My Son's Legacy Journey: The End of Phase I - Update One

ChanceThis week is an exciting week for me as my son is turning 14 years old and he is ending his first phase of my Legacy Dad Process with him.  You can also read The Foundation: What We Did From Ages 0-12 Part I, Part II and Part III  to get a better background and perspective on what we did to raise our children up until this point.During the past 2 years, my son has been reading a number of specially selected books that tell stories of courage, character and faith as well as teaching valuable life lessons.  After each chapter of a book, he would write in a special journal what the chapter was about and his own personal thoughts and reflections on the topic.  Also during these past two years, we have had a lot more candid talks on faith, life, manhood as well as a number of outings and special occasions that reinforce the traits he has been learning about.

He played on the football team and learned on and off the field the value of teamwork, loyalty and sacrifice.  He started dating his first girlfriends and as we taught him, went to meet each girls father on his own and explained his intentions to each one, man to man.  We spent a weekend in an abandoned mining town in the Oregon Mountains and came face to face with a mountain lion as well as spending a week climbing on Mount Rainier while building fires from scratch.  There were also numerous impromptu lessons that arose from life's simple quirks and turns and finally he is ready for his first personal test which will take place next weekend.  This test is still a secret to him and he will not know what it is until we are driving to it.

Once my son completes this first test, he will be given a special present to signify his passage into the next phase and presented with his first "letter" - a clue that will ultimately unlock the cypher box hidden in my steamer trunk. - Again see the Legacy Dad Process if you are lost here.letter

While I'll have tweaked this list slightly over the years, the following are the list of books my son read during these past two years.  Each one was selected to teach a specific character trait or life story.  While you can use this list in your own journeys with your own son's, I encourage you to tailor your list to his particular bent, interests and your own family story.  I'll be giving you updates throughout next weekend on our progress and his journey.

- Lance

Esse Quam Videri

12-14 Year Old Book List

The Lost Treasure of the Knights Templar - Steven Sora

The Lord of the Flies - William Golding

100 World Leaders Who Shaped World History - Kathy Paparchontis

The Case for Faith for Kids – Lee Strobel

Boys Of  Grit Series - Three Volumes by Wallace and Egermeir

A Young Man After God’s Own Heart - Jim George

Dismantled: An Honest Look at Some of Our Biggest Fears - Chad Norris and David Rhodes

Boyhood and Beyond: Practical Wisdom for Becoming a Man by Bob Schultz

Sua Sponte – Dick Couch

Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex & Brett Harris

The Red Badge of Courage - Steven Crane

The Tracker – Tom Brown

Reallionaire - Farrah Gray

 

 

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Love Dare? Fireproofing your marriage!

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lovedareFrom their website, "In the movie FIREPROOF, a couple dares to rescue their choking marriage from the flames of divorce and temptation using The Love Dare book as a guide. Now you can take the experience of the film one step further with your own copy of The Love Darebook. This daily devotional steers you through the fiery challenge of developing a strong, committed marriage in a world that threatens to burn it to the ground. The Love Dare personally leads you through daily devotionals, records your thoughts and experiences, and ends each day daring you to perform a simple act of love for your spouse. This 40-Day journey equips you to melt hardened, separated hearts into an enduring love that can withstand the flames of fear, pride and temptation.The Love Dare book will help you reinforce and enrich your marriage, earn back a love you thought was lost, and hear more about the One who not only designed unconditional, sacrificial love—He illustrated it.

In a world that attacks, devalues, and redefines relationships every day, learn how to rescue and protect your marriage from the firestorm. Take The Love Dare and FIREPROOF your relationship."

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I have to admit, I am a skeptic on some of these movies and agree with Lance that these movie guys are borrowing from www.Legacydad.com and helping people in their walks.  Seriously, though, we are all taking biblical principles and trying to apply them to our lives.

On Facebook today, some posted this:  “When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It's never too late.If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

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Marriage is between two sinners.  We all have our baggage and pasts that we bring into the marriage.  Some of us, have really good stories and great childhood memories and some of us don't.  Needless to say, none of us are perfect.  We all need Jesus.  Successful marriages need to center Christ in their marriage!

I have had a few friends tell me that they have secretly done this book without telling their wives and have been blessed for it.  I personally, look for the Bible to guide and direct me, but I can tell you that I picked up this book and am doing this with another friend (he isn't telling his wife either) and I shared with him on day 9 or 10 of just how selfish I can still be after all these years.

I am a good dad and a good husband.  I like Lance's blog entry, The Law of the Lid, because for me it is NOT about being good enough - I want to be the best.  I want to hear the words from our Lord, "well done thou good and faithful servant!"  I hope and pray that I can be that accountable to reach that guy with my brothers (from Men of Faith, Lance & Gary).

Some websites to help you along the way:

http://site.themarriagebed.com/headship

http://www.marriagemissions.com/avoiding-emotional-adultery/

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV), "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

Thoughts?

Blessings,

Dante

 

2013 Legacy Dad Bucket List

bucketlistJames 4:13-16 ESV “Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.”Every one of us will have an appointed time to die and after that we will all face judgement from our Lord Jesus Christ.  This very fact got me thinking about a bucket list for 2013.  It is not so much as planning to die, but things that I really want to focus on in the next 12 months to come.  Things that I think are seriously important:

My Bucket List for 2013:1.       Read thru the Bible in a year

2.       Lead 12 people to Christ (at least one a month)

3.       Love my wife and family more and serve them more

4.       Buy a homeless person dinner

5.       Spend more time teaching, loving, training and hanging with my wife and three kids

6.       Mentoring

7.       Take random road “day trips” with my family

8.       Train and run for my third marathon

9.       Eat better, exercise more and make the wise choices

10.     Read more with my wife

11.     Grow deeper friendships

12.     Apply biblical truth every day to my life, my wife’s life and my children’s life (more family devotions).

What are some of yours?

Blessings in 2013,Dante

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Happy New Year,

Dante, Lance & Gary!!!

The Face of God

1 Corinthians 13:13 (ESV) 13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

John 13:34 (ESV) 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

jesuspaiditallThis morning in men's group we read Romans Chapter 5.  In this text we realized three key themes in this chapter that are really hard to grasp, at least for me:  1) We, who are saved, are called friends of God, 2) Because of what God did for us - his son died for us - we are now at peace with God and 3) We are not ashamed.  Jesus paid it all.

This season of Christmas, I find myself awestruck by this chapter and by the realization that Jesus paid it all, that is, my sins of the past, present and future sins to come.  He pours his grace over me.  The text doesn't say "dabs" or "drips" but pours his love over us.  I am not sure about you, but for me, I cannot wrap my head around just how much he loves me.heavenly

I am no longer an enemy of God, I am no longer at war with God.  I am a piece with him and later (in Galatians and in Romans) we read that he has adopted us as sons.  That is just so profound to me.  To think, Jesus took on flesh by being born of a virgin and then in his short 33 years of life, fulfilled all the prophecy about him.  Jesus healed the sick and lame, walked on water, controlled the wind and raised the dead.  Above all, he died for you and me and was raised from the dead and now sits at the right hand of God the Father.

jesus-in-the-mangerJesus, in all His glory, is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.  He reigns and all shall bow and confess to him that he is the Lord.  He chooses to be our friend and to testify on our behalf to God the Father.  Because of this, we are justified through Faith and we are now sons of God.

This Christmas, given the aftermath of tragedy, has become even more special to me because there is nothing and no one that can separate us from His love.

I hope that all of us take the time to reflect on the reason for the season - Jesus!

May God bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you and give you peace.

Merry Christmas,

Dante, Lance & Gary.

 

In the midst of tragedy....Jesus still saves

As I drive to work each day and leave my family in hopes to see later in the day, an excitement builds in my heart and mind of the anticipation of those little feet racing to the garage door to greet me with a kiss and a hug and the proverbial, "D A D D Y" while they are running to see me.   prayervigilAs I write this, I cannot help but think of those parents in Connecticut that will not hear those words, here on earth, again.  My heart is saddened as we have a kindergartner in our home.  This tragic event resonates with me, because I see the brokenhearted and the lost and wonder how much pain these individuals must face and in not knowing Jesus how much they are missing.

I wish that I had words and the right actions to help these people, but on this side of heaven I really don't.  So what can I do, how can I help, what would make the difference in my life - to love my children!  To serve my family and church and community and to share the love of Jesus Christ.

In the midst of pain and suffering, there is only one person that I truly know that can say that he has experienced it all - God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  There is only one who can fill whatever void this earth throws into our path.

Turn to scripture and find some comfort food:

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit"

2 Corinthians 1:4-6 "Who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer."

Romans 8:18 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

Romans 10:9 "Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Psalm 1:1-6 "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; ..."

Here at Legacydad, our hearts and prayers go out to those families that are suffering.  My the Lord of Heaven and Earth bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give you peace.

In Christ,

Dante, Lance and Gary!!!

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