Top 10 Ways To Build Up Your Wife (And Electrify Your Marriage)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 ESV

I challenge you to think about this verse often.  Repeat it.  Memorize it.  Live it. Love it.  Breathe it.  And when your forget it, repeat these steps again :)

These are the TOP 10 ways to build your wife up (and electrify your marriage)

1) Pray for your wife daily - ask God to guide your way and your mood and your approaching her.  Remember that she is a daughter of the King.  He has given you the right to be married to His daughter.  It would behoove you to remember that when you meet him at the Judgement Seat of Christ that He will ask you what you did for his kingdom, how you treated His treasures (your time, talent and treasure).  He will ask you how you treated your children and the least of these and how you loved and affirmed and cared for your wife (His daughter) - don't blow it!

2) Love your wife - do not withhold love from her. Love her unconditionally. Do not forget #1.  Remember to kiss her, to hug her, to love her.  Communicate with her and tell her you dreams and struggles, share life together.  To serve her better, read 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5.

3) Serve your wife - yes, you work long hours (most men do) yes, you are likely the main bread winner.  Yes, the world (we think) revolves us, BUT remember to keep engaged with her. Great Men often have to pull a double shift every day. Fight for her time, attention, affection and love.  Serve her, comfort her and attend her - no matter what.  Even if she is a hard woman, even if she doesn't want to be loved anymore by you.  Even if she doesn't return those attributes to you (be the servant leader, do not discard your duties.)

4) Read God's Word daily - the more you put God's word in your life, the more His ways center your ways, which will help you love your wife more.

5) Die to self, live for her.  When you were dating your wife before marriage, you could not do anything more to please her, pursue her, and to love her - so why did you stop now or lessen this intensity.  You're a man!  You have talent - You can do this - Step it up!  Man up! #DateYourWife

6) Sing to her- unless your voice is abysmal, then play music for her or learn the piano/guitar and serenade here just with the music or radio and a smile

7) If you are blessed to have kids with this treasure of a wife - then be a fully engaged dad.  Roll up your sleeves.  "Get in the game, Maverick!" (reference Top Gun).  She will love you more for that - trust me and our kids desire no less.

8) Affirm her - let her know that she is wonderful, BUT together you two can be great(er)!

9) Care for her - don't talk down to her.  Do not belittle her.  No matter how mad she gets you, don't ever degrade her to your friends, children or family - remember whose daughter she is.

10) If you are already doing number 1 thru 9 - don't celebrate yet.  As spiritual leader you have to raise up your family.  You have to love, comfort and urge your wife to live a life worthy of God.  Pray for her, Pray with her.  Get a PhD in your wife.  Even if you are not doing 1 thru 9, step 10 is the beginning and the key to igniting a pathway to God's plans for you and your marriage.

What are some of your lists?

Blessings,

Dante

Who said Facebook cannot be useful....two cups of coffee :)

THE MAYONNAISE JARWhen things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and fills it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “YES”.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family,children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things, that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.” he said.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that areimportant to you...” he told them.

“So... pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Worship with your family. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Spend time with good friends. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled and said, “I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

Please share this with other "Golf Balls"

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I saw this on FB this am and it made me smile.  So often life can get really busy, but when the music fades and we are called to give an account of what we did with our time, talent and treasure (READ Ecclesiastes) - what will your life say....?

Thoughts?

Dante

Wickedly True....

This past Wednesday night after work and after the kids were getting ready for bed, I snuck away to attend a prayer training meeting at our church led by a good friend of mine.  He is my ministry head for Men's Ministry and the Pastor of Spiritual Formation.  It was a good night and it was a great night.  We had a time of worship with an acoustic guitar and one of my favorite worship leaders in our church.  When training began we started to read various articles and seasons of prayer (what type of prayers we are). We then began to read Psalms 37, which at face value is a difficult chapter to swallow if you do not completely trust God, but what other choice do we have but to follow God's will for our life?The 37th Psalm reads as follows:

Psalm 37

English Standard Version (ESV)

He Will Not Forsake His Saints

^[a] Of David.

37 Fret not yourself because of evildoers;     be not envious of wrongdoers! ² For they will soon fade like the grass     and wither like the green herb. ³ Trust in the Lord, and do good;     dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.^{[b] 4} Delight yourself in the Lord,     and he will give you the desires of your heart. ⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;     trust in him, and he will act. ⁶ He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,     and your justice as the noonday.  ⁷ Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;     fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,     over the man who carries out evil devices!  ⁸ Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!     Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. ⁹ For the evildoers shall be cut off,     but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land. ¹⁰ In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;     though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there. ¹¹ But the meek shall inherit the land     and delight themselves in abundant peace. ¹² The wicked plots against the righteous     and gnashes his teeth at him, ¹³ but the Lord laughs at the wicked,     for he sees that his day is coming. ¹⁴ The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows     to bring down the poor and needy,     to slay those whose way is upright; ¹⁵ their sword shall enter their own heart,     and their bows shall be broken. ¹⁶ Better is the little that the righteous has than the abundance of many wicked. ¹⁷ For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,     but the Lord upholds the righteous. ¹⁸ The Lord knows the days of the blameless,     and their heritage will remain forever; ¹⁹ they are not put to shame in evil times;     in the days of famine they have abundance. ²⁰ But the wicked will perish;     the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures;     they vanish—like smoke they vanish away. ²¹ The wicked borrows but does not pay back,     but the righteous is generous and gives; ²² for those blessed by the Lord^[c] shall inherit the land,     but those cursed by him shall be cut off. ²³ The steps of a man are established by the Lord,     when he delights in his way; ²⁴ though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,     for the Lord upholds his hand. ²⁵ I have been young, and now am old,     yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken     or his children begging for bread. ²⁶ He is ever lending generously,     and his children become a blessing. ²⁷ Turn away from evil and do good;     so shall you dwell forever. ²⁸ For the Lord loves justice;     he will not forsake his saints. They are preserved forever,     but the children of the wicked shall be cut off. ²⁹ The righteous shall inherit the land      and dwell upon it  forever.  ³⁰ The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom,     and his tongue speaks justice. ³¹ The law of his God is in his heart;     his steps do not slip. ³² The wicked watches for the righteous     and seeks to put him to death. ³³ The Lord will not abandon him to his power     or let him be condemned when he is brought to trial.  ³⁴ Wait for the Lord and keep his way,     and he will exalt you to inherit the land;     you will look on when the wicked are cut off.  ³⁵ I have seen a wicked, ruthless man,     spreading himself like a green laurel tree.^{[d] 36} But he passed away,^[e] and behold, he was no more;     though I sought him, he could not be found.  ³⁷ Mark the blameless and behold the upright,     for there is a future for the man of peace. ³⁸ But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed;     the future of the wicked shall be cut off.  ³⁹ The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;     he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. ⁴⁰ The Lord helps them and delivers them;  he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,     because they take refuge in him.

Every once in a while I see things so clearly that I just thank God for His understanding and His wisdom.  Because when you read this chapter it can be very difficult for us to swallow for how bad things are going to get for the wicked.  However, as we read through this again it became abundantly clear to me a resounding theme, an action call, if you see the words that I highlighted:

1) Do not worry 

2) Do not worry about anything

3) Do not be envious

NOTE:  All of this can lead you  to a path that is not God's plan.  Instead the Psalmist gives us his roadmap for God's truth:

A) Trust in the Lord (fearing the Lord is the beginning of wisdom)

B) Enjoy the Lord, His word, His awesomeness (Delight yourself in all the ways of the Lord)

C) Commit your ways to Him

D) Trust Him more when you do

E) Be Still - that is, wait on him and not on your own agenda

F) Do not worry (fret)

G) Do not anger run you and or your life

H) Do not worry

I) Be content - Contentment (in God's plan) is the Secret to Life

J) Give generously (and when you give - don't expect or demand anything in return and whenever possible do it in secret in order that only you & God know what you have done

Let me know what your thoughts are on this,

Dante

Which wolf do you feed more

A Cherokee LegendAn old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him angry at a friend who he felt had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story...

I too, at times, have felt a great resentment for those who have taken so much, with no seeming sorrow or remorse for what they do. I have struggled with these feelings many times."  He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me engaged in a challenging conflict.”

"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing.”

He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. He does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

Sometimes, it is a challenge to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit. The same challenge is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Do you ever stop to ponder….which wolf inside of you do you feed more?

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The apostle Paul states that when we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, then we are a new creation.  2 Corinthians 5:17  17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!  Paul talks about the battle inside of each of us, the old self (our bodies dead to sin) and the new self (we are a new creation adopted as Sons & Daughters of God because of his gift of his Son Jesus Christ.

This morning in men's group's we talked about idolatry and the ideas of hoarding (both physical and mental and spiritual).   The hard part about life is that we each have our own proverbial baggage.  That is, to say, that we have stuff to deal with.  Stuff that could be given to us through brokenness from a family or from a habit or from any kind of manifestation of our past.  The key to this is to be content (or what I refer to as the secret to life verses found in 1 Timothy 6:6-8 and Philippians 4:11-13).

Which wolf (which "self") do we feed more?  The old hymn of Turn Your eyes upon Jesus is so relevant to this post:

O soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see? There’s light for a look at the Savior, And life more abundant and free!

Refrain:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face,  And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting.  He passed, and we follow Him there; O’er us sin no more hath dominion— For more than conqu’rors we are!

His Word shall not fail you—He promised; Believe Him, and all will be well: Then go to a world that is dying, His perfect salvation to tell!

So where to start today of doing some house cleaning in our physical, mental and spiritual lives is to put some good disciplines in our lives:  1) Read the word every day 2) memorize scripture 3) get involved in a bible study (men's group) 4) listen to preaching and teaching 5) worship and 6) pray continually - ask the Holy Spirit to reveal those "idols" in our lives that we need to remove and 7) Repent of these things and become new.

We can take a portion of such a great chapter in the Bible:

Psalm 119

 ³³ Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes;and I will keep it to the end.^[f]34 Give me understanding, that I may keep your lawand observe it with my whole heart.³⁵ Lead me in the path of your commandments,for I delight in it.³⁶ Incline my heart to your testimonies,and not to selfish gain!³⁷ Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things;and give me life in your ways.³⁸ Confirm to your servant your promise,that you may be feared.³⁹ Turn away the reproach that I dread,for your rules are good.⁴⁰ Behold, I long for your precepts;in your righteousness give me life!

Make this your prayer today!  Teach me Lord your ways (Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, body and strength and love your neighbor as yourself, on these two commandments all the Law and prophets hang).  Give me wisdom and discernment and understanding.  Lead me in the paths that you want me to take.  Incline my heart for your will O Lord that I may listen and do your will.  Turn my eyes upon Jesus.  Confirm in me that I am doing your will and not mine (less of me and more of you O Lord).  Turn away those things in my life that you no longer want from me.  Behold my life and my heart and my ways and reveal to me your desires.

Thoughts?

Dante

My faith and a zip line...Man up, Part 3 of....

  Man up, Part 3 of ....Strongholds versus God's KingdomThis past week my whole family and I were up in Michigan on vacation.  This place we go to has it all (beach, pool, hiking, zip-lines, rock-climbing, preaching and daily teaching and a kids' program to boot.  One of the days I took all 2 of my 3 kids, some cousins and my sister-in-law zip-lining.  My wife stayed back with our youngest who was not old enough for the zip.  When you cut through the trails and up the hill you see this long tower that you have to climb before you can be strapped on to the Zip-line.  There is a moment of apprehension that can be viewed in some of the kids that attempted this trial.  The picture to the left is my middle child.  She had no apprehension whatsoever in her.  She climbed, she trusted and then she jumped right off the tower trusting with wreck-less abandon.   Meanwhile, her cousin, who usually has no fear, climbed to the top without any hitch until she got to the point of complete trust in the Zip-line and the assistant who would undue the climbing rope and attach the Zip-line.  She freaked and she shook and she didn't want to let go.

After several minutes and a lot of encouraging from the ground level (cousins, uncles, mom and others) she crawled to the edge and sat down and finally let go and zipped down the hill.  As we said, she loved it, she loved it so much that she did it two more times.  This of course, made me think and reflect with how we are with God with some of the strongholds in our lives.  That is, to say, the things that we still want control over and that we don't want to give up to God.  Say for instance:  Finances, hobbies, sports, extra-curricular activities, or you plug-in what you are thinking of this very instant.  For me, it is really good and easy to trust when things are going without any problems or pain or hurts.  I mean, I know I love God with all my heart and that I trust him (most of the time) but then there are instances where I find myself putting me in front of him and trying to weather the storm or do it my way or maybe I think that I can handle it and maybe I feel like I just don't want to bother Him with such minute details.  Who are we kidding, right?

I would think that most of you reading this at one point or another in your lives are brought to this very point in your lives (your walk of Faith).  We climb to our own successes and we get to that point where we are about to let go of the climbing line and strap onto the zip-lines of our faith.  That moment when we let go and let God.  For some of us, we have had pasts that we are to afraid to let go.  For others, we don't want to give up that control to trust (that stronghold in each and every one of our lives) and for others it is just plain fear.  If we are honest, I would bet that 100% of us fall in one of these descriptions in our lives.  Maybe it is co-habitation and we are afraid to commit and trust God's plan for our lives.  Maybe it is finances or some major decision in our lives that we will trust ourselves but are afraid to trust God.  Maybe for some of us it is those dark places in our lives that we don't want to let go of (alcohol, pornography, sexual promiscuity....(you fill in your blank)) and we are just too afraid to let go and let God.  For me, it was the point of my marriage (early in my life) when I had created my own sets of morality based on my twenties (not walking with God) and was in my early 30's trying to justify sin in my life to a Holy God.  I was in the early years of my marriage and finally had to have an honest talk with my wife and prayer with God.  I was reading through the Bible and was deeply convicted of my false sense of morality (making myself a god instead of trusting our Holy God).  I had to confess this false sense of morality and impurity to both my wife and to my Lord.  I asked for forgiveness to the both of them and my wife didn't judge me (like I thought she would) in fact, she told me to do something about it (get serious in my walk).  Basically to let go and let God do this work in my life.  So I did!  Both her and I started serving more in church and building in community.  I got more and more involved in the men's ministry and had brothers who (to this day) keep me accountable and pray with me and for me.  I have a wife who isn't insecure of our love and who trusts me  because she trust the God in our lives who is convicting me to lead a life worthy of His Salvation for me.  Not by works, I cannot earn my way to Heaven, but by Faith.  My act of worship (thankfulness and adoration) is my walk and worship of Him and to let go and Let God do this in my life - complete trust and complete obedience.  Do I always get this right, no!  As a matter of fact, I sin every day and I mess up all the time (I am a man and not God).  He knows my strengths and he knows my weaknesses as well).  He has plans for me, plans not to harm me and plans to prosper me.

Wherever you are in your walk right now, reflect on these things that I am saying and ask yourself, ask God and His Spirit to reveal the things in your life that you have to let go of.   Pray on these things and ask that he will remove the strongholds in our lives (our own kingdoms) and that he will show us His Kingdom in our lives and what he requires us to do for Him.  When you find yourself climbing that "proverbial tower" in your life (like my niece did this past week) and you are about to let go of the climbing line and jump in faith to what God has in store for you and your life then and only then can we see his will for us, his plan for us and what he desires most for us.  Hebrews 11:6  And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.  Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Four years ago (and then again 3 years) ago, I almost lost my wife.  She was extremely close to renal failure 4 years ago.  At that time, I had a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old and a 2-year-old.  I had a hard time trusting.  I had many nights of arguing and tears shed and battles with God.  After I put the kids to bed and did all the work that needed to be done while my wife was in the hospital, I would fall into bed and argue with God.  I don't recall all the tears or words that were said, but I did ask if this was his plan for my life?  Really?  I couldn't believe it.  That night I heard this song performed by Tree63 called blessed be your name.  There is a part of that song that says, "You give and take away, BUT blessed be your name!"  Job prayed that and said that when he lost everything (personal wealth, children, homes, etc.,) yet he praised God.  Oh, the weak faith that I have at times.  But that night I prayed that part of the song, knowing that he could very well take my wife home to be with Him.  I cried and I let go.  The next day I had this incredible peace (it was day 5 of the 6 days that my wife was in the hospital) and the phone rang that morning.  It was the lady who was the head of our prayer team and she said to me that her and 6 other ladies were praying for me that very hour that I had the peace.  My mother-in-law, who was 1500 miles away at that time had the exact time of peace - God is in control and all he asks is that we let go and let God.

Can we man up?  Can we let go of the strongholds in our lives and let God tear them down and peel those layers away?

Thoughts?Dante