Get the Dad – Get the Family (re-post from Bryan Mills)

Get the Dad – Get the Family

April 12, 2012

It should be no surprise to church leaders and pastors that Dads can have an amazing impact on the local church … and so much more … to the family.

If I were looking to grow my church … I would be looking for meaningful and relevant ways to connect with Dads. I believe that if you get the Dad … you get the family. Consider these statistics below.

1. 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
2. 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
3. 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
4. 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
5. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
6. 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
7. 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
8. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
9. 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows for all God’s Children]
10. 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
11. 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
12. Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

Church! If you want to make a dent in your local community … start engaging with the Dads! Make your church attractive to Dads. Invest in the Dads. If you do this well … you’ll have SIGNIFICANT impact on your local community.

QUESTION: what is your church doing to attract Dads? How do you plan to connect with them?

No great love is there than a friend...

^{John 15:13}  Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Psalm 22

English Standard Version (ESV)

Why Have You Forsaken Me?

To the choirmaster: according to The Doe of the Dawn. A Psalm of David.

22 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?² O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,and by night, but I find no rest.

³ Yet you are holy,enthroned on the praises^[a] of Israel.⁴ In you our fathers trusted;they trusted, and you delivered them.⁵ To you they cried and were rescued;in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

⁶ But I am a worm and not a man,scorned by mankind and despised by the people.⁷ All who see me mock me;they make mouths at me; they wag their heads;⁸ “He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him;let him rescue him, for he delights in him!”

⁹ Yet you are he who took me from the womb;you made me trust you at my mother's breasts.¹⁰ On you was I cast from my birth,and from my mother's womb you have been my God.¹¹ Be not far from me,for trouble is near,and there is none to help.

¹² Many bulls encompass me;strong bulls of Bashan surround me;¹³ they open wide their mouths at me,like a ravening and roaring lion.

¹⁴ I am poured out like water,and all my bones are out of joint;my heart is like wax;it is melted within my breast;¹⁵ my strength is dried up like a potsherd,and my tongue sticks to my jaws;you lay me in the dust of death.

¹⁶ For dogs encompass me;a company of evildoers encircles me;they have pierced my hands and feet^[b]—¹⁷ I can count all my bones—they stare and gloat over me;¹⁸ they divide my garments among them,and for my clothing they cast lots.

¹⁹ But you, O Lord, do not be far off!O you my help, come quickly to my aid!²⁰ Deliver my soul from the sword,my precious life from the power of the dog!²¹     Save me from the mouth of the lion!You have rescued^[c] me from the horns of the wild oxen!

²² I will tell of your name to my brothers;in the midst of the congregation I will praise you:²³ You who fear the Lord, praise him!All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him,and stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel!²⁴ For he has not despised or abhorredthe affliction of the afflicted,and he has not hidden his face from him,but has heard, when he cried to him.

²⁵ From you comes my praise in the great congregation;my vows I will perform before those who fear him.²⁶ The afflicted^[d] shall eat and be satisfied;those who seek him shall praise the Lord!May your hearts live forever!

²⁷ All the ends of the earth shall rememberand turn to the Lord,and all the families of the nationsshall worship before you.²⁸ For kingship belongs to the Lord,and he rules over the nations.

²⁹ All the prosperous of the earth eat and worship;before him shall bow all who go down to the dust,even the one who could not keep himself alive.³⁰ Posterity shall serve him;it shall be told of the Lord to the coming generation;³¹ they shall come and proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn,that he has done it.

WORDS & SWORDS

Sometimes kids say say some unbelievable things.  For instance,  when I got home from work today I had my "to do" list which included a trip to Lowe's and the local door store.  I got all my errands done, but I ran out of time to complete my projects tonight, partly due to the fact that I took all of my kids with me and left my wife home alone with our new puppy.  However, one interesting thing is what came out of my son's mouth as we were driving back home.  He said, "Daddy, do you remember when you and mom told me about sticks and stones and how words actually do hurt?"  I said, "Yes, Trey I do."  Trey, "Well daddy, did you know that if you move the "S" in Words, then you have SWord, and they can cut deep."  Daddy, "Very profound, Trey, very profound." 

So what does Scripture say about our words (sword):

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit" (Proverbs 18:21)

"But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment." (Matthew 12:36).

"For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." (Matthew 12:37).

^"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." (Colossians 4:6 ESV)

What I find interesting is how we, as legacy dads, can navigate through our day and realize how vile and ignorant conversations can be in this world.  You don't believe me?  Turn on the TV, listen to the Radio, search the blogs (especially during an election year) and most of all look at Social Media and realize just how serious your words (sword) can be.

Imagine if for just one day everyone around us could hear these things being said and done to other people that we loved.  Imagine even more if in the course of that day, that we found ourselves being the one that said those things.

Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord.

From the poem by Frank Outlaw:  The 5 Watches:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Dante

Act of Valor

Let me start this post out by saying that this week was a very rare gem for me.  I was asked to catch up with a brother from church that I have not walked with for a very long time.  He has had some ups and downs and has been restored in our body and I am proud to watch his spiritual growth in our church.  We had dinner before seeing the movie, Act of Valor.  We talked a lot about our kids and ministry and where are lives are taking us.He asked me what he could do for me.  I didn't see that question.  Actually, I was expecting more of just a catch up kind of evening.  I will say that I knew that he was walking and getting actively involved in some other ministries in our church and that was a very good thing.  My response to him was that he was already doing it.  He made some mistakes (we all do), he repented (we all need to) and he has been restored.  Now his life is bearing fruit of the Spirit.  He has a humility that I cannot explain, but I can tell that he truly gets what Christ did for him (for me and you).  He reinforced a very strong passion of Lance, Gary and myself:  To finish well and to reach men at their core and to serve in such a way, When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.”  (quote form Lance's Post).

After dinner,  we went and saw the movie (see trailor) Act of Valor, which is a movie about Navy SEALS.  The movie was nothing less then great.  You can pick on some aspects of the movie but things that were made abundantly clear from the beginning where character traits that we strive for legacy dads to bear witness to and live out daily:  Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring, Citizenship, Perseverance, Loyalty, Duty, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, Grace, Justice, Humility, Humilty, Mercy, Discipline and of course, Valor.  I have to believe that some, if not all, of these men fear God and believe in Jesus Christ.  They would be remiss to be so giving in their sacrifice to their friends and family and country and not know the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior.  Some of the things said and principles shared in the movie can make one believe that they do believe in God (I hope and pray so).

Last night was another special night for me as I met with an Elder from our church and a man that is very involved with me in our men's ministry and we are working on some discipleship training.  Both men, that I met with these past two nights, have a sense of maturity (humility) that is great to see.  The one from Tuesday is just starting to grow deeper in his faith and maturity and the one from last night has come through a very long year and a half of a desert place.

I am celebrating these two men this week.  I believe in them and their walks and am proud to be involved in serving with both of them.  As we work through this discipleship process, our prayer and hope is that other men will move in a posture that can bring them to a place of worship, service, stewardship, purity and of course, being a man of God and a disciple of Christ.

To God be the Glory,

Dante

Grace Based Parenting Video Series (Part 2): Building Character

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Blessed be your name

Tonight was a really tough night for me when I finally got home.  First of all, I worked all day.  Secondly, I helped a friend host a sales party and my wife told me on the way home that a friend died today.  These kids are close to my kids' age and this mom had been battling cancer for a very long time.  When everyone got home from school and the kids were put to bed, my wife told our son that his friends lost their mommy today, that is, she went home to Jesus.Now I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was a Christian and that tonight she is with Jesus in Heaven (to God be the glory).  But the other side of this is that there are 3, no 4, kids that will no longer have their mommy.  This statement really hits home with me for a numerous amounts of reasons:  1) I almost lost my wife both 3 and 2 years ago; 2) I have kids their kids' age 3) How do you explain this to your kids and 4) You can NEVER replace "mom".

So, when I finally got home, I changed clothes and went up and laid in bed with my son and talked.  I talked about what he wanted to talk about, which was his friends' mommy.  So we talked some more, we prayed and when I started to pray I sang him this song by Tree 63:

Blessed be your nameIn the land that is plentifulWhere the streams of abundance flowBlessed be your name

Blessed be your nameWhen I'm found in the desert placeThough I walk through the wildernessBlessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,I turn back to praiseWhen the darkness closes in, LordStill I will say...Blessed be the name of the LordBlessed be your nameBlessed be the name of the LordBlessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your nameWhen the sun's shining down on meWhen the world's all as it should beBlessed be your name

Blessed be your nameOn the road marked with sufferingThough there's pain in the offeringBlessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,I turn back to praiseWhen the darkness closes in, LordStill I will say...Blessed be the name of the LordBlessed be your nameBlessed be the name of the LordBlessed be your glorious name

You give and take awayYou give and take awayMy heart will choose to sayLord, Blessed be your name

I sang him this song and when I sang the part where it says, "you give and take away" he truly took away what I was trying to say to him:  No matter what, Trey, blessed be the name of Jesus!

He is our friend.  He suffered for our sins.  He died on the cross for our sins once and for all.  He understands what it is like being us.  He understands pain (he died on a cross) and he understands love and joy.  Because of Him, we are saved.  We are loved and will always be His.

When I almost lost my wife, the hardest prayer that I ever prayed was, "not my will, BUT your will be done!"  To God be the glory for ever and ever, Amen!

Dante