Here in America

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 Here in America, by Rich Mullins, thank you Andrew...

Where do we go from here...

Plans for your life

Jeremiah 29: 11 “For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans togive you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray tome, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek mewith all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD…

These past two years have been extremely trying for me andmy walk.  I am not sure how much I alludedto in the past entries about my wife, but over the past two year, almost to thedate of the first year anniversary, she has had some major health complicationsthat the doctors cannot explain the cause of to this day.  Needless to say, they were able to treat herafter she was hospitalized both times, but for me, it was extremelyunnerving.  Basically, to put it simply,she was very close to having her body (at the age of 31) go into renalfailure.  Her CPK levels were off thechart and the first year she could barely walk up the stairs holding ouryoungest (at 2 years old, now 3).  Forsix days she was hospitalized (the first year) and for 4 days she washospitalized this year. 

I have a new found respect for single parents.  Frankly, I don’t know how you do it24/7.  Last year, my in-laws were inFlorida and my parents are just too old to handle my 3 kids and life wasextremely stressful and turned me upside down and inside out.  I was on my own, while my wife was in thehospital, being mom, dad, nurse, caretaker, cook, maid, and all around defensefor my family.  After the kids were inbed I fell into bed and wrestled in prayer, in tears, and in reading God’s wordfor answers.  Seriously, I couldn’tbelieve that this is what he had planned for my life, to take my wife away fromus and to leave me as a single parent raising 3 younglings.  By the way, I also want to say that Spiritualattack was also evident in my life through this time as well, both at theworkplace and elsewhere.

The hardest prayer I think that I have ever prayed (overtears) was for my wife and for her healing, but as I continued searching theScriptures for answers I found myself having to pray, “not my will be done, butyour will Father.”  It was at that pointthat I gave everything to Him.  I gavehim my tears, my stress, my hope and my frustration – not knowing where thisroad would lead.  I wrestled in my bed,crying myself to sleep for the love of my life, and asking to have her just onemore night in my home. 

I had taken 3 days off of work to be the parent, and my workwas more than patient, given the circumstance. I was reading many Scriptures including the one listed above and all ofa sudden a great peace came about me.  Icannot explain it, except that there was a real calming force about me.  At that point the phone rang and it was afriend who leads our church’s prayer team. She told me that a group of six women were praying for me that morningand she wanted me to know that.  I askedher the time that this occurred and she said it was right about the time that Ifelt that unbelievable peace, given my circumstance.  The strange thing about that was that mymother-in-law (over 1700 miles away) felt that same type of peace come overher. 

This past January, I moved my parents into assisted living(in another state by my sister) right about the time that my wife went back tothe emergency room only to hospitalized again in January 2010 for the samething that the doctor said the year before would never come back.  Strangely enough, she went into the hospital theday before I flew back, so I was able to land in Chicago and visit her thereand spend the day with her at the hospital. These past two years have taught me something in my Christian walk thatI don’t think anything else could have done in such an extreme way – to trustin the Lord.  To trust Him no matter whatand no matter what happens in your life. What would it profit me to gain the whole world and lose my ownsoul?  What would it profit me to haveeverything in this world but to lose my faith in God?  The answer is quite simple – nothing.  There is nothing on this earth that is worthlosing that. Nothing!

God has plans for me, not to harm me, but to prosperme.  God has plans for you too.  What does he want in return?  The answer is simple yet not easy.  It requires obedience, repentance, trust anda heart of worship.  He does not want hypocrisy;he does not want a lukewarm person.  Whenyou want to come closer to Him, He will come closer to you – I promise!

As hard as life is and could get, God will meet you whereyou are at.  A word of caution, He is aHoly God and he doesn’t want just a part of your life as a Christian – He wantsall of it.  And for the Legacy Dad’s outthere – remember that your children out there are watching you, and remembersomething even more important than that – God is watching you all thetime. JOB 7.

Dante 

Ten Ways to Be a Better Father

Ten Ways to Be a Better Father

by Crawford W. Loritts, Jr.

In recent years, much of the debate over today's family crisis has focused on men--or more specifically, the lack of positive male role models. It is true too many fathers are absent and are not taking responsibility for their children. There are, however, many fathers who are bravely trying to live up to their high calling. As a husband and father of four, here are ten principles that I have learned over the last 20 years of fathering.

1. Passionately love your wife.

With few positive images of husbands around, girls don't know what to look in a man, and young men don't know how to treat a woman.

Your daughters are going to date fellows who show the same level of commitment and respect you model. And your sons are going to treat their girlfriends and wives the same way they see you treat your wife.

Let your children see you sharing love and affection with their mother. When you and your wife have a conflict, show your children how two people can make up. The most important area of life you prepare your children for is marriage and family, and their best preparation is to live with a dad who loves their mom.

2. Be a man of integrity--or your words will fall on deaf ears.

Who you are behind closed doors is the real you. If you sing in the choir on Sundays and then yell at your wife all week, whatever you say about kindness and caring won't count in your children's eyes. Do you keep your promises? When you commit to do something with your kids, do you break your back to carry it through?

Recently, my oldest son, Bryan, introduced me to a group by listing my credentials, then he said, "You know, those things are nice, but they don't mean anything to me. What means the most to me is that my dad is in private what you see in public. That inspired me to be even more consistent.

3. Your children's importance to you can be measured by how much time you spend with them.

Calendars don't lie. No matter what we say, children know we spend time on the things and with the people that are most important to us. Remember this when you are deciding whether or not to attend an activity that is important to them.

Plan to spend time with your children. Every Thursday before school, my two younger children and I get up early, go out to breakfast and have Bible study. They know that's in Dad's schedule, and we have a lot of fun. Whatever your work schedule is, it's dad's responsibility to foster times of just being with his children. Find out what interests each child (it will be different for each one). My sons like sports, so we go to ball games. My daughters like to go to the mall, so that is where I take them.

4. You, more than anyone else, can give your children lifelong self-worth.

How your children perceive their worth in dad's eyes powerfully influences their lives. My mother has been a phenomenal influence in my life. But when my dad would say, "Son, that was a good job," that meant so much to me! A man makes a lasting mark on his kids' lives when he gives them appropriate praise. It inspires them and gives them an incentive to reach higher.

But the reverse is also true. Never call your children names or use demeaning words--from dad those arrows inflict deep wounds. Separate any negative behavior from their personhood.

5. Communicate as a family.

A united family makes children feel secure. Share at least one meal every day as a family, when you sit down and talk about the issues of the day. Spend one night a week together as a family (not watching TV). It doesn't have to be expensive; you could play games together, go for walks, or go to a park. During family times, the toughest things for us dads is to learn how to listen. We love to give advice, but only by listening will we learn what their hearts need.

6. Understand your mission.

Your mission as a father is to present to the world a gift from your home who will live on after you. The pressure of taking care of one crisis after another, and trying to make ends meet, easily distracts us from devoting time to this mission.

It's unfair to our wives that so often we come home too tired from our jobs, our friends, and our social activities to have any joy or energy left for our children. If one of them got disciplined that day by their mother, a dad should be able to pull him aside and say, "I understand Mom had to discipline you today. What was the issue involved? How are you going to do it differently next time?"

7. Be vulnerable and admit your weaknesses.

The other evening I really came down hard on Heather, my oldest daughter. I didn't have all the information, but since we had talked about this issue several times, I knew I was 100 percent right. After I got the rest of the story, I realized I was completely wrong. I had to say, "Sweetheart, your hardheaded father was wrong again. There is no excuse for how I reacted. Please forgive me?"

Pride makes us fear people thinking we are weak, instead of in charge. But our children don't only need to see our successes. They need to see that when we hurt others, we seek healing; that when we make bad decisions, we deal with them responsibly.

8. Discipline means character development, not venting anger.

Don't discipline your child out of anger. Give yourself time to cool off. Children need to see that discipline and love are not opposites.

Before Karen and I had children, an older couple shared some wisdom: "Whenever you spank your children, try praying with them first. After you pray together, tell them why you are spanking them. After the spanking, pray with them again."

Discipline is not punishment--it might involve pain, but its purpose is correction and development. I want my kids to know that when I take privileges away from them, or when they have to be spanked, it's not to torment them. It's so that later in life my kids don't have habit patterns that hurt them.

9. Don't overprotect--let children learn the law of reaping what they sow.

I bought Bryan an in-style sports team hat. I told him not to wear it to school because kids there were getting their hats stolen. He ignored my warning and, sure enough, his hat got stolen. We were pretty sure who took it, and my first thought was to go down and get that hat. But then I realized, "No, don't do it this time." Bryan needed to learn a lesson.

When our children make bad decisions, sometimes the best thing a dad can do is to stand back and let them feel the heat. Learning that "you reap what you sow" is a very important part of becoming an adult.

I don't want Bryan to do right because I said so; I want him to reason for himself why something is a bad choice. Unless our children suffer the consequences of their affections, they'll never be able to make informed, reasoned decisions on their own.

10. Don't be afraid to show your tender side.

Tender words and affection matter. Studies show that when children don't experience that affection, they will search for it in self-destructive ways. A day shouldn't go by that a dad does not tell his children, "I love you." Each day may be the last time we have that opportunity.

It takes a lot of energy to shape the lives God has entrusted to us as fathers. We need to make the most of our time with our children, so that we never look back and wish, "If only I had spent more time, or given more praise, or told them how much I loved them." I want to give my best to being a father. Even if my children decide to adopt values contrary to what Karen and I have taught them, I never, ever want them to say it's because they felt like they got the leftovers in my life.

Crawford W. Loritts, Jr., National Director of Legacy, lives in Atlanta with his wife Karen and their four children.

Copyright © 1998 American Tract Society, PO Box 462008, Garland, TX 75046-2008. 

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DOES SCRIPTURE BACK THIS UP?

Read Ephesians 5

You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.  (1 Thessalonians 2:10-12, NIV)

IF YOU LOVE YOUR CHILDREN, THEN YOU HAVE TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER FIRST!

Dante

Marriage Testimony From A Legacy Dad Reader

I received an email from a Legacy Dad reader who gave me permission to share his testimony with all our readers.  Thanks for the insight and wisdom Tim.    -  Lance

I can't begin to tell you what God has done in Kathy and my marriage.More than one time we were ready to end it. Particularly sometime lastyear, I was at a crossroad with a choice to be "free" or to save mymarriage. It was my decision to make becauseKathy had given me the ultimatum to choose between the two. She wentaway for the weekend with a girlfriend to give us both time to think.

I knew the choice of freedom was really a lie because real freedomonly comes from being in the center of God's will. And I knew God'splan would never be to "separate what He has joined together". (Matthew 19:6)

As we worked at restoring our relationship God reminded me of Ephesians5:25 which says; "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved thechurch and gave himself up for her". I had always been familiar withthe first part of this verse but it was the lastpart that caught my attention, "and gave himself up for her".

I had to ask, "What does it mean to give myself up for my wife"? 

As I pondered this question I had to first see how Christ gave himselfup for his bride, the church. The obvious was that he died for her (thechurch) and provided an escape from eternity in Hell. How did thisrelate to a husbands love for his wife?

I think we take it for granted Jesus' decision to be the Savior.Remember his prayer to his Father the night before his crucifixion? 

In Matthew 26:39 it says; "Going a little farther, he fell with hisface to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may thiscup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

Three verses later he repeats the same prayer. Why? Because it would be an easy task?
Obviously not. He was agonizing over the decision to suffer for hisbride. Not because he didn't love her but because it was going to bethe hardest thing he would ever have to endure as a man.

Not only did he follow through with this ultimate expression of sacrificial love for everyone but he also showed husbands how to overcome the one thing he knew would be the cancer in all relationships,selfishness.

It would be an honorable expression of our love if we physicallydied for our wives. But would we not be fulfilling God's role for us ashusbands by living for her also?

Listen to what Paul says in Galatians 5:24 

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires."
In other words Christ gives us an escape from selfishness.

Read how the Message bible interprets it;

"Amongthose who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our ownway and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessitiesis killed off for good - crucified."

As I have learned these lessons for myself and have applied them tomy marriage it is nothing short of a miracle what has transformedwithin my marriage.

Just like the laws of nature we live in, God has set in place laws to live by within our relationships.Whether it be relationships between wives and husbands, parents andchildren, familymembers, friends, church family, coworkers, strangers, or even with Godhimself, there is a plan God has put in place so we can live life toit's fullest and to be at peace within each of our relationships.

It's all about relationships. Life is found in these relationships, especially a relationship with Christ himself.The last part of Hebrews 11:6 says; "He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him,"

Depression, loneliness and despair are a result of isolation and self-seeking.

God wants the best for us. That's why he sent his best, his only son.

I couldn't agree with Tim more, thanks for sharing.

-  Lance

Be Still

Psalm 46:10 (New International Version)

 ¹⁰ "Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth."

Galatians 3:26-29 (New International Version)

Sons of God

 ²⁶You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, ²⁷for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. ²⁸There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. ²⁹If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.

 

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Is there anything that is unsettling you?  Give it to God.  Give him the worry, the stress, the uncertainty, the anger and most off all - commit to being patient for him to move in your circumstance.

Happy Fathers Day

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Building on Foundations of a Legacy

To continue on Gary's theme of leaving a legacy for our children or for children who have no dad's (and/or mom's) to leave a legacy, I would like to talk about themes that have been going on in my life as of late.  

As a Men's Ministry Leader, for whatever that is worth, I have the privilege and honor to talk with men and to really get down to the "nitty and gritty" in their lives with them.  I want to be specific and tell you that I am talking about Christian men here and not unsaved and lost men.  That being said, there has been some things that have hit me hard as of late and I am struggling with them as I persevere through trial and tribulations.  Themes like:  Men cheating on wives and Men failing to lead their families and Men not being serious about their faith.  How about, men not being happy with the preaching - saying things like, "their Pastor does not preach expository preaching or they say that their church leaders are more 'Christian-Lite' then really preaching the truth.

The hard part that I have about this is that, to be honest, all circumstances are different and therefore some details may be different.  However, in fairness to leadership (Pastors, Elders and Deacons), wherever these individuals go, it is my belief that they will find fault in the institution that they go to.  You have probably heard the saying, the problem that I have with church is all the people.  Simpy said, but more to the point, it should be said that I have problems with all the sin.  We so often forget to love the sinner, but not to love the sin.  In Galatians 6 we read that God is not mocked and He is a holy God.  We also read in Mathew 18 and other portions of Scripture that if a brother (or sister) is caught in sin that we should rebuke them gently and go and talk to them.  To encourage them to repent and to lift them up.  If they refuse, then we should bring another witness or two and if that doesn't work to bring them into the congregation- if that doesn't work then we are to turn them over to the devil in hopes that they will be broken to the point of repentance.  Upon their repentance, then we are encourage to restore them back to fellowship.

As for those that complain and or are bitter about the lack of preaching and or the lack of expository preaching then I would encourage them to read and memorize Hebrews 13:17 and to read and memorize the entire book of James.  That is, to say, that these leaders (teachers and pastors) that mislead or do not lead in the way that they should be are called to a higher level of judgement and will have to give an account for their actions.  I would encourage them to talk with leadership and to stand on Scripture the way that John Calvin and Martin Luther did against tyranny and unbiblical truths.  

Here is the thing, at the Judgement Seat of Christ, I cannot say to God that Lance, or Gary or anyone else was the reason why I was a bad steward with my gifts and talents.  

There is a whole lot more to say, but with this, what do you have to say?

Let me know,

Dante