The Ganster of Love

Parenting With An Atmosphere of Grace Series

Gansta The other day my son and I were looking at clothes in a local store.  My son picked up a hat and put it on his head sideways telling me he wanted this hat. To me he looked like a gangster rapper from infamous rap videos so my first reaction was of course to say "No way." I then paused and realized that my son uses good judgement 95% of the time and he has always displayed good character traits at school and with friends.  Was my reaction based on any moral relevance or simply on my own personal opinion?     

 

My initial reaction was "What would other people think?" and I envisioned people at church whispering saying "That's the son of the guy who writes about parenting and teaches the parenting bible study! His kid looks like a juvenile delinquent."  

Luckily, I realized that I was not using grace.  This hat was simply a passing fad of my son's culture.  When I was growing up; I wore combat boots, a beret and a Pink Floyd shirt to school!  I was just expressing myself through the wearing of clothes.  

Many times as parents, I believe we turn simply differences of opinion, culture and generational fads into Christian G's full blown moral disagreements.  What's even worse is when we try to falsely use scripture to back up our own opinions simply because we disagree with a child's choice of clothing.  To my knowledge, the only biblical guidance on dress involves modesty?  It says nothing of wearing a hat sideways?  

Furthermore, does God judge us by our manner of dress or the character or our hearts?  

Imagine if God judged us with the same black and white perimeters I was placing on my son?    

I think many times we overreact as parents not based on any moral grounds but simply on our own embarrassment or what we perceive as "un-Christian." 

In the end, I let God's grace guide me and we ended up buying the hat for my son for a Christmas present.  However, I reflected on this lesson and wondered how many times in the past I made a knee jerk reactions based on my own opinions rather than moral absolutes?

As parents, we have to pick our battles carefully and this one, once examined, would be an absurd area to hold my ground. 

My son understands moral absolutes and does not violate them.  My son does not support the illicit behaviors that permeates the rap culture, he simply wanted to fit in with his peers.  

 - Lance

P.S.  The above photo is three kids at a Christian Summer Camp.  

 

 

SOME EVENTS DADS JUST HAVE TO TALK (CROW!) ABOUT

OK, I'd better get on with the day. Been the whole morning doing research on grandparenting. Did you know grandFATHERS are getting back into the picture?

If you're not one now, do you know how really soon you'll be one? Take that tip from a 70-year old grand dad. 70 used to be old. I'm still wondering who those "elderly" are on news reports and TV ads.

Researchers and social analysts are using telling terms while they stream out the stats of longer life, better health, greater percents of the population. Then they add new terms, "Finishing well" among those focused on Christian family values. "Fun-seeking" and "supportive" are emerging.qualities of granfFATHERS.

So why the strange title to this post?

Because one of those great life events just happened to "me"..."We," really. "Me" or "we" in quotes because that would be a social transference phase (see, I have been researching). Grandson, Taylor, now 12.5, is in his "manhood year" or year of passage, the transition from boy child to first man years.

I was writing a post for my own blog, GENDADS, when the call came in. It was a Skype Webcam call. There on the back of the pickup with "our" prize, His first deer on his first hunt.

The story is a rich one that includes my last few posts telling about Dad, Taylor, and me on our five day pack-in hike during the summer. It was the scouting hike, and I was able to see each move in my mind's eye as Taylor enthused his hunt over the cell phone. We'd seen a deer together in the very spot he bagged his trophy (eight points). So, it was OUR hunt, OUR deer.

If the rite of passage, the hike, the hunt, or just the new grandfathering mode interests you, take a peek at www.gendads.com .

We can conclude with this note--back to the research--Who yoiu are as a legacy dad will, sooner than you think, set the stage for your true legacy years.

Will you be as good a grandfather as your are a father? Better?

http://www.gendads.com

The Heart Before The Head

One of the moChild-heartst critical and misunderstood concepts of Legacy Dad is developing the heart before the head.  When my wife and I were young, faith based teaching consisted of learning and memorising bible verses and going through ritualistic traditions in an effort to teach us our faith.

For the most part, there was no hands on instruction nor real life examples to glean experience from.  What this led to was mostly going through the motions to appease parents and church leaders in order to conform and fit to a certain mold or expectation placed upon us.  Bottom line.  It was in our heads but not in our hearts.  

As parents, we vowed to take the opposite approach towards faith based and almost all character based instruction with our children.  They would see real life examples and receive hands on experience before being taught doctrine and tradition.  Plus, we expose them to the real world with parental oversight as opposed to trying to create a controlled environment to keep bad things out.  Why?  

First, a child will blindly accept the teachings and therefore the faith of their parents if asked simply to appease the parents and seek approval.  Is this truly allowing the holy spirit to work in our children's lives? 

Second, I have lived myself and met countless people who can quote scripture, doctrine and ritual yet do not actively believe nor have it in their hearts.  Remember that currently 90% of Evangelical children leave the Church after high school (Barna Group)              

Third, focusing on the head and parents who try to create a safe, controlled environment is only influencing a child's external behaviors.  What happens when the child enters the real world?  A hostile world especially towards faith? 

By focusing on the heart before the head, you are influencing a child's internal character and belief Children-bible-study
systems so the external environment does not matter.  

Please understand, we don't let our children run wild, watch whatever media they feel like or expose them to un-biblical teachings.  We lead them by example, expose them to church and faith based activities and let them come to their own conclusions. 

The results are astonishing.  Award after award from schools for superior character.  Children living their faith based values daily rather than reciting them.  Children making the appropriate decisions when no teachers or parents are present.  I could go on and on.  

The biggest revelation of this hit me this week.  We just started a two year bible study with our children that prepares them to become adults in the church.  This study now brings the doctrine piece into their lives.  They can't recite the book of the Bible the story of the Good Samaritan is in but they can tell you about the real life time they stopped and bought a homeless man a meal with their own money.

Focus on the heart first and the head will follow in time. 

- Lance

 

The Life List # 49

The Life list – Things You Have To Do Before You Die presented by Legacy Dad and Outside Magazine

It's Time to expand your bucket

49. Climb the Grand Teton

 You'll breathe hard. You'll be scared. It'll take two days. That's the appeal: This iconic, 13,770-foot fang of granite is tough and technical--but still a reasonable goal, even if you're a rock rookie. The ascent itself begins with a seven-mile approach on the lower saddle of the Grand Teton. Your team will rise before dawn the next morning to begin a series of roped-up pitches that are moderately difficult (from 5.4 to 5.7) and stunningly exposed. Chances are you'll tag the summit before noon and savor some 360-degree views over Wyoming and Idaho, then it's down, down, down to the base. 

 Teton

Unplugging in Twilight Country

IMG_0394 This weekend, our family unplugged and had our annual family shareholders meeting in the area where they film the infamous Twilight movies.  No phones, no computers, no TV.  A log cabin and time alone to think, talk and plan.  It's amazing how complex and overly commercialized our lives have become.  Do we really need need the latest 4G network ? Do we really need 3D TV?  Or are we just filling our lives with distractions so we don't have to face our ultimate problems and responsibilities? IMG_0342       

This weekend we lived in a 800 square foot log cabin with only a fireplace and a radio for amusement.  Well that and hundreds of acres of Temperate Rain forest and miles of beautiful beaches. Do we really need more?  This weekend our family unplugged but became in-tune with each other again.  We all talked, shared and made it a priority to focus our attention on each other.

IMG_0412 We also talked about the future and what lay ahead for our family and our children.  Both of children begin a two-year Bible study this week (led by my wife and I) that instills in them a biblical world view and prepares them to be adults in the church.  We discussed what this meant, how it would require homework and lessons as well as why it ultimately is crucial to have in life.  

We also talked about the next five years and our family plan.  My future career progression, my wifes graduate degree program and our son entering the first phase of the Legacy Dad process this year.  Everyone seemed easier talking about these topics after such a wonderful weekend together.  Our kids were much more mature and understanding of having to possibly move again, my wife's long hours of study and the rewards of the Legacy Dad process.  Just a side note, we don't call it the Legacy Dad process with our children but the Family Legacy.   IMG_0351

We also reflected on how far our family has come in the past 7 years not only in miles but in quality of life, spiritual maturity and morals and values.  We all agreed that we were content and that we should not spend any more time or money to chase frivolous things or to try to keep up with the Joneses.  Maybe it's because I just finished Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years but I feel as if it's time to write the next chapter in our Story.  This new chapter will have you on the edge of your seat and witnessing first hand what it takes to raise spiritual champions.  Stay tuned.  

   

 

 

 

Give me Jesus...

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=15673376&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=1&color=&fullscreen=1&autoplay=0&loop=0

Give Me Jesus from Faith Church on Vimeo.

There are often a lot of days when I let the busyness of life distract me from the important things. Things like family and friends and quiet moments in life that stress and worry can never replace.  Things like praise and worship and just spending time with Jesus and really concentrating on that relationship.  Sometimes I let the busyness distract me from a true and loving relationship with my Redeemer.  I have to confess that sometimes I have even forgot my first love - Jesus.  In order for me to be a Spiritual leader of my wife and of my family, then I have to model this relationship with them.  I have to show them what true faith looks like even when there is despair.  I have to show them that it is okay to fail because we have a God of second chances.  

In the Bible, there are so many who testify to this awe inspiring relationship.  In the Book of Job, we read how Job loses everything and yet he says that his Redeemer lives and that his faith will not be shaken.  Joseph, after he is rejected by his brothers and sold into slavery trusts in our God and knows that he will be delivered.  David had the heart of Jesus and spoke of Jesus in Psalms.  His love for his Savior was rivaled by few.  Paul, a murderer, found Jesus (his love) on the Road to Damascus and was transformed by Grace.

I guess what I am really trying to tell myself is that everything else under the sun means nothing if I do not have an eternal relationship with Jesus.  

When we find ourselves in a relationship (A marriage, a friend, a son or daughter, a parent or a mentor/mentee) we have to give that person(s) our time.  We have to give that person(s) honesty and respect.  In order to build that relationship up and into a lasting friendship, we have to give it time (not just quality but also quantity).

I don't just want to do the motions, I want to give Him my all.   Give me Jesus!

 

Dante

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