pray and seek God’s approval in this process.  Take a spiritual gifts test (click here to take a free test) to see if your gifts that God gives all Christians qualify you to be a leader.
• Be Accountable – surround yourself with other godly men and have a wise counsel of others around you to keep you humble and encouraged through journey
• If you are humble – the mark of a true leader is his/her humility and their walk with Jesus Christ

When it is all said and done, remember this quote by Thomas Paine, “Lead, follow, or get of the way.”  When Jesus began his ministry he chose 12 men who became his disciples.  He walked with them for three years pouring into them, teaching them and living life with them daily.  I marvel at the New Testament how when Jesus called the 70 disciples to go two by two unto the world to proclaim the gospel – I don’t know about you, but I said to myself, “Self, where did these 70 disciples come from?”  Clearly, they were with Jesus and the twelve along the way.  They were watching, learning and being trained by Jesus and his disciples.  When they were ready, Jesus called them to task.

This is a great example to all of us.  Be humble in all circumstances.  We are to encourage, comfort and urge others to live a life worthy of God.  In all you do, let go and let God lead your path.  Be content in all circumstances.

Thoughts?

Blessings,

Dante

6 Ways To Build Everyday Character Into Our Children: Part 1

In the late 90's, Dr. Thomas Stanley of the University of Georgia set out to research and discover the traits of the top leaders, innovators and achievers in various professional industries. Dr. Stanley's goal was to find out what made these achievers different then the rest of the population and how we too could be more like them. Dr. Stanley's colleagues initially thought Intelligence (GPA), Top College Attendance and Luck would rank among the top factors for these achievers success. But these factors did not even make the top 10 list.

After thousands of interviews, Dr. Stanley discovered that a person's intelligence (Most of the subjects were B and C students), college attendance nor luck had much to do with their overall achievement. Almost all of the top 10 factors cited by thousands of these achievers and leaders were character traits learned in the home or through life experience and work.

Therefore (according to Stanley's research) if we as parents want to truly give our children an advantage in life, we should focus on modeling and building character into our children each and every day.

In this series we will explore 6 ways we can build character into our children on a daily basis:

#1 - Faith

Hebrews 11 describes faith as being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Faith becomes a character trait when it starts to manage our children's day-today choices while providing moral leadership.  Too many Christian children today are learning to play church and religion rather than learning faith and trust in God.  Sadly, parents are often the culprits behind this shallow faith.  As parents, we love our children and desire to have them right with Gd but we must be careful to let God draw our children to Himself and His time table.  Many Christian parents try to circumvent the power of the Holy Spirit by forcing their faith on their children out of the fear that they are not yet saved.

Research by the Fuller Youth Institute discovered that many Christian children are simply going through the motions to appease mom and dad's wishes rather than fully embracing Christ and developing their own faith.   This leads to many Christian children who have the appearance of being saved but ultimately they end of leaving the faith once they leave mom and dads house.

As parents, we must model our faith and expose our children to Christianity but not push them too hard for immediate results.  Prayer and the consistent practice of our own faith will model and prepare our children's hearts to place their faith in Jesus Christ when they are ready and when they have made the decision for themselves.

I'd rather have patience and see my child come to know Christ in High School on a missions trip, of their own volition and through the power of the Holy Spirit, then to run them up to the altar when they are 8 years old and ask them to give their hearts to Christ.  The Fuller Youth Institute learned that quite often, children are putting their faith in their parents faith not in Christ.

Here are six ways to build faith into your child on a daily basis:

1. Read your Bible daily and let your children see you spending time in the Word and in prayer.

2. Pray regularly at meal times and bedtime but also spontaneously (a homeless man on the street, when passing a car accident, with someone going through life struggles) to illustrate the power of prayer to your children.

3. Lead your children in a weekly Bible study and talk about your faith and the teachings of the story.  My family is currently watching The Bible miniseries that came out last year and discussing each story afterwards.

4.  Show your children your family tree and talk about relatives and their faith.  If you are a first generation Christian, talk about how all your ancestors after you will have glory in Heaven because of your decision.

5. Have your children listen to the testimonies of friends, family, and other adults and how it has impacted their lives.

6. Take your children on an outing or sports event that involves faith in other people or equipment.  illustrate how trusting in God is the same as trusting in the equipment or people.

Stay tuned for our next trait:  Integrity

R E S P E C T

In the song by Aretha Franklin called R E S P E C T, we see her sing these words, "R E S P E C T Find out what it means to me R E S P E C T Take care, T C B...Oh, a little respect Yeah, baby, I want a little respect Now, I get tired, but I keep on tryin' Runnin' out of foolin', I ain't lyin' Yes, respect, all I need is respect..."

Major stresses in marriage are:

• Money
• Sex
• Children
• Time
• Household demands

Major mishaps in marriage

• outside influences/improper relationships
• lack of communication
• lack of intimacy
• broken trust
• being selfish
• pornography

As a men's ministry leader, an elder and a husband and father and a legacy dad, I can tell you from my limited experience that I have seen all spectrums of relationships - both good and bad and some in between.  There is no clear cut blame to either spouse because if we are honest then we can all say that it takes two to break or make a marriage (barring adultery and brutality, of course).  I would like to modify the last statement by changing it to say that it really takes three to make a marriage - now don't go nuts on me here because when I say three, as Christians, I mean to say that we need Christ in the center of our marriages.

Signs of healthy fruit in a marriage

• Communication
• Honesty (even when it hurts - but not brutal rather with respect)
• Intimacy
• Friendship
• Loyalty
• Husband or wife in the other's corner
• Husband or wife being the biggest fan of the other

And so much more fruit

Let's take a look at what scripture says for Legacy Dads (for those of us that our husbands):

Ephesians 5:21-33

New International Version (NIV)

Instructions for Christian Households

²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing^[a] her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”^{[b] 32} This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Men, don't miss this here:  A lot of us get stuck on JUST the first part of this, "wives SUBMIT..." that we forget the rest of the command.  We ought to love our wives (do not be harsh, do not be cruel, do not neglect) and we should love our wives as we take care of our own bodies.  We are no longer self, but one flesh - this is key!  Our bodies no longer belong to ourselves, but to our spouses.  Men, remember that Christ gave himself up for the church, he died to self and sacrificed himself for his Bride - the Church - which is what we ought to do for our wives.

Let's put it this way:

1 Peter 3:7

New International Version (NIV)

⁷ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Respect does not mean:

• "Listen to me, I am the man and the Bible says that you have to SUBMIT to me, woman"
• "I am in charge"
• "How dare you not respect me"
• Holding love from one another
• Being cruel and cold to the other

I do not want to broad brush this here, but in talking with both men and women, one can conclude that it is not rocket science in figuring ways out to foster a healthy marriage.  As we are each created fearfully and wonderfully and we are all different, please do not take this as final.  For the most part:

Men want:

• To be Respected
• To be Loved and to feel trusted
• To feel secure
• To be intimate
• Romance (even though we may not know how to be romantic)

Women want:

• To be loved
• To feel secure
• To be valued and respected
• To be listened to (the art of true conversation)

Biblical Respect means:  To put Christ in the center of our marriage.  We are to die to selves in our sanctification pathway.  We are to put away the old self and put on the new self.  We could learn to listen to one another, to love one another and to respect each other for who we are.  That means that I do not expect my wife to become what I want her to be for me, nor should my wife expect me to change into someone that she expects me to be.  We are who we are.  That doesn't mean that we can keep our old selves on, rather, we are to put on Christ and to die to self as Christ died for us.  When we exemplify this then we truly understand agape love.  We understand God's plan for marriage.  We can understand that marriage is a blessing and not a curse.

So what do I do if I am not doing marriage God's way:

• Repent
• Pray
• Do not expect your spouse to change over night because you found God's pathway and repented
• Serve
• Serve more
• Love
• Love more
• Pray continually through this process that your spouse will be led by Christ to change your marriage (knowing that we cannot)

So what if you have this biblical marriage:

• Pray more
• Love more
• Serve more
• Reach out to couples who need this love and respect

Your thoughts?

Blessings,

D

Encouragement - Verse of the day

Philippians 4:6-7

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Some questions for you:

• What are you worried about?
• What do you need prayer about?
• What do you need to confess about?
• Who is holding you accountable?
• Who do you have praying for you?
• How are you guarding your heart?
• How are you guarding your mind?

Romans 12:1-2

New International Version (NIV)

A Living Sacrifice

12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Colossians 3:1-10

New International Version (NIV)

Living as Those Made Alive in Christ

3 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your^[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

⁵ Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶ Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.^{[b] 7} You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸ But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹ Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

In all that we do - pray! Pray often!  Pray before, during and after.

Blessings,

Dante

PS- It is that time again- please send Lance and I some topics that you want us to talk about email us here:  dante@legacydad.com  and lance@legacydad.com

Little Jimmy...

There was a family that had a story even before the marriage began.  That is, they were one of  “those” families.  The man and the woman were engaged to be married when she was found pregnant.  What shocked the community was that instead of putting her out (like she deserved) this man married her and did not know her until she bore this child.  She claimed she was a virgin impregnated by God through the Spirit – what kind of story is this?  As time would have it this boy was born and they gave him a name that meant God is Salvation.  Soon this family had other sons and daughters.  They grew in numbers and in outreach.  There was talk that when this child (the one that was born out-of-wedlock) was at a wedding he turned water into wine – some say that this was his first miracle before his Ministry began – a fascinating story that will have to be told another time.Today I wanted to tell you about his little brother Jimmy.  Really everyone else called him James, but I know him as little Jimmy.  It would seem like the family didn’t always like this child born of a virgin, but as time grew they began to see that something was different.  Little Jimmy had discernment, meaning he could tell truth from fiction any day of the week.  That is, he knew a fake when he saw one.  As his old brother, “J” grew in wisdom and stature and in miracles and so on, little Jimmy remained home with his mom and dad and other brothers and sisters.  Clearly, “J” was a big fan of his little brother.  I would even imagine that as the two grew up they encouraged each other and pushed each other to greater heights.  I would be willing to suggest that even though “J” was likely talked about (like the rest of their family) that little Jimmy didn’t care about what the others said, because he knew that his big brother was the real deal.  Not through miracles nor through the way he was with people, but because he knew that no matter what, his big brother was there for him whenever he needed him.

You see, little Jimmy went from nothing (as the world would see it) to a mega church leader overnight.  He was the authority in the Apostles lives.  He ruled over the first church with compassion and with a heart of making your faith real.  You see, Jimmy had a mentor who he would die for – because he did.  He knew this mentor was more than a brother – he was Salvation – he is the Word of God.  Little Jimmy was excited and even caused controversy in the later churches by suggesting that faith without works is dead.  Some people criticized him, but Little Jimmy scoffed back and said show me by your works and not just your belief.  He even had the courage to suggest that even demons believe in God, but they don’t have works.  Little Jimmy wrote a book that is in the Bible today.

Many say that Christianity isn’t real, that Jesus wasn’t the Son of God, BUT little Jimmy would beg to differ.  After all, he was likely thrown from top of the temple only not to die and was stoned and clubbed to death thereafter without recanting his testimony about his big brother.  It doesn’t take anyone to say that they just believe, but it takes a real disciple to believe in the healing and saving power of his big brother – Jesus Christ.  You see, Little Jimmy knew by either trial and/or tribulation that God has a plan for each of us.  We are to count it as pure joy when we face these trials and tribulations.  Little Jimmy can speak from authority – he was the leader of the first church and he died for his belief in his big brother – because he knew that his big brother, Jesus, was the real deal and worth dying for.

It is one thing to believe, it is a complete different thing to die for your beliefs.   Again I say, they took this man and brought him to the top of the temple and through him off thinking that would kill him.  Historians believed that he didn’t quite day and on the ground he prayed for those that afflicted him.  He was then stoned to death by the Pharisees that were watching from the ground.  Right before he died, he was supposedly hit over the head which would be the fatal blow.  Little Jimmy was forever forward known as James the Just.

Things we learn from Little Jimmy:

• Don’t fear trial and tribulation.  When you are in those situations look on it as pure joy that your faith is being tested
• If you lack wisdom and understanding, don’t give up, pray for it from God the Father
• Persevere for you will be blessed
• Every good gift is from God above
• Don’t just hear the word (of God) do what it says
• Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry
• Pure religion is this:  To visit orphans and widows in their suffering and to keep yourself from being corrupted by the world
• Do not show partiality to anyone, whether rich or poor or lowly or high in stature
• Love your neighbor as yourself (he got this from His big brother too)
• Faith without works is dead, you cannot just say you believe in God, even the demons do and shudder, you must have good works in you (if the Spirit of God is in you – then good works would automatically flow from you)
• Control yourself, your anger, do not give into it for it will send you to hell if you do (or at least others will feel like you are or that you want them to)
• If you lack, it is not because that is God’s will, it is because you do not ask (contentment is the secret to life)
• Do not speak evil against anyone
• Do not be confident in tomorrow nor hold good from today
• Do not put faith in riches and things of this earth, instead put them in Jesus – Savior of the World
• Do not grumble, instead be patient
• Pray often, if someone is sick call the elders to pray and anoint them
• When in doubt pray more often
• If your brother wanders from the word (truth) the brother who brings him back will save his soul and cover a multitude of sins

I do not know about you, but little Jimmy is one of my favorite people in God’s Kingdom.

Thoughts?

Dante