The Pinterest Generation

As my wife and I are working diligently after we put the kids to bed, after we worked on Christmas gift-wrapping and catching up on filing and the whole lot, I decided to ask my wife some questions:  What do you think women struggle must with.  The answer(s) surprised me, well, not really.  But what it did give me was some deeper insight into the everyday lives of our wives and mothers of our children.  Here it goes:

• You can never get it done
• You can never have the time to give your all to everything
• You can never do enough
• True friendships can be difficult
• Feeling adequate enough
• Never have time for yourself
• Constant worry about not screwing up with our kids
• Comparison - (we live in a Pinterest generation)

I want to start this post out on the last one - the Pinterest Generation.  When we think about it, this does not just apply to our wives (the mothers of our children) this really applies to all of us - we, even in our best intentions, still find ourselves comparing each other.  The Pinterest generation finds us comparing each other in how we do everything and some doing it better and better and more and more and faster and faster.  Let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong with Pinterest, Facebook, Social Media in general and Media in general.  As long as we keep our priorities straight and do these things in moderation - meaning, we don't make them our gods.  That being said, how do we survive in a world that continues to do it better and better and more and more and faster and faster - how can we keep up?  How can we cope?  Oh my goodness, I am getting stressed and worked up just thinking about all these things.

First of all, if you are a spouse and a parent like me, then you realize that about 9 out of 10 times you are exhausted.  You are, to say the least, fatigued.  So how do we get our priorities straight?  How can we even remotely find biblical contentment?  How can we let go and let God drive our lives daily:

1. Let's start with prayer - "not my will be done, Lord, YOUR WILL BE DONE....
2. Have a safe, non-judge-mental (guys - this doesn't mean we try and fix it during the talk) conversation with our spouse.  This means raw honesty, success and failures, short-comings and where are we going with this tomorrow, next week, 1 year, 5 years...
3. Pray some more
4. Have an honest talk with our accountability partners (for me, this is with my men of faith (men's group), my accountability partners (Bob, Charlie, Dave, Bob and Jim) - be honest with our short-comings and what we need to be accountable with (things we need to work on...).  For women, this means your ladies, women's group, small group (ladies)...etc.,
5. If we don't have those relationships - pray for them
6. Read Scripture daily - meditate, prayer time, quiet time to listen for God's voice in our daily lives
7. Pray some more
8. Stop comparing - God made us!  We are fearfully and wonderfully made - he didn't make any mistakes when he created us
9. Make healthy choices - sleep, diet, exercise, mental exercise (read), less media inputs (less idols) and more God-time
10. Journal

The hardest part about life is trying to be someone or something that you aren't.  Simply said, we have to learn our strengths and our weaknesses and to be real with them.  For instance, when you look at community (church, social clubs, events and so on) you see a few people doing so much that they are effectively becoming ineffective.  I don't want you to take that wrong - God looks at our heart.  I love when people serve!  That is a call to being a disciple of Christ.  What I mean is this:  What if, instead of trying to do everything and just being okay or above average on all the things we try to do, we try to learn our gift set (spiritual gifts) and use those in the best and most efficient way to give to God out of the thankfulness of our heart for all he has done for us...

What if we learned what God means by being biblically content:  Philippians 4:11-13; 1 Timothy 6: 6-11.

• With God, we can do all things
• Without God, these things are all fruitless
• With God, we can take his paths that He will make straight
• Without God's direction we can face ruin and calamity
• With God, we can let him love, protect and care and raise our children
• Without God, we will see the fruit of our labor in our children (will they take our faith seriously without God
• With God, we can rest in Him because his yoke is easy
• Without God we can count on burning out

In all things, seek His Will and His way through his Word (Jesus Christ).  I like it said like this:

Colossians 3:17

English Standard Version (ESV)

¹⁷ And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

More to say, more to do, and more to lean on God and not my own understanding.

Your thoughts?

Dante

The Secret of Leadership You Should Teach Your Children

This morning, I had an insightful conversation with a 30-something single mother.  She shared with me that she had her son at age 19, did not attend college and she also mentioned that she had lost her job of 10 years after the 2008 mortgage crisis.  She now has to take minimum wage jobs just to make ends meet and shared with me her struggles and dreams to provide a better life for her son.

At times during the conversation, she would belittle herself for some of her life decisions such as sleeping with the wrong man at age 19 and she was embarrassed at the fact that she was working at a minimum wage job.  Every time she did this, I would tell her that her life struggles and hard work were a much better example for her son than all the wealth in the world.  She then secretly shared with me how proud her son was when she finally obtained a job after 2 years of unemployment, applications and interviews

This morning dose of reality and humility made me think about a presentation I gave on leadership to a large organization a few years ago.  I started the presentation by comparing the difference between Management and Leadership and stating why most people mistake the two.  Next, I explained why leadership was illusive but powerful.

Leadership comes from influence not from a title.

I‘ve worked with many organizations where the key influencers were not the people in charge.  Many times in many organizations, there are people making things happen behind the scenes and they hold the admiration and trust of those organizations.  These people are the influencers.  The next logical question is always:  How do you obtain influence?

Influence comes from many traits: authenticity, initiative, selfless service and empathy.  Nevertheless, one of the consistent traits I see in influencers is moral authority.

Moral Authority is walking the walk; congruence between words and actions or another way to put it is simply - Character.

There was a time in our history when a handshake was your word and honor and you would defend it to the death, literally. You didn’t need a contract or an attorney as long as someone gave you his or her word.  Leaders would resign willingly if their character was ever in question rather than having to be forced out.

The masses will always follow people with character.  People naturally and willingly allow themselves to be influenced by those of character and when leaders do not exhibit character, they pay the price, many times with their position, wealth and influence.

If there is one mantra I beat to the ground repeatedly on Legacy Dad and in my teachings, and conferences, it’s for parents to focus on Character above all other areas minus faith.

Often what we label as leadership is an overflow of character and influence.

The single mother I talked with was influencing her son by her character, humility and work ethic.  This lesson is more important that any STEM or Magnet School you can buy and the ripples of this influence will echo throughout your children’s lives.

I don’t care what your education level is, how much money you make, or how successful you are.  If you lack character, ultimately you will fall and learn a painful life lesson in the process.  Politicians, Celebrities, and Leaders in Business often endure this fall while the whole world watches.

Studies by Dr. Thomas Stanley on the personality traits of the most successful people in their perspective fields: Doctors, Lawyers, Salespeople, Engineers, Scientists, CEO’s, etc. all unanimously said that Character was the #1 trait that made them who they are.

According to these leaders, the college they went to, grades they received or socio-economic advantages in their lives had little effect on their overall success.  In fact, these areas did not even make the top 10 list.  So I always preach to parents, focus on character and everything else will fall into place.

Influence or Character cannot be bought with a title, wealth or education.  It is honed by practicing what we preach on a consistent, daily basis and our kids are watching and learning from us every single day.  If you ever meet me in person, there is one thing you’ll realize quickly – my writings on this blog are my word and my real life.  My friends, family and even my pastors read these entries. To one extent, it’s a great form of accountability.

So now that I’ve etched a framework for you, the next few posts are going to focus on how we build character, not only in ourselves but in our children on a daily and consistent basis.

Stay Tuned.

Top 10 things to do before Christmas Day

It's Christmas time again.  It is time to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  I find it funny how we (society) spends just over 4 weeks getting ready to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  Actually, in the last 10 years I would venture to state that pure secularism and commercialism has made this Season more and more about ourselves and what "I" want versus the reason for the Season:  Jesus!So, that being said, I decided to make a top 10 list of things to do before Christmas (for Legacy Dads):

1. Read Luke 2 (to your family and friends)
2. Shop for a charity (Angels of Hope or any notable charity and teach your family the value of giving
3. Help a family struggling this season - Sponsor a family in need (you can do this discreetly or ask  your church office for permission to contact someone in need)
4. Donate your time, talent and treasure this season to Jesus - think on these things first before yourselves
5. Give love and time to your loved ones
6. Serve your wife everyday when you come home from work (we call this the "SECOND SHIFT" - thanks Matt Chandler)
7. Serve your kids everyday -give them your attention and time all the way up to bedtime - read stories, play tag, play a board game, tell them about Jesus and the God's love Story
8. Read the bible every day
9. Pray every day
10. Listen to the Holy Spirit (they quiet voice in you nudging you to do God's will and not your own

What are some of your top tens?

Dante

Do this one thing - trust me (please follow the instructions just this one time)

This past Monday, I received an email from a good friend who had copied me in this ultimate chain of emails.  Here is the thing, I am going to ask all of our readers to do this and in return see how God blesses you in the course of weeks to come through His living word.  All I ask is that you following these instructions:===

We're starting a collective, constructive, and hopefully uplifting Bible verse exchange. It's a one-time thing and we hope you will participate. We have picked those we think would be faithful, and make it fun. Please send an encouraging Bible verse to the person whose name is in position 1 below (even if you don't know him or her). It should be a favorite verse that has lifted you when you were experiencing challenging times. Don't agonize over it--it is one you reach for when you need it or the one that you always turn to.

1. Lance (lance@legacydad.com)
2. Dante (dante@legacydad.com)

After you've sent the verse to the person in position 1, and only that person, copy this letter into a new email, move my name to position 1 and put your name in position 2. Only my name and your name should show when you email. Send to 20 friends BCC (blind copy). If you cannot do this in five days, let us know so it will be fair to those participating. It's fun to see where they come from. Seldom does anyone drop out because we all need new ideas and inspiration. The turnaround is fast, as there are only two names on the list, and you only have to do it once.

-------

Try this and see what the Word of God does in your life.  For me, some timely verse have come from the oddest places - even with people that I do not personally know.  The Word of God is living and active and able to separate bone from marrow - try it and let's see where this goes.

Hope this blesses you as much as it has blessed me in the course of just 5 business days - Wow God!  You are awesome!!!

Blessings,

Dante

Dads, you don't need a manual, rather, you need Immanuel

Dad's, Men of Faith, Countrymen (those of us who are adopted sons of God)....I may have referenced an old TV show called the Greatest American Hero.  It had two men that were walking thru life together, one was a government employee while the other found the suit.  They both lost the manual that explained how to use the suit to be a superhero, so they had to have trials and tribulations along the way to use the suit.  Some times I feel like we try to do that in our spiritual lives along with our everyday work lives.  That is, we are trying to figure out the secret to life and to be the best dad, the best husband, the best men that the world has.  The trying is clearly altruistic, but the way we get there is flawed.  What I mean to say is that we have to change our trajectory.  We have to re-set our sights in order to be the marksmen that God calls us to be.  WE have to set our targets on the One whom all blessings flow - Jesus Christ.Dads, we don't need a manual, rather, we need Immanuel.  Matthew 1:22-23, (ESV) "²² All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: ²³ “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,     and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us)."  For those of us that profess Jesus Christ as Lord, then we have Immanuel - God is with us!  His Holy Spirit is in us!  What more could we ask for.  He gave us his Word, The Bible.  If we set our sights on Him and we focus on His words for our lives then we can reclaim that which God gives us - his storehouse of blessings and love beyond belief.

This afternoon I had coffee with a great friend of mine, who is also an Elder with me at our church.  A lot of times we just share and talk about life and its pings and pangs along the way.  He holds me accountable (along with a few others in my life).  I like that.  Today, he told me that he was worried about me last week and that he was waiting to ask me what was going on.  I love that.  I love that he noticed something about me and wasn't going to let me go at it alone.  That is why God calls us to go 2x2 in ministry.  Not to do this alone, as Lance so eloquently put it in this past post.  God has a plan for us.  A plan not to harm us, but to prosper us.  Please note that I am not talking about riches and wealth in worldly terms (as some might do), rather, I am talking about the abundant life that he promises to those who love and obey him.

I think a lot of problems that we, as Christians have, is that we forget Immanuel and try to make up our own manual.  Thereby making our lives and our agenda our gods (small "g").  We need to give up these scrawny manuals and give in to God's Immanuel for each and every one of our lives.

Where can you start:

1.  Read his word EVERYDAY (commit to it today)

2. Join a bible believing, Holy Spirit filled Church and Serve

3. Get involved in a men's group and/or Mini-Church

4.  Give up your manual and accept God's Immanuel

5.  _______________________  (what are some of your places to start and work through?)

Blessings,

Dante

Lone Ranger Syndrome

Like most men, I love games, movies and stories of the lone hero.  The Lone Survivor, The Lone Ranger, The Game Winner.1 second left on the clock, the game is tied and the opposing team is trying to kick a field goal from 56 yards away to win the game and seal their victory run to the Championships.  You're in the end zone waiting and watching.  The ball is snapped, the kick is up and it's short of the uprights.  You catch the ball and run...

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The problem with my image is that behind every Lone Survivor and every Game Winner is usually a team or squad of men and women who support us, encourage us and often push us beyond our comfort zones.  Although, they are often not seen when we reach the winners circle.

I grew up watching John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Arnold and Stallone.  They'd HALO jump behind enemy lines or ride into town all by themselves and then take on the Mongol Hordes single-handed without ever reloading their guns!!  It makes for great Hollywood.

The problem lays when we take this Hollywood image and try to apply it to our lives, especially our spiritual walks.

Dante has been giving you a great synopsis of our time at the recent Act Like Men Conference in Indianapolis. We met some great men, many Legacy Dad supporters and heard some powerful talks from some of today's leading Pastors. But I came home depressed, frustrated and feeling isolated.  That weekend, I sat side by side with 12,600 men who were passionate about leading our lives for Christ and being the spiritual leaders of our homes, churches and communities.  But when I came home, my Band of Brothers was gone and I was back to being a Lone Ranger.

One of my biggest failures in recent years is that I have not had an active group of men to walk in life and faith with.

I've had surrogate brothers and distance mentors but my home church lacked a strong Men's Ministry and therefore most of us men were going about life alone. No brothers in arms. No mentors. No Accountability. No one challenging me spiritually.

I could blame the church for not providing this resource or blame myself for not seeking a group but the real issue at hand is that men need other men to walk in Christ with.  We need a team, a squad, a coach and a Ranger Buddy - someone who always is with you and has your back.

Why We Need Other Men.

Accountability offers men the opportunity to discuss with other men our setbacks, failings and problems. Admitting that you were wrong about something is rarely an easy task, but doing it with other men shows courage.  99% of the time, some other men have in the past or our currently having the same issues as you.  Bringing our issues into the open allows healing, mentorship and course correction and by holding each other accountable for your actions, you and your fellow-men will be able to overcome together the trials that you may have difficulty overcoming alone.  A sign of maturity is a man willing to admit his mistakes and ask for help.

Discipleship offers men the chance to discuss the Bible, our walks with Christ and most important - Life Application of the Word.  Discipleship allows you to learn and walk with Christ through the stories, struggles and experiences of others.  Reading and meditating on the Word alone is good practice but it is also good practice to discuss the Word with different people, especially those of different genders, ages, backgrounds and life experiences.  However, we must always remember that true discipleship and spiritual maturity does not come from exhaustive head knowledge or simple academic study.  True discipleship and spiritual maturity comes from taking ACTION in our lives and ultimately creating greater trust and faith in God and His plan.

Mentorship. Pick up any biography of anyone who was ever anything and you will most likely find a mentor in that person's life. There are some life lessons, advice and bits wisdom that only a man can impart to another man.  It used to be that this wisdom was handed from father to son or from other influential men.  But many men today never had that experience early in life. Therefore, men need to seek other men for guidance on how to navigate life.  I've had both positive and negative mentors in my life; some taught me to chase money, success and personal fame.  Others taught me to be humble, courageous and self-sacrificing.  I believe we need multiple mentors in our life: Spiritual, Professional, Relational and Emotional and at least one Sage.  While mentors can come in all ages and flavors based on life experience, the Sage is the grey hair, silver back with years of wear and tear and experience in his tool belt.  GT was our Sage here at Legacy Dad.

TBL - (The Bottom Line) While Hollywood glorifies the Lone Ranger and there certainly are times in life when we will have to walk alone, men running in packs is far more effective (insert your Hangover Movie joke here).  My realization is that while I can walk the earth alone like David Carradine in Kung Fu, ultimately this is detrimental to my personal growth, walk with Christ and spiritual discipleship.  I can move much farther, faster by harnessing the power of an accountable group of men. Men who can challenge me, men who can mentor me, men who keep me accountable and men to walk through life and faith with.  Besides, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.

Frozen - Movie Review by Legacy Dad

Tonight, after my wife, middle daughter and my mother-in-law safely returned from Black Friday shopping and helped a little (very very little) with the National Debt (just kidding - wish I wasn't) we went to see the latest Hollywood Blockbuster called Frozen.As of late, I have been very disturbed by movie executives that think it is okay to release family movies that have evil and bad story lines or dark implications of evil.  When will Hollywood learn that we crave healthy, enjoyable and entertaining.

Frozen delivered hands down.  If you are looking for a fun and great movie to take the wife and kids - Frozen is your movie.

On a scale of 1 thru 5 (1 being throw it in the dumpster and 5 being - "don't wait - go see it" - Frozen is a "5".

Let me know what you think?

D

A commitment...

This past Saturday afternoon after lunch my wife went out with our middle daughter and I was home updating some work emails and filing some papers.  My son, to my surprise, asked if he could watch a video.  The Video that he chose was not that of a superhero variety nor of an action move, rather, it was a copy of our wedding video.  I was amazed at his endurance in watching this video.  I was also very surprised and emotional as I heard various parts of it while finishing up filing and working and blogging.   Looking at my bride in her beautiful dress and the men that were standing up with me and the vows being taken really caught me in an emotional place.  I looked back at the video and realized how clueless I was about my role and responsibility as man, husband and ultimately spiritual leader of my household.One part of the video that inspired me to write this post, was when the pastor asked, "who gives this woman to be married to this man?"  My father-in-law stated, "Because of the love and respect that my wife and I have for our daughter's choice, her mother and I do."  I have heard this video before and watched some of the highlights over the last 11 years of marriage.  I always enjoyed looking back to such a great day in November.  I was married in November, I became and Christian in November and I am blogging this post in November - God must really be telling me to be thankful for what he has done for me in this life (and I am).

Steps that I have taken, am taking and will take to ensure this:

1) Read the Word daily

2) Pray daily

3) Spend quiet time with the Lord (this is a work in progress for me as I have been struggling with my early morning routine)

4) Live by 1 Peter 3:7 and Ephesians 5

5) Use my reference guide as needed (refer to #1) Romans 12 and Colossians 3 as field guides for my life.

My father-in-law is a very smart and wealthy man in God's eyes because he knows the importance of family and the importance of keeping the love of his wife.  They are a role model to me in marriage and it is clearly evident in their 3 daughters with their husbands (my wife included in this).  They understand the value of family and the importance of putting God in the center and family next.  His role is to be the Spiritual leader of his house.  Does he get it all perfect?  Absolutely not, he is a man like the rest of us.  But when it is said and done and he has breathed his last breath in this life his legacy will be that of a man who loved God and family and enjoyed the joy that he received from the Lord.

Some of you may be reading this and wondering why life has not handed you this avenue.  Some of you may be dealing with the loss of a spouse through death and/or divorce while others may be longing for a wife and really desire that companionship that comes with it.  I don't have the answers for you, but I can confidently point you to someone who does.  Read lists 1-5 above and commit these things to you life.  If your marriage is broken or it is lost, it is not impossible for God to fix it.  Nothing is impossible when we put our trust in God.  If it is lost (spouse has died) you can put your comfort and trust in God and His son Jesus Christ.

What I do know is that God loves us so much that He gave his only Son for us to die for our sins and to pay the cost of sin that we could not pay.  I don't understand what some of you may be going through because I have not lived that life.  I can assure you that I do know some who have experienced that has experienced this loss.  They tell me daily that the church, and men's group and the Lord have been their family through this trying times.  The church and its members have been their community in getting them through those difficult times and some still are processing and grieving.

So what are some of the  steps can you take if you are in either empty or loss mode:

1) Trust

2) Get in community

3) Get professional counseling

4) Wait on the Lord and ask for Him to be your portion through these difficult times.

In all you do, Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart,  and do not lean on your own understanding. ⁶ In all your ways acknowledge him,  and he will make straight your paths."

Blessings,

D