Putting things into perspective

Every year my family and I have taken the last week of July and first week of August off.  It is a time for me to rest and to plug back into my family and walk closer to the Lord.  There is this prayer tower that I like to go to along the Lake that is pictured here to the left.  This picture reminds me of several things and first and foremost is that I have to realize that no matter how much I think that things under control - I don't.  This picture reminds me that Jesus has it all - from begging to end.When I try to put my worries, my stresses or even my successes in front of God's will for my life - I stumble.  When I try to walk in His word and trust in him over everything I can see things culminate into a symphony of life that God has ordained for me.  To put it simply - He has it all.

What I love most about this picture is that it reminds me that no matter how much I love my wife, my son and my two daughters, that I cannot love them more than Jesus does.  He paid the ultimate price.  This doesn't mean that I wouldn't jump in front of a bus or run into a burning building or trade my life for my family, because I know in my heart and my mind and my body, soul and strength that I would.  That is not what matters here, because not only does God love my wife and children more than me, He sent His Son to die for me.  To raise from the dead and to now sit at His right hand.  Because of this, God has given me His Holy Spirit and calls me to a life of purity and righteousness for Him.  Jesus Christ's righteousness has been imputed in me - I am now as white as snow with God - thanks be to Jesus.

He loves me, oh how He loves me.  He died for me and His blood has covered me.

All praise and honor  and glory be to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

Blessings,

Dante

How to Build Your Kids’ Confidence in YOU, as a Parent

A few weeks ago, my wife and I were in our bedroom talking and our kids were in the room doing their own thing. The next thing we heard was, “Dad, can you come here!” from one of our sons. It didn’t sound like a panic, but there was a seriousness to the tone of his voice.

This Post Comes From:

I could tell he was very concerned about something. I’ve heard that tone before, and typically he doesn’t say what it is he needs, but I know to come and see what’s going on. When I got to the room, it wasn’t an emergency, and most of those instances it’s not. It wasn’t even really a big deal…to us. But to him it was pretty serious, and he needed help.

After resolving the problem, my wife and I began to talk about it, I began to ask myself some questions, and I discovered some things that I believe can help us build our kids’ confidence in us as parents.

Why call out to Dad?

One of the first questions I pondered was why do my kids call me, their dad, about 90% of the time in those situations? Very rarely do they call out to their mom in “serious” situations like that.

We even noticed that our youngest son walks past my wife’s side of the bed and comes to my side of the bed in the middle of the night when he has to use the bathroom. He doesn’t ask me to get up and take him, he just lets me know he’s going to the bathroom. I used to get upset about my sleep being interrupted, but then we figured it out.

We discovered it’s a little scary for him being up alone in the middle of the night, in total darkness. So, he wants me to know he’s awake, and he wants to know I’m awake, in case something happens and he needs me. He’s looking for my protection.

There is no doubt

When our oldest son calls out, what we notice is he has not one ounce of doubt that I’ll come. His tone says it. There is no panic, there is no need for explanation. “Dad, can you come here!” Once I hear that tone, I’m there!

I’d like to say this is because I’ve always responded to his call, but I’m sure there has been a time or two when I didn’t respond, at least not immediately. I think this is part of the reason, but not all of it.

 [shareable]Your track record of being there says to your kids, ‘I’m here for you!’ -Jackie Bledsoe[/shareable]

My track record, my history says to my kids, “I’m here for you.” But I also think, my kids just believe this is what dads do. But where does this belief come from? How do you develop a track record that says to your kids, “my dad will be here when I need him?” That’s how we give our kids confidence in us as parents.

5 ways to give our kids confidence in us as parents:

1. Say I love you. This seems obvious, but it can sometimes be forgotten. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking “my kids know I love them, so I don’t need to say it.” That’s wrong thinking. Saying “I love you” regularly, and not just when they do something worth loving, assures them you really do. It gives them confidence in themselves, and confidence in you.
2. Play with your kids. With the level of organized sports and activities today, it’s easy to be so busy that “play” becomes work. But nothing can replace just playing with them for fun. Playing in the yard, playing board games (or even video games), playing “rhyme time” (one of our favorites), or anything else you can think of. Your relationship grows deeper each time you play, and so does their confidence in you.
3. Work with your kids. At one point I was the primary teacher for our daughter. This is not typical as most moms handle the education, especially in homeschooling families. But for the first two years that our daughter was homeschooled I was her teacher. We formed a bond, grew our relationship and deepened our confidence in each other. Doing chores and yard work can provide the same benefit of giving your kids confidence in you.
4. Protect your kids. There are some obvious ways to protect your kids, like running off a dog, keeping them from running into a busy street, or holding them up while learning to ride their bike. But I believe one of the best forms of protection is praying for and with them. For my kids, although I’m pretty cool, tough, and bad in their eyes (their words, not mine…maybe), and I tell them “I know everything because I’m a dad,” they know I have limitations. But there is one Dad (God) who doesn’t have limitations. Knowing I speak to Him on their behalf, and we speak to Him together, gives them a level of peace, and confidence that they can’t get from anything else.
5. Discipline your kids. While it’s not always fun, disciplining your kids will yield great benefits and give them confidence in you. In fact, neglecting to discipline your kids can actually be detrimental to them. The Book of Proverbs says, young people are prone to foolishness and fads; the cure comes through tough-minded discipline.

Building confidence takes consistency

It’s good to do the things listed above once or twice, but it’s great to do them consistently. That consistency is what gives my son the confidence that when he needs me, when he calls out to me, that I will be there for him. He believes it because I’ve done it in so many other ways.

Imagine what will happen when we regularly say “I love you” to our kids, and our actions show it…

Imagine what will happen when you, I, and all the other dads who read this post consistently say “I love you” to our kids. Consistently play with them. Regularly work with them and protect them. And love them enough to be consistent in our discipline.

Imagine the confidence our kids will have in us today, while living in our household, and even after they’ve become adults and left our homes to start their own families. As we do this, we’ll have stronger relationships with our kids, and stronger families.

This is a repost from Jackie Bledsoe at http://jackiebledsoe.com/how-to-build-your-kids-confidence-in-you-as-a-parent/

Please check out his site and more of his great content!

Sons and Daughters

Psalm 144:12English Standard Version (ESV)¹² May our sons in their youthbe like plants full-grown,our daughters like corner pillarscut for the structure of a palace;

As we move through Scripture through the days of our lives we realize that there truly is no clear way to spell out God's manual for raising our kids.  I mean, to say, that you can't just go to one book or one chapter of the Bible and get a step by step way to raise your children the way that God wants you to raise them.  However, as you read through the Bible (over and over should be our posture) as this is a life-giving manual, then you can see may different applications that are true precepts and statutes for us to learn and submit and obey (and then we are instructed to teach our children).

This is a very serious call for a parent.  If we miss this, we miss our mission field that God has given us authority over.  There are a lot of studies that give us varying degrees of how to raise a child, but there are so many different parenting styles and God has made each of us uniquely.  Add to that, when you have a husband and a wife in union with God' covenant marriage, we are called (as dads) to be prophets, priests and kings of our homes.

Here are some non-negotiable applications, as parents, that we all have to do:

• Pray for our children
• Pray for their spouses and spouses families
• Live by the Bible
• Practice what we preach
• Make our faith real to them
• Allow our children to fail (to lose) and to understand loss
• Trust the Lord (he has them)
• Be there for them as much as we possibly can (this thing of quality over quantity is horse rubbish - it should be quantity with quality wrapped inside of the quantity)
• Read scripture with them
• Teach them to memorize scripture (thereby which, we have to memorize scripture)
• Tell them stories of the Bible and life applications when devotions come (how does this text become relevant in our lives)

When my wife was sick and in the hospital for 6 days the first year and the 3 days for the second year I found myself in one of the worst trials and tribulations of my life.  I found myself praying more and more and relying more and more on God's will for my life.  I was angry, sad, mad, depressed, stressed and every possible emotion you can imagine.   I read the Book of Job a lot during this time.

If you remember that God allowed Satan to test Job by taking away his wealth and health and children.  His wife and friends thought he did something in his life and accused him instead of being there for him:  Comforting him, encouraging him and urging him to live a life worthy of God.  His wife, at one point, said to him to curse God and die!?!  Those were tough times for Job and when you think that things cannot get any worse - they do!

Job, however, knew something that not every person does:  There is a Redeemer.  There is a mediator between God and man and His name is Jesus.  Job had not met this Redeemer, BUT he knew that He lives!  That is pretty cool and that sustained me during my trials and tribulations with my wife.  In the end, we learn that God is in control and that nothing happens without God ordaining them.

As we are all different people from different walks and different talks in life, we realize that when we getting married in a biblical marriage (a covenant marriage) we realize that there are not just one sinner but two sinners coming together to make one flesh and who have little sinners that we are called to raise and train up in the Lord.  Understand the math: 1 sinner + 1 sinner = more sinners.  We are all broken and in need of a Savior.  God understands our weaknesses and daily struggles and Jesus left us the Holy Spirit.  Our bodies are a temple of the living God - we are called to be holy.

This past weekend, my wife and I had the pleasure to go to a wedding (Friday - dinner rehearsal, Saturday the wedding) and spend time with this family that we love.  The bride was our baby sitter with our kids for over 10 years.  She (and her two brothers) are different from most families.   They are real with their faith.  They love God and the church.  They are teachable and humble.    My wife and I felt that at any given time we could have literally left our kids with this you adult for a week, a month and or a year (not that we would) and that she could manage very well.  Our children adore her and the older two had to go and see the wedding ceremony.

One of these days, my wife and I are going to do dinner with her parents and pick their brains for a few hours and then we are going to have all three children (young woman and two young men) over for dinner and interview them about their parents and ask them what their parent did that has their faith so real (but this will be for another post).

We may not all have the same parenting training manual but there are things that we should do consistently for sons and things we should do consistently for daughters as legacy dads.

For Sons:

• Do not lie to them
• Teach them the values of Honor, Courtesy, Integrity, Self-control, Perseverance, Courage and Community
• Be real in our faith with them (struggles, fears, wrongdoings and repentance)
• Model love for them (with our children and with our wives)
• Teach them Scripture (read and memorize with them)
• Teach them how to treat women (not just by words but by action)
• Teach them the importance of purity (from this world, media and others around)
• Teach them how to pray (pray with them)
• Play with them (toys, games, board games, go see movies, fish, sports - just don't make things an idol before God)
• Give them hugs, kisses and your time

For Daughters:

• Do not lie to them
• Teach them the values of Honor, Courtesy, Integrity, Self-control, Perseverance, Courage and Community
• Be real in our faith with them (struggles, fears, wrongdoings and repentance)
• Model love for them (with our children and with our wives)
• Teach them Scripture (read and memorize with them)
• Teach them how to treat men (not just by words but by action - honor their moms and encourage them to follow her lead)
• Teach them the importance of purity (from this world, media and others around)
• Teach them how to pray (pray with them)
• Play with them (toys, games, board games, go see movies, fish, sports - just don't make things an idol before God)
• Give them hugs, kisses and your time

In everything that we do either as individuals or parents, first seek the Kingdom of God.  Second ask for His will and third lean on His understanding and not our own.  When in doubt - pray!  In all things, strive to make your faith real (this requires a real prayer life and the daily reading of the Word).

Blessings,

Dante

The 5 W's

Many of  you have heard me quote the poem, The 5 Watches, from time to time over the past eight years of being involved with Lance and this blog.  Lance and I do believe that Character, Integrity, Honor, Courage, Honesty, Gentleness, Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness and Self-Control are important to being a Legacy Dad.  It is important because that is the call of the disciple of Christ.Many of us, do to the the lack of time, over-commitments, laziness and/or fill in your blank: _________________, do not always measure up to these demands and some may even feel overwhelmed by the God's call for our lives.  I think if we are honest and really reflect back, I would believe that a majority of us would realize the answer:  It's not because God couldn't do this for us, rather, because we got in the way - we tried to do it on our own.  That is, to say, that we gave him a little of our day (our schedule, our sin, and our lives) but we didn't give it all to him.

The poem that I often quote is this:

Watch your thoughts,

for they become words.

Watch your words,

for they become actions.

Watch your actions,

for they become habits.

Watch your habits,

for they become your character.

Watch your character,

for it becomes your destiny.

How about the 5 W's of the Christian Walk:

• Who do we worship?  (God or god(s) defined as idols that take our attention from who we should worship:  God
• What do our lives tell others what our priorities our?
• Where does our faith belong (where is it currently?  do you have faith in God?)
• When do we believe God (does he really mean His will be done, His abundant life for us?)
• Why should we serve God His way and not ours (not when we want, not how we want, but instead reading His word and serving Him the way that He requires in all of our lives)

What can we do to change our perspective our religion?  When I say our religion, I am defining it as this:  Our religion is that which is what we only take away from reading the Bible (meaning if there is somethings that convicts us or causes us the desire to repent and we ignore that part).  Our religion being defined as we are allowing ourselves to serve both the world (and our own special interests) and God instead of serving him in all that we do.  Our religion being defined as when it is convenient for to serve Him and others instead of when He wants us to serve.

Pure religion in the eyes of the Father is that which looks after widows and orphans and turns away from the ways of this world.  God's religion is for us to Trust in the Lord with all of our hearts, to lean not on our own understanding, but to acknowledge Him in all of our ways.  And He will make our paths straight.

What about you?

Blessings,

Dante

The Hunt for Easter

Apostles' Creed

I believe in God, the Father almighty,

      creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,

      who was conceived by the Holy Spirit

      and born of the virgin Mary.

      He suffered under Pontius Pilate,

      was crucified, died, and was buried;

      he descended to hell.

      The third day he rose again from the dead.

      He ascended to heaven

      and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty.

      From there he will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

      the holy catholic* church,

      the communion of saints,

      the forgiveness of sins,

      the resurrection of the body,

      and the life everlasting. Amen.

God loves us so much that He gave His only Son for us.  Even though Jesus was both man and God, he faced all the temptations, trials and tribulations that we face every day.  Not only did He face them, He succeeded them and lived a perfect life.  Thus, a perfect sacrifice was made to atone for our sins once and for all.  Our debt (of sin) has been paid.  If we admit that we our sinners (and in need of a Savior) and believe in our hearts that Jesus Christ was born of a virgin, lived on this earth 33 years (no historian disputes this) and was crucified and rose again on the third day (we are celebrating His resurrection on Easter Sunday) and confess with our mouths and ask Jesus Christ in our hearts. then you will be saved.

Why is Easter Sunday important to us?  Because He lives.  He is risen.  He now sits at the right hand of God advocating on behalf of us to the Father.

Happy Easter!  He has risen, indeed!!!

[youtube id="9-z9k_qUHOc"]

Blessings,

Dante & Lance

What is good about good habits?

Phrases like "creatures of habit", "practice makes perfect", and so on, should continue to highlight the theme in our daily walks and biblical discipleship.  All throughout the Bible we read about a God who takes the time to invest in ordinary men and does extraordinary things with them.  Does He need us to do his will?  Of course not!  Does He desire to use us for His good?  Of course!  Words like grace and mercy and justification and honor and integrity and courage should all be words that describe you as a legacy dad, as a man of God, as a disciple of Jesus Christ.There is a poem that I like from Frank Outlaw that goes like this:

“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

If accept this poem as true in human nature, then we have to be careful and watch our habits because that could shape our character.  That being said, I was surfing the internet and found this chart (inset to the right) that I really liked.  The reason why I like this is because you can apply it to just about every aspect of our life:

Physical:

• Eat Healthy
• Sleep Healthy
• excercise
• Laugh
• Love
• and be social (God desires us to be in community)

Mental:

• Exercise the Brain by reading and writing
• Healthy Sleep
• Have accountability in your life (to keep you on the road of healthy thoughts)
• Avoid sin
• Laugh

Spiritual:

• Read the word daily
• Pray continuously
• Have accountability in your life (true accountability - not just a social hour of patting each other on the back)
• Listen to preaching and teaching of the Word
• Sing Songs, Hymns and Spiritual songs (with reckless abandon and act is no one else is watching but our Lord)

As a men's ministry leader, elder, legacy dad and husband and father, I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I witness men getting out of healthy habits (routines) and how they are able to slip back into sin so quickly.  Or other men, who shoot up so strong in their faith and yet fade away when temptations or anger sets in.  Or men that have marriages that are barely holding on and instead of letting go and letting God they hold on tight to mediocrity?  Honestly, sometimes this can be frustrating, and if I am really honest about this, then the frustrating part becomes when I realize that the very thing that annoys me about them - really annoys me because I can identify with that - meaning I can shift and fade quickly as well.

Jesus put it like this in Scripture:

Matthew 13 English Standard Version (ESV)

The Parable of the Sower

13 That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea. 2 And great crowds gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat down. And the whole crowd stood on the beach. 3 And he told them many things in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. 4 And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. 5 Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, 6 but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. 7 Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. 8 Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. 9 He who has ears,[a] let him hear.”

The Parable of the Sower Explained

18 “Hear then the parable of the sower: 19 When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. 20 As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, 21 yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away.[b] 22 As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. 23 As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.”

Some may come to the Judgement Seat of Christ and say, "Lord, Lord" and Jesus will reply depart from me, I never knew you.  Scripture is clear that we are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.  Don't misunderstand this reference because someone who is truly saved (born again) is always saved (Once saved, always saved - Read John for this one).   Immediately upon salvation, the Holy Spirit dwells within each of us and promises to us gifts of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness and Self-Control....

We are called to examine ourselves to see if we are still in the faith?  Or if we ever were?  Are you?  Is your life-bearing the Fruit of the Spirit?

What if you are not?  What if you are in the same rut, sin, shame every day?    If you are not and all you see is the fruit of the Sinful nature, then pray and ask God to call you to be His (Read Romans 10).

If you are, but are slipping backward or finding yourself along the thorns of life, the rocks of life and or just away from the good soil, then try this on for size:

Cue:

• Wake up an hour earlier
• Wait on the Lord
• Be patient and quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry

Routine:

• Read the Bible daily
• Meditate on the word
• Join a men's group
• Have accountability in your life
• Get involved with your family (put the phones, computers, video games and alcohol down)
• Start serving at your church

Reward:

• Try this for 6 months (same cue, same routine) and email me (dante@legacydad.com) to tell me your reward.

Blessings,

Dante

What should the top 6 + 1 priorities be?

Earlier last week, I posted What are your top 6 priorities?  I listed, in any order:  Family, community, work, church, friends and God.  One other person, that I respect, amended this list and added Self.  I asked you to do some honest work on assessing this in your life with your spouse and yourself and what you thought that the Bible would say about this list.As a result, I am listing the following order of what I believe the Bible tells us that our priorities should be:

1. God - Jesus said, when asked by the leaders of Israels time, what is the greatest commandment, Jesus said to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength (and the second, to love our neigbhor as our self.)
2. Self - some may argue with this one, but I would like to contend the following verses:  1 Corinthians 6:19-20, 3 John 1:2, Romans 12:1-2, 1 Peter 5:7-9.  Our bodies are a temple to God (His Holy Spirit resides in each of us that are born again).  How can we help others when we are not well?  How can we show Christ in us, when we do not treat our bodies, mind and soul with this respect that God calls us to be.
3. Family - as legacy dads we are called to be prophets, priests and kings of our household.  Ephesians 5 tells us to love our wives as Christ loves the church.  Colossians 3 gives us important details about the family:  Love our wives and do not be harsh with them, do not embitter our children.  Deuteronomy 6 tells of how we are to raise our children.  Family is our direct mission field.
4. Friends - we are to love our neighbor as our self.  Who is your neighbor and why are we called to take care of our friends?  Our life should model Christ and point our friends to church.
5. Church - can really be included under friends.  In church, we are called to corporate worship and to listen to the reading of scripture.  We are called be the body (working together) to go and reach the disconnected growing the connected and making disciples.
6. Work - King Solomon, in the book of Ecclesiastes, tells us that life is but a mist.  We are to work hard, enjoy life and to give all that we have to our maker.  Without him in our life - it is pointless.  Colossians 4 tells us how to approach work and to realize who we are working for.
7. Community - lining up #1 - #6 gives us the importance of our mission field in our neighborhoods, towns, cities, states and nations.  Mathew 28 gives us the Lord's commission - The Great Commission.

This is my two sense (cents).

Blessings,

Dante

Why I do a daddy-daughter(s) dance...

[youtube id="nrWMBC6yoME"]For the past several years in February of each year I have the pleasure to take my two daughters to the ball (aka "Daddy Daughter Dance").  This past year was a blast because I went with a really good friend (who I just came back from vacation with - adults only) and really enjoyed our time getting to know each other and building our friendship.  We both decided on vacation to step up the dinner to a fancy place - and our girls really enjoyed themselves as did we.

We took pictures, the girls ate cake, drank juice and had candy along the night and would not stop dancing with their dads throughout the entire night.  I think it is really important for dads to date their daughters for many reasons.  I think it is important to treat their mother the way that you want them to be treated.  I think, as Legacy Dads we could not have a more challenging task then to raise our kids to know the truth (owning the word of God and having a relationship with Jesus) along with life skills.

So hear are the top 10 reasons why you should date your daughters:

1. They need to learn how a man should treat a woman (with respect and adoration)
2. They need to have our time (not just quality but as much quantity, hugs, kisses and full attention we can give them (men - put your stupid phones away when you date them)
3. Teach them how to dance (if you don't make it up, woman love a man who doesn't care what others think when they are having a good time)
4. Show them how to open a door for them and to pull out their seats before they sit down (Chivalry in my house is well and alive)
5. Hugs and Kisses and Butterfly Kisses, as well
6. Because when you are intentional with the love that they so crave from you (as dad) you will see a glimmer of hope and awe in their eyes - see the picture for proof)
7. They are watching you, your walk, your talk, your integrity and your relationship with God (is your faith real)
8. Do not be afraid to chase their hearts (pursue their hopes and dreams and listen to what they are saying
9. To give them the sense of security (dad is in control)\
10. To show them the love of God

Life is precious and before you know it - they will be gone

Blessings,

Dante