Unpacking the Actlikemen Conference, part 1 of 3 (or more)

This past weekend 12,600 + volunteers went to Indianapolis, Indiana to attend the third of three Act Like Men Conferences (2 in the US and 1 in Canada).  Lance and I met down there on Friday night and his son blessed us with his presence as well.  I am so thankful for all the men that accompanied me this past weekend.   I am thankful for Lance and his son serving this weekend as we sponsored the event.  I am so thankful for the men of God that brought the truth to us in an incredibly short amount of time with such a large plethora of God's words and teaching to unpack during the conference.  My head is still reeling from this event.  Actually, Lance and I several years ago talked about a men's event that we wanted to do, called "Man Up".  I think these men stole our idea or at least a lot of LegacyDad material (JUST KIDDING).  These men speak truth and these men speak from the same authority that we speak on - the Holy Bible.  The Spirit within us and having brothers and our wives holding us accountable.All of this being said, a few things that really struck home for me (personally):

• A man, who is bored and with a lot of energy at home is VERY DANGEROUS
• An unguarded strength is a double weakness
• We all do not need a manual, rather IMMANUEL
• Un-repented sin in our lives is like a lion that we keep hidden (an average lion can move 100 yards in 3 seconds) so be careful trying to entertain sin and trying to worship God

As a husband, a dad, a full-time worker, an Elder and a leader of men's ministry - I have a lot on my plate.  I continually check myself at the door of humility and try to remember my priorities:  God, Family, Church, Work, Friends and Community.  I don't always get this order right and I often fail even when I do.  However, I have brothers in my life who speak brutal truth in my life.  I have brothers (in Christ) who love me and do not judge me.  I have brothers who encourage, comfort and urge me to live a life worthy of God.  I call these brothers of mine - Men of Faith (which is also the name of our Men's Group at church).  I walked away from this confident feeling both happy and sad at the same time.  For the sad, I realized just how many at this conference do not have what we have in Men of Faith.  I felt sad because so many men (even in our church) miss the blessing of accountability and confession in men's groups.  I also felt sad in realizing just how many men need this but do not take the time to put this very thing into practice in their lives.

In 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 (NIV) we read, "¹¹ For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, ¹² encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory."  This is so important not only in ministry but in everyday life.  Often we find this sort of thing counter-cultural in that the world tells us to believe the "Lone Wolf McQuaid" way of life in which we can do this on our own.  This is exactly what the devil and his minions want from us - to be isolated and alone wallowing in our own sinful lives.  If we took it to God's way then we would turn to Galatians 6 and read the following, "6 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. ² Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ³ If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. ⁴ Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, ⁵ for each one should carry their own load. ⁶ Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. ⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

An unguarded strength is a double weakness - this has so many avenues attached to it - being overwhelmed at home, at work, at church, in the community, with our friends.....a simple way to put this is to say by just living life we can forget to be in the word daily.  To pray continuously.  To have accountability and to confess our sins to others.  We are not telling you to confess to a priest or to have a man forgive us, quite the contrary.  Rather, by confessing out loud, then we no longer have that sin in the darkness like a lion in our dark closet.  We bring it into the light (to our brothers) and we give others permission to hold us accountable to and to take a proverbial "2x4" to us when we are not walking the right path (in love not in anger).  And by bringing this to the light, we have repentance to God the Father through his son Jesus Christ giving honor to the Triune God who will be pleased with our repentance.  When I am tired, fatigued, worked over by work, co-workers, family and friends (so much to do with so little time - come on - we all have those weeks) I find myself being un-guarded.  As I looked at my journal when I got home, I could see the pattern of being ill-prepared in spiritual warfare and falling/failing to daily jaunts of temptation and the like.   Sometimes, when this occurs, my strengths become a double weakness - this was a very good lesson for me to hear this past weekend.

There is so much more to say.  The next few posts will focus on:

• The hidden lion in our lives
• A bored man in my house
• What's your excuse, man up...

Looking forward to hearing from you?  Who else was there?  Let Lance and I know what you want to hear...email me here:

Blessings,

Dante

ACT LIKE MEN (www.actlikemen.com)

Psalm 1:1-6 ESV Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; ...

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 ESV Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

This weekend marks the third and final weekend of ActLikeMen.  With three weekends that spanned from California to Canada and this weekend in the Midwest, all I can say is how encouraged I am as a man of God.  That is, to say, that I am truly confident that some men (likely not all) will turn toward being a disciple of Christ through these weekends.  Why?  Because God has called us to be his disciples.  Why?  Because men will hear that ever so quiet voice calling us to be less for ourselves and more for God.

The ultimate goal of a true disciple of Christ is not to shrink into manhood, but rather to let others see the love of Jesus Christ in us (to see Jesus) and to see less of ourselves.

Psalm 112:1-10 ESV Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous. It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. ...

Here is the challenge to all of us:  Whether you attended this conference, opened your bible or prayed the prayer of a humble man, can you ask God to reveal his plans to you.  Can you ask him to take control over ALL of your life?  Will you pray Proverbs 3:3-5 in your life, which says, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart.  Lean not on your understand, but acknowledge him in all your ways and he will make your paths straight."

Where you go (Lord) I will go, where you stay (Lord) I will stay.  Where you lead (Lord) I will follow.  Oh praise him he has done a mighty thing for us- by his sacrifice we are saved.  By his love - we are made new.

Hoping to hear from you all! #actlikemen

Blessings,

Dante

My Own Worst Enemy

I was cold, distant and angry.  On the surface, everything seemed fine, you’d get a smile and greeting, but inside my head, I was waging a battle.  Everything appeared wonderful: house, cars, kids, and great career.  Why then did my heart tell me that it was all a waste and I was a complete failure?

This past weekend I turned 37 and once again, I struggled with my own inner demon called Noise (See Ephesians 6:12).  I reflected over the past 15 years of my life.  I’ve spent that time providing for my family, defending my country and rising to the top of my career.  Most people would feel content but my heart and emotions screamed that I had missed my calling.

I’ve made many mistakes in life and most certainly did not take the easiest path.  I’ve overcome educational, financial and marital issues and rose to the top 1% of my career field.  Most of my colleagues love their job and feel complete satisfaction knowing that we are secure in a six-figure income and will always have job opportunities waiting for us.  Despite obtaining the world’s definition of success, my heart felt empty inside and I feel like these accomplishments will ultimately end up in God’s dumpster because God doesn’t care how much money we’ve made or the titles we’ve obtained.  He looks at how we’ve loved others and used our lives to glorify him.

My heart lies in ministry, working with families and making a difference in people's lives.  But my day job is light years from that calling.  I work with 98% atheists and agnostics who are happy and content living in the world’s definition of success and only seeking personal pleasure and gratification.  For me, the Christian anomaly who has a heart for God and true greatness by God’s standards, it feels like I’m stuck here in purgatory for the next 6 years.  I’ve turned down ministry positions in the past and each time, I’ve regretted it.  Each time I wonder if the grass is greener on the other side and my heart would be filled with joy living my calling each day.

Before I continue on my pity party let me stop right here and offer some logical advice that I’ve heard multiple times and my brother Dante reminded me of this past weekend.  The grass is not greener and God uses us wherever we are.  If I’d spent the past 15 years working in ministry, I might be burnt out now.  If I hadn’t chosen the path I did, I would not have the life stories, experiences and trials to share with others and may not have a passion for this ministry at all.

God is shaping us wherever we are in our lives.  Right now, I’m digging ditches and waiting for the time when He calls me to full-time ministry.  I have 6 more years and I can continue to listen to Noise and feel like I'm wasting my life or I can choose to use this time wisely and my current place as a way to minister to others and glorify God.  Maybe I haven’t experienced something yet or God has some more molding to do with me before I am ready?  Whatever it may be, I need to use everyday and every situation as a way to learn, love, grow and reach others.

Will my old friend Noise be back in a few days to once again start playing my emotions and pulling on my heartstrings?  Probably.  But I’ll continue to put on my armor and wage this battle with him because I know that for as he thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7)  While God continues to reveal and  refine the storyline of my life, I can rejoice because I already know the closing scene. The good guys win, Christ returns and at last I will get to bask in his glory and love for the rest of eternity.  Thank You God!

God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this lifeand supremely happy with Himforever in the next. Amen.

How to avoid unwanted temptations in our lives (that which we bring on ourselves)

Saturday morning in men's group I had the privilege to lead and facilitate the discussion. I am very humbled by the growth and sincere faith that I am seeing with so many other men in this special group of Men of Faith.  This morning's topic was on avoiding unwanted sin in our lives.  That is, the temptations that we bring on to ourselves and how we can pave steps to in our lives to navigate around these erroneous ways.  I started the morning out by asking the men around the room to think about words in our lives:  Temptation, lust, pornography, anger, pride, forgiveness, un-forgiveness, Father, Parent, Shame and continued with a few more thoughts along the way.Realizing that the term "parent" or "Father" could be very painful for some, I asked them to think about our Father God and how much he loves us and how much he desire for us to run to him just like the father that we read about in the Prodigal son.  God desires for us to turn and repent and run to him.  He waits for us with open arms and is quick to forget and slow to anger.  For some of us, our earthly parents may have not shown the love of Christ.  For others, they may not remember their parents and for the few fortunate ones who remember loving parents who modeled Christ's love for us - count your blessings!  Come Holy Spirit come into our lives and grow us into the disciples that you want us to be.

There are some really good steps to work on daily in our lives to allow this growth to flourish:Pray continuously throughout the day,  "Matthew 6:13 (ESV) ¹³ And lead us not into temptation,  but deliver us from evil."

Use God's Word daily, "2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (ESV) ⁴ For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. ⁵ We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,"  There is a very good acronym, which is MEALS, which means:  MEMORIZE, EXAMINE, APPLY, LISTEN and STUDY these words daily.  Before you say that you don't have time or it is impossible for you to do so think about all the passwords that you have to remember in our daily jaunts (come on - you can do it).  Make this a habit daily and as your put more of God's word in and less of the world's view in - see what happens in you life.  As one song puts it, "Break my heart for what breaks yours, open up my eyes...."

Know yourself (and your triggers to sin), "James 1:14 (ESV) ¹⁴ But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire."  For some of us this could be lust, it could be anger, it could be pride and it could be fatigue or for some others it could be a cocktail of all of the above.  Avoid these triggers at all costs.  Jesus said that if your eye offends you - pluck it out.  If you hands offends, cut it off.  I think we get the point - AVOID SIN and the Pitfalls of life.  The old saying of "the devil made me do it" is sometime lost when he doesn't even have to push us in the direction of our known weaknesses.  We can pray the armor of God on ourselves daily (Read Galatians 6).

Flee from sin (not walk, not poke around - R U N ! ! !), Verses from www.biblegateway.com on FLEEING.  When Joseph worked for Potiphar in his house and was tempted beyond what most single men could bear, he not only fled from sin, he left garments behind in order to avoid any further temptation.  God's word doesn't tell us to pretend that we have a good hold on temptation - it tells us to RUN (FLEE) don't even entertain temptation in any form (harmless flirting in improper friendships) DON'T DO IT!

Create honest accountability in your life, "James 5:16 (ESV) ¹⁶ Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working".  Let's be honest for one second here.  When you allow true accountability in your life, amazing things happen.  Seriously!  Accountability is only as good as how honest you will be.  That being said, if you hold back anything from your accountability partner(s) then you are cheating yourself and the bond of brothers that can help carry our burdens.  The thing about un-confessed sin is that it has so many repercussions, it separates us from God's holiness, from God's light in our lives and from the blessing(s) that he has planned for us.  Don't mistake my words here.  When we confess Jesus Christ as our Savior, then our sins of the past, present and future have been forgiven, are forgiven and will be forgiven.  Un-confessed sin in our lives puts us in a prison.  When we confess our sins to God and to our brothers - then we bring them into the light and then we feel God's love and mercy and we are free.  We are in the light!

Be Encouraged not discouraged, "1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV) ¹³ No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." Proverbs 3:5-6, "(ESV) ⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart,     and do not lean on your own understanding. ⁶ In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."  No matter how far we have come in our spiritual growth and sanctification we have to be honest and believe that we have setbacks and continuous sin in our lives.  It is in us, that is, our old self (sin nature) versus our new selves and identity in Christ.  When we do fall, we do sin, we do mess up, do not be discouraged.  Confess and repent for our God is merciful.

Confess and Repent (turn from sin), "1 John 1:9 (ESV) ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

What are some of your thoughts?

Blessings,

Dante

Are You All In?

While taking my daughter to school, I caught a morning radio show in which the hosts were talking about a recent news story of a wife who had a hidden savings account with over $800,000 in it.  The issue was that she never told her husband about it.

What was further disconcerting was that most of the female co-hosts and many of women who called in thought this was not only acceptable but smart practice.  When it comes to marriage, are we holding back or are we all in?

Don't get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with separate checking/saving/investing accounts and some of these women inherited money which is why it was separate in the first place.  But the overall tone of this piece was that we should hide things from our spouse to protect us "just in case."  Plus, many of the married women agreed with this idea that they needed a secret escape clause and money in case things did not work out.  Now, this could be done by both men and women, it was simply women used in this particular show.

The host tried to illustrate the point that it was not about the money but the fact that the women were keeping secrets from their spouse thus creating division and possibly mistrust in the marriage.  To this the women said that due to the current divorce rates,  they needed to not show all their cards and keep things from their husbands just in case things didn't work out.

In my opinion, this is one of the fundamental problems with societal attitudes toward marriage.  I look at my own marriage as a "burn the ships" and go "all in" type of arrangement between my wife, me and God.  There is no holding back or an escape clause because human fallibility will naturally use that as an excuse.  It's like going into a plan and expecting to fail, you will naturally hold back.  Instead, I see my role and the health of my marriage as a "succeed at all costs" arrangement and therefore have no fall back plan.  I have to give all of myself and accept the risk of being hurt, that's true intimacy.

The attitudes displayed in this radio show were not "til death do us part" but more like "til something better comes along" or things don't work out.  Maybe I'm just crazy or old fashion but I cannot understand this thought process when it comes to marriage.  You are basically setting yourself up for mistrust, suspicions and intimacy issues with your spouse.

Maybe the basic problem is that the secular culture sees marriage as a business contract and not holy matrimony?

I appreciate your thoughts and opinions?

Teach me your way, O Lord

Psalm 86:11-12

English Standard Version (ESV)

¹¹ Teach me your way, O Lord,     that I may walk in your truth;     unite my heart to fear your name. ¹² I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,     and I will glorify your name forever.

Your true identity

The past several weeks, my pastors have been focusing on true Christianity through love of others (based on 1 Corinthians 13).  Today was the final week and there was a lot of focus on how we show this love to our neighbor to our family and to our friends.  If we do not have love, then what is there to show for.  In my previous post about Identity, I talked about the problem of trying to love the body of Christ (The Church) when we cannot love our self.  The problem that we have in the body is our own identity crisis.  We are a new creation:  Ephesians 1:4-5 " For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will-."  Colossians 2:13-14  "  When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross."  Colossians 3:12  "  Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." So what are we to do?  For we are all broken and sinful and continue to battle against are old flesh and against powers and principalities that desire to destroy us.  We try to do things are own way.  We hold back forgiveness.  We fail to love when Christ loved us first.  I would love to be able to tell you that I can resist all of these previous statements and that I am a mature Christian lacking none, however, I cannot.  You can ask my wife and my kids and my closest friends and accountability partners and they will all tell you that I fail regularly.  There are sometimes small victories and some good days (more like moments and minutes) that I do show signs of hope (Jesus's love shining through) but I have to admit that I get tired, selfish, hungry and angry.  I do sin every day contrary to my desire - so what hope do we have?

Our hope is not in our flesh, but in Christ Jesus.  He bore the sins of the world and took them all to the Cross.  In our sins and iniquity Christ bore all and conquered death.  For those who confess his name and bear his fruit, the Kingdom of Heaven is ours to claim.  There is no power or person that can take us away (snatch us) from the love of the Father.  We are a new creation who are called sons and daughters of God.  Galatians 3:26-27  "  You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ."

Hear are some action steps for us to take:

1) Take out a piece of paper and draw a line down the center of the page  (On the left side write down this list:  Galatians 5:19-21 The Message (MSG) ^19-21 It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom.).  NOW on the right side of the page, write down this list:  Galatians 5:22-26 The Message (MSG) ^22-23 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. ^23-24 Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified. ^25-26 Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.".  Once you have done this, then check all those that apply to you and your life (your walk).  If you line up more with the left (the sinful nature - repent) if, you line up with the right, then continue to trust and obey and use your gifts to show those around you less of you and more of Jesus.

2) Get involved in a bible study (in a men or women's bible study).  Find accountability partners (those who you can be completely and bitterly honest too without being judged).  Look for mentors and look for mentees if you are bearing fruit of the Spirit.

3) Pray - continually (throughout the day)

4) Love (love others, love co-workers, love lost ones love family and love your neighbor as yourself (BUT first love yourself as a son and or daughter of God).

5)  What are some of your thoughts and ideas?

Let me know,

Dante

Identity Crisis

Recently, I had the privelege to teach our high school students in our youth group ministry.  I was asked to teach on the subject (question) of why do we need the church.  The youth Pastor played a poignant video prior to my speaking that was an interview of various students that had said why the church was irrelevant and why they were turned off by church.  The video, in my opinion, raised some really good and unfortunate honest opinions on some church members that are misguided in their relational ministries (note:  my opinion).  That being said, I began with a game (candy being the prize) and went right into various Scriptures:  1 Corinthians 12, Romans 12:5, Hebrews 10:24-25 and so on.Before this speaking engagement, I was going over my notes and timing myself for the youth pastor and scheduling.  As I was praying and reflecting I was struck by the fact that we are called (as the body of Christ) to love one another.  The thing that really struck my core is that some of us have an identity crisis, that is, that we do not love ourselves so how can we be expected to love others (encourage, comfort and urge)?  Thus, the identity crisis,  which is why my opinion is why we have problems of loving one another (because some of us cannot love ourselves).  I do not want you to take this as narcissistic or put "myself" before God's Kingdom, actually, quite the contrary.

Here is my position, we are no longer are "old-self".  We, those who profess Jesus Christ, are a new creation.  Thereby, we are now sons and daughters of God.  When we realize this fact, then we can have  a healthy identity of who we are and then we can allow the Holy Spirit to grow us into who He wants and not what we once were.  2 Corinthians 5:17  (ESV) ¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.^[a]The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."  God has intended for his church to be his bride.  God has plans for us, plans to be his disciples.  He gave us the Church so that even the gates of hell could not prevail against it.  If the body is acting in the way that Jesus intended, then that is a very beautiful thing to behold and to be part of.  It is a very powerful force driven by the Holy Spirit.  Did you catch that, we are no longer ourselves (in our pain and anguish of our old sinful self) - we are now his Sons and Daughters.  We are engrafted into his family because of the love of the Father!

When the body is working together for the purposes of God's Kingdom (reaching the disconnected and growing the connected) it is such a thing of beauty.  It is powerful and it is effective in preaching and teaching God's love story - He came down, he bore our sin to death on a cross, he rose again and he now sits at the right hand of God.  Why? Because he loves us.  He loves his bride.  Why do we need community?  Why do we always ask our parents (when we were young) why?  Because they really do know better when they are showing Agape love.  As a Christian (a Christ-follower, a disciple of Christ) we can be rest-assured that Jesus loves us, that he died for us and that because of his work on the cross, we are FORGIVEN of past, present and future sins - IT IS FINISHED.  Jesus said that for a reason.  He knew that he was faithful and obedient to his Father's will.  Jesus called us to do the same for Him.  To be his disciple means more than just being a pew sitter, it means for us to move from pew sitter to heavy hitter!  Jesus gave us the Church, so we can have community with the Saints to help us carry our burdens to do His will!

Any questions?  Please let us know!

Dante