The "CALL"...Save the world or "Train them up?"

It popped back off the screen at me as I responded to a woman’s comment of my web site.  She was from my wife’s Sunday school class some 50 years ago and had agreed to critique my web site.  She liked the site.  It was inspirational, actually.  But it saddened her.  Her husband, now a grandfather, did not apply his many gifts to being a father.  Often didn’t seem interested.  In fact, she said, sadly, she would not have been able to get her husband to read such a book. “It’s a guy thing, I guess,” said she, remorsefull.

I’d like to share my response.   Please consider the last line.  I have too many such stories from close friends in ministry and missions.  If you know of the Bob Pierce syndrome, that’s what we’re talking about.   Save the world, lose the child…forever.

“My great fear is that your husband is like more of the husbands out there than not. No, it's not a guy thing. Hoping this won’t seem intrusive and rude,  I am seeing this (I've been there) as disobedience to biblical standards. Lots of guys, otherwise called fathers some of the time, spend their days earning a living for their families, sometimes providing more than is necessary.  On top of that, we men are prone to fulfill our drive toward significance, but too often at the cost of our families. Believe me, it happens as much, maybe more, in men saving the world in the name of Jesus.”

So, as legacy dads your intuition whispers assurance that you are not like that at all.  Once again, and this comes from personal unpleasant exposure to friends in ministry:  those with a drive to do God’s will at any price are too often the ones who include their children on the price tag. 

It would take us hours and pages to invade the scriptures to support either side of this issue—follow “the call” or “train up the children in the way they should go.”  Sure, you CAN do both.  But on which side do you compromise when real life demands it?  

My next best friend, college classmate and football team mate, founder of one of the great mission agencies of today, got nudged from top spot by my son-in-law—a great story we talk about in our co-authoring site and book.  He “lost” two of his three sons to saving the Muslim world; they are proud, highly educated, angry pagans today.  One or the other?  No, but choices must be made—daily along the way to significance for the Kingdom and significance to the legacy.   

Is it possible your “call,” Legacy Dad,  is the only one God can’t find someone else to fulfill…being the father your sons and daughters joyfully emulate as they walk with God down life’s rugged road and even more joyfully repeat for their children, generation after generation?

Gary

www.generationalfathering.com

Who is your brother?

Hate or Love

1 John 2:9Anyone who claimsto be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. 10Whoeverloves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him[c] to makehim stumble. 11But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walksaround in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because thedarkness has blinded him.”

Does this mean if someonedoesn’t like me that they hate me?  Whatif someone continually attacks me and/or my character? How about this, ifsomeone continues to be a thorn in your side? What about if you find yourself under spiritual attack and you try andidentify that attack to a person?  Doesthis give me a right to hate my brother? Absolutely not, if I am under trial or tribulation, which could be froma co-worker (or a brother in the church) should I automatically assume that theproblem lies with them and not with me? 

How can we tell who is right or wrong?  Imean, seriously, if I am a ministry leader shouldn’t I always be right?  If I am reading the word of God everyday andpraying often, doesn’t that mean that the other person must be wrong?  Do you hate your brother?  Let me be specific, is there someone in yourchurch, mini church, neighborhood or workplace that is causing you tostumble?  That is causing you to hatethem?  Can you justify thatposition?  If so, then re-read 1 John2:9-11, and then re-ask the question. Seriously, Galatians 6 tells us that we should test ourselves and onlyourselves.  The Book of James tells usthat through trial and tribulation we build perseverance and through perseverancewe build maturity.  Spiritual Maturity,we find in Hebrews 5 & 6, gives us the ability to immediately discern goodfrom evil. 

So where should you go tofind out who is right and wrong:  1)Scripture  2) Prayer 3) Leaders in yourchurch 4) Accountability Partners (which may include your wives if you are married)  and 5) Galatians 5 – that is, are you bearingfruit of the Spirit or Fruit of the Sinful Nature.   Scripture is very clear between the two.  You cannot possibly be walking in the lightif you are bearing fruit from both.   

So now what?  Do you hate your brother?  Do you hate your sister?  Are these questions penetrating to thesoul?  If so, repent, ask God to directyou in the right course and pray for forgiveness. 

And remember, God is good allthe time.  All the time God is good.

My Grandfather, Pancho Villa

Thanks, Lance, for the introduction.  My heart, my passion is fathering, being a life-long legacy dad.  It never quits, fellas, even when they make the 18th year.  They're still yours, still your greatest assignment--ever!  Boys and girls, yours, will be men and women in the chaotic future they'll face even after we're gone.  Your legacy is your impact through them to your community, your nation, the world, mankind.

So, no, you don't retire your fathering when they leave the nest (or you wish they would), when they marry and have children.  Legacy, Dad?  You'd better give it your all or you will have tears, not hear cheers when you approach The Gates and your imprint is measured for its true worth.

Stories pour from our lives as we move on down the road.  May you be centered in His Story written precisely for you.  May those vignettes of life, the pages you live in His Story, be from your renewed heart and indelible.  Here's a fresh one a few days old.

I subbed for 3rd grade yesterday. My favorite grade; cowboys are still heroes.Short of a full day's lesson plan, I reverted to the standby, an essay. "MyGrandfather"; "Write anything you want. If you don't have one, tell us yourdream grandpa."  Then they read them. Touching. And I learned about all sorts ofgrand fathers. All but one, including two fictional ones, were cool and loved.Because most of their families still speak Spanish, we heard of a lot of oldworld (Mexico) cowboys.

I learned as much from their faces as I did from their stories. Asthey read, it showed me again that grandpa, popi, grand dad and papa are namesheld precious to them. One lad talked with clear pride about his "grandfather"Pancho Villa. A few questions affirmed the lineage but we upgraded Pancho toG,G,G,grand father.  Do we, do they, care about our roots?  We revere thosemysterious heroes from our history that offer us strength.  To some a bandit, toothers a hero; it doesn't matter much to Pancho Villa's GGGgs.  What does matteris he has a history.  And Pancho Villa has generations that honor his name.

How better to be reminded of the significance of father and the grandfathers they'll become?..."From the mouths of babes."

Generational Fathering

Time is fun when your having flies :)

For those who haven't noticed, I have not been posting on Legacy Dad lately.  My day job of saving the world is keeping me really tied up these days.  However, Dante has been keeping a steady flow of posts to keep the site afloat and if you haven't noticed, we added a newcomer Gary to the mix. 

Gary is an amazing man with many years of wisdom and experience and I invite you to not only check out his bio but also check out his website.  Here is just a snippet of Gary's resume:

Despite the visit to 69 nations, then starting businesses andinternational ministries, literally betting and losing the ranch, Navyfighter pilot and air combat retiring as a Captain (06), a crashedplane and a crashed sailboat (thanks to pirates), riding the wild weston horseback, building a Pondarosa-like dream ranch and--especially--handbuilding a wilderness log cabin with my grandwonderkids, a son too soondead of Cancer at 33, a best-friend son-in-law I love and a daughter ofgrace and beauty with three cowboys and two cowgirls princesses for meto imprint.

Stay tuned to Legacy Dad for more from Gary and check out his websites here:

http://www.generationalfathering.com/

www.newseason.us

Men & Stress - Life's way of Biblical Application

MEN & STRESS

If you Google the topic, “Men & Stress” you will find anarticle that has a list of ways that men can relieve stress and maintain ahealthy life.  I was reading this andfound in very interesting when I took the same bullet points and apply it tomen striving to walk by Faith.  Here iswhat I came up with the words that stated “stress” have now been replaced bythe word “Sin”.  Please see below:

· Maintain a healthy diet . Yourbody will not be able to handle SIN and will be more susceptible to thenegative effects of SIN-if you're malnourished. You should eat regularly andchoose foods that have important health benefits: fruits and vegetables thatare rich in vitamins; whole grains that provide your body with complexcarbohydrates and fiber; and lean meats and low-fat dairy for good sources ofprotein to keep your muscles strong.  BIBLICAL APPLICATION:  Read the Bible Daily.  Eat it, memorize it and apply it to youreveryday life.

·  Exercise  regularly. Ifit seems like men suffer from more SIN today than they did generations ago,it's probably true. When hard work in the form of physical labor was part of aman's daily routine, he was able to relieve any SIN  by sweating it out. When the body works hardduring exercise, it produces the same physical effects as if it were"fighting" an imposing stressor. Because so many men today lead suchsedentary lives, SIN can build up and take its toll on our health. Be sure toget 30 minutes of aerobic exercise on most if not all days of the week, andpractice some form of strength training on at least two nonconsecutive days.  BIBLICAL APPLICATION:  PrayContinually.  The more you exercise inprayer the less likely you are to fall into greater temptation and the benefitsof prayer are endless.

·  Limit or avoid caffeine, nicotine and alcohol. Stimulants like caffeine and nicotine cause your heart rateto increase and, as a result, make SIN worse. All three-caffeine, nicotine andalcohol-can disrupt sleep, which is important in helping the body resist SIN.Most men need between seven and eight hours of sleep each night to be fullyrested. Smoking and other tobacco products also increase your risk of heartdisease and some types of cancer.  BIBLICAL APPLICATION:  Read Galatians Chapter 5 and avoid sexualimmorality and the ways of the Sinful Nature

·  Don't use recreational drugs. Drugs like cocaine and amphetamines, as well as someover-the-counter drugs like cold medicines and decongestants, can lead tosymptoms of anxiety due to side effects or withdrawal from the drug. Drugaddictions can also put a strain on the relationships in your life, which canlead to prolonged SIN.  BIBLICALAPPLICATION:  Don’t use drugs and avoidtemptations- the Bible is clear when you encounter temptation and sin – IT SAYSFLEE.

·  Prioritize. If you're like most men,your life is busy. Learn how to prioritize all that you have to do. Havereasonable expectations and set achievable goals and deadlines. It's notreasonable to think that you can do everything for everybody. BIBLICAL APPLICATION:  Not much to change here – this is spot on togodless chatter (and idle time)

·  Unplug. We live in an agewhere we are always accessible-e-mail, cell phones, Blackberries. Remember thatthese devices are intended to help us, not trap us. Sometimes it's okay to notanswer the phone or wait to respond to an e-mail. If you're feeling overwhelmed,unplug and set aside an hour or two each day to return phone calls and answere-mails. BIBLICALAPPLICATION:  We all need quiet time tospend with our Father in Heaven.  Prayand meditate and yield to the Holy Spirit’s guidance in our daily lives.

·  Stay connected. Seemscontradictory to the previous recommendation, but it's not. Staying connectedmeans keeping in touch with the people who make up your support network:family, friends, neighbors-anyone who serves as a confidant or makes you feelrelaxed and happy. When life gets hectic, it's easy to let these relationshipsgo unattended. Avoid this pitfall by setting up regular time to be with yourfamily and go out with friends.  BIBLICAL APPLICATION:  We all need community and we should all helpcarry each other’s burdens.

·  Develop hobbies. Think of hobbiesas entertaining (and safe) distractions. Play golf, go fishing, join a bookclub, work on cars, go hiking, take up gardening-find an activity that you likedoing and stick with it.  BIBLICAL APPLICATION:  Find a mentor (an Elijah) and also find amentee (a Timothy)…This is called discipleship.

·  Think positive. As cliché as itmay sound, maintaining a positive outlook can help reduce stress. Try to stopnegative thoughts before they get out of control.  BIBLICAL APPLICATION:  If God isfor us, then who can be against us. Purify your hearts and repent of unrepentant sin.

·  Practice relaxation techniques. Thereare many different relaxation techniques you can do to reduce SIN. Some includemeditation, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing…  BIBLICAL APPLICATION:  Read theBible, Pray Continually throughout the day, find quite time and sharpenyourself with other godly men – as Iron Sharpens Iron…

Veritas Christo et Ecclesiae

Veritas Christo et Ecclesiae

During its early years, the College offered a classic academiccourse based on the English university model but consistent with the prevailingPuritan philosophy of the firstcolonists in New England. The College was never affiliated with any particulardenomination, but many of its earliest graduates went on to become clergymen inPuritan churches throughout New England.^[12] An early brochure,published in 1643, justified the College's existence: "To advance Learning and perpetuate it toPosterity; dreading to leave an illiterate Ministry [sic] to the Churches…"^[13] Harvard's early motto was Veritas Christo etEcclesiae "Truth for Christ and the Church." In a directive to itsstudents, it laid out the purpose of all education: "Let every Student beplainly instructed, and earnestly pressed to consider well, the main end of hislife and studies is, to know God and Jesus Christ which is eternal life, John. 17. 3. and therefore to lay Christ in the bottom, as the onlyfoundation of all sound knowledge and Learning.

To my surprise, I was reading a book about man, character andintegrity.  I remember reading anentrance exam to a major university (listed above) of today and was shocked ofhow far away from the truth this university has come from its originalintent:  Veritas Christo et Ecclesiae, orto say, “Truth for Christ and the Church.” This book went on to say that before students were admitted into thisuniversity that they had to be literate in Latin and also had to articulatetheir relationship with Christ in a meaningful way.  Now before you write me off and say that I amgoing to bash liberalism or I am just being a skeptic to a major university oftoday, I want to direct this conversation in a brutally honest way.

It is my belief that we, the Church, are the ones that have missedthe mark in a lot of public arenas of today. Seriously, if we had Kingdom Focus, that is God’s precepts and love in ourminds and our hearts and our souls, then imagine where America would betoday.  If we truly were the church thatChrist calls us to be, imagine the Kingdom Impact that our neighborhoods,states, country and this world would see. If the church learned to love one another and not bicker, fight and teareach other apart.  If the church trulytithed the way that God calls us to tithe. If the church truly humbled itself in reverence for God and repented ofour sins and allowed the Holy Spirit to move us further into our sanctification,then I can honestly say that society would be a better place.   Governments would have politicians thatwould not have special interests and lobbyists dictating the way they vote, butrather, we would have politicians that would have Kingdom eyes and would berepresenting the people the way God calls us to do.  The book of Job introduces us to a man whowas all to familiar with the traits and importance of character, integrity andloyalty.  We read in Job 29:13-17, “Irescued the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to assisthim.  The man who was dying blessed me, Imade the widow’s heart sing.  I put onrighteousness as my clothing; justice was my robe and my turban.  I was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame.  I was a father to the needy; I took up thecase of the stranger.    I broke the fangsof the wicked and snatched the victims from their teeth.”

So what can we do, as Legacy Dads? The answer is simple yet complex. The process is tedious yet rewarding. The outcome will be felt through eternity if you are faithful infinishing the race.  The challenge is toengage those you love.  If you aremarried and have kids then be the Spiritual Leader and the parent.  If you are divorced then be a good example toyour kids as a father and show them you have made mistakes, but you will do whatit takes to humble yourself and grow in God’s Kingdom by using the gifts thathe has given you.  Instead of pittingyour kids against each other, instead find common ground in the love that youand your ex share toward the treasures (your children) that God has givenyou.  Love them without abandon.  If we learn to love and to grow the body ofChrist using Kingdom eyes instead of our own, then imagine with me what thefuture would look like.  Stewardship,Purity, Contentment and Discipleship are words that we, those who contribute tothis blog, will continue to edify and build upon in order for the Holy Spiritto move in us.

God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11-13, “For I know the plans I havefor you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plansto give you hope and a future.  Then youwill call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek mewith all your heart.”  When we as LegacyDads, allow God to move in our lives (by prayer, petition, daily reading of theScriptures, preaching and teaching and worship) watch, listen and learn and befollowers of Christ with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.  When we raise up children and serve wives theway that Jesus served the church, IMAGINE WHAT CAN HAPPEN.

Wordless Wednesday

=

Long Ride in to the Sunset

I thought it was the Pox.  No, just pneumonia.  I've been in my cave for four weeks.  But even in the dark, the laptop glows.  So I was able to launch my Web site.  The joy of it came with the return of a voice and sand the end of convulsions. 

I'm sneaking this in just before wordless Wednesday.  If it doesn't make it, watch for it on Thursday.

Here's what I'm offering you tonight, my fellow legacy knights. It's a story from the journey Matt and I live, and it's a piece from our site and the model of my theme on these page:  Fathering in partnership with fathers, your own especially.  You'll like it.

THE LONG RIDE…
…Into the Sunset

There we were, laughing so hard Gary’s cigar fell to the floor of the very old but durable little Suzuki Samurai.   

 That wouldn’t do.  It complicated our hilarity with the smell of serious floorboard smoke soon to be a fire, but he couldn’t take his hands off the wildly wrenching wheel.  We were already backing down a steep log-dozer road, the kind normal four-wheeled vehicles don’t travel.  It was midnight, and we’d dodged through Forest Service roads for two hours to get stuck.  We thought we could make it over the ridge we only guessed was up there somewhere.  I’d hiked in the dark a half hour up the impassable road to confirm raucous stupidity.   

 Trees and rocks were so dense we couldn’t turn around.  But we could laugh.  What a fine fix we’d gotten ourselves in to—again.  And we imagined how the girls would react this time…IF we made it home.  I think that was when we hit yet another boulder.  This time we couldn’t rock ourselves out.  A tree branch, heavy grunting, and sanctified cursing freed us, still backward...as was the Suzuki. 

Two careless, uninhibited over-adventurous teens we were…NOT!  Matt was 34, Gary was 62.  It was one of a score of Matt and Pops, beer and cigar rides we’d taken over the years before and since.  Most of it has been on horses or hiking, mostly at night.  Whether the visit is here or there, we manage a father-son/comrade sortie; It’s like a mission.  Kids are prayed and bedded down, wives, mother and daughter, are talking or doing TV.  Comfy, but then comes the call of the wild. 

This vignette and the dozen others all—every one of them—produce a story worth the retelling.  A half dozen have resulted in bruises, limping, and/or blood.  We now are ordered to carry our cell phone (never mind there’s no signals where we go).  They also produce this story.  It is the story of two men in a by-marriage family who have bonded deeply over time.  These sorties have been the glue.   

We talk.  That’s pretty much it.  If we set aside our the family connection, it is a story of two men of a deep love for God, and mutual love for the family he provided, and a stream of out-loud wondering how we can best fit our calling as men, as godly men, as husbands and fathers.  We talk about a lot of stuff guys don’t get to talk about without a campfire, a seat on a mountain ledge, and a beer and a cigar.  It’s the closing scenes of Boston Legal in the rough.  “Naw, it don’t get no better than this.” But there is one common denominator; fathering talk.  Not “how to” stuff, but the stuff of character.  How do we mold, as we must, the future of Taylor--bright, bouncy, responsible—and Colton-- distracted, fierce, but deep—and truly beautiful Brooke—pirouetting, self-affirming, story telling/singing.  And then the others as they came along.  It was about what their futures held for them and how we could influence it by what we did today—together.

Which brings us to our journey, and our journey is the book. Generational Fathering is about our journey together in to the future we call our legacy; “ours” together.  We have many more ridges to ride, even at night, knowing our horses see way better than we do, so we’ll talk more.  We’ll say, “Wow!” a lot to simplify our stupification at the wondrous works of God we see, usually in grand vistas by day and stars multiplied in night’s dark skies as amplified by the seven to nine thousand foot mountains trails we venture in.   And we’ll always come back smiling our delight that we denied the hesitation to stay back and do our ride some other night.

 Into the Sunset? 

Yeah, because it is the nature of life and of the trust we have in each other.  Matt and Gary will be there for each other in the end, as will the children they delight in fathering-raising together. No good western could wind to a close without some version of riding off in to the sunset of peace-forever land.  That’s what we plan, riding off as saddlemates but one at a time as our time to ride the final trail home is called.  Gary will probably make sunset ridge first, whistling as he always seems to do.  It will be “Happy Trails” with the sun’s setting glinting off a tear or two as he knows of five children and their parents whose lives their following generations to come will have a positive effect on this world he said he was only a visitor to in the first place.  With special grace, Gary will swivel back in his saddle and survey the future.  He’ll see Matt and the new father, Taylor, or maybe it’ll be Brooke’s husband.  They’ll be riding off with a cigar and a beer for their very own journeys together, their legacy for the next and the next generation.