Why settle for mediocrity...

As an men's ministry leader, an Elder, I can tell you that I have walked with a lot of men in their walks:  Struggles with personal sin, struggles in their walks, struggles in their prayer life and struggles in their quiet time with God.The one theme that really rubs a chord with me (not anger but in sympathy) is that of men who find themselves in a marriage that is barely on life support or has been dead for several years.

Common stresses to marriage:

• Lack of honesty
• Selfishness
• Keeping Score
• Anger
• Unfaithfulness (this could be physical, emotional and or psychological)
• Finances
• Men neglecting their role as Spiritual leaders
• Lack of support
• ____________ (fill in your blanks)

Whatever the cause, the effect is unavoidable if we leave it uncured.  For instance, how many of you (guys) if you were concerned about your health or the doctor told you that you had to change something in your life (exercise, diet, proper daily care) wouldn't do that in a heart beat.  For instance, almost 9 years ago I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma.  It was discovered by my nephew on my back.  Left untreated and undiscovered, I would not have been here blogging this entry today.  I changed my lifestyle (sun exposure, skin-care, suntanning lotion and the like).

Almost 5 years ago (and then 4 years ago) I almost lost my wife.  She had some health complications that almost lead her to renal failure - that was an unbelievable time for me and still leaves a lasting impression on my life and on my marriage (a reminder of how important she is to me - to my family and to God).

So then, this begs the question of why do we know so many people who settle for a mediocre marriage?  Through this journey of Legacydad and through my own personal relations, I cannot begin to tell you how many marriages are in trouble - so how can we re-direct this:

• Before marriage, seek a bible-believing marriage ministry and get some pre-marriage counseling (this will give you the realities in life and some personal experiences of those who traveled these roads before you)
• In marriage, seek other couples who have strong marriages and healthy boundaries (get accountability in your life and ask your wife to get accountability in her life)
• Before you deal with your wife's problems (trying to fix her) deal with yours
• Read these following verses:  Genesis 2:18, Ephesians 4:2-3, Proverbs 17:14, 1 Peter 3:1-7 and Ephesians 5:22-33.
• Get involved in a Men's bible study (get accountability)
• If you are struggling, join a genuine bible based Celebrate Recovery progam (you cannot do this alone)
• Surrender (if you know Jesus as Savior) then repent and turn and ask for the Holy Spirit's guidance
• Listen

What if you took these steps?  What if you actually read your bible daily?  What if you got involved with other men in a bible study and/or a Celebrate Recovery program?  What if your wife noticed these changes and eventually started to deal with her stuff and the two of you took a comatose marriage and turned it into a vibrant Christ-centered marriage?  What would that look like to you?  Would this be above your wildest dreams?

If you put God first in your life, He can do all things!  Believe in Him, after all, he sent his only Son to die for our sins and to take our sins away (from the past, present and future).

Don't settle, Don't give-up, trust and obey for there is no other way!

Blessings,

Dante

The Pinterest Generation

As my wife and I are working diligently after we put the kids to bed, after we worked on Christmas gift-wrapping and catching up on filing and the whole lot, I decided to ask my wife some questions:  What do you think women struggle must with.  The answer(s) surprised me, well, not really.  But what it did give me was some deeper insight into the everyday lives of our wives and mothers of our children.  Here it goes:

• You can never get it done
• You can never have the time to give your all to everything
• You can never do enough
• True friendships can be difficult
• Feeling adequate enough
• Never have time for yourself
• Constant worry about not screwing up with our kids
• Comparison - (we live in a Pinterest generation)

I want to start this post out on the last one - the Pinterest Generation.  When we think about it, this does not just apply to our wives (the mothers of our children) this really applies to all of us - we, even in our best intentions, still find ourselves comparing each other.  The Pinterest generation finds us comparing each other in how we do everything and some doing it better and better and more and more and faster and faster.  Let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong with Pinterest, Facebook, Social Media in general and Media in general.  As long as we keep our priorities straight and do these things in moderation - meaning, we don't make them our gods.  That being said, how do we survive in a world that continues to do it better and better and more and more and faster and faster - how can we keep up?  How can we cope?  Oh my goodness, I am getting stressed and worked up just thinking about all these things.

First of all, if you are a spouse and a parent like me, then you realize that about 9 out of 10 times you are exhausted.  You are, to say the least, fatigued.  So how do we get our priorities straight?  How can we even remotely find biblical contentment?  How can we let go and let God drive our lives daily:

1. Let's start with prayer - "not my will be done, Lord, YOUR WILL BE DONE....
2. Have a safe, non-judge-mental (guys - this doesn't mean we try and fix it during the talk) conversation with our spouse.  This means raw honesty, success and failures, short-comings and where are we going with this tomorrow, next week, 1 year, 5 years...
3. Pray some more
4. Have an honest talk with our accountability partners (for me, this is with my men of faith (men's group), my accountability partners (Bob, Charlie, Dave, Bob and Jim) - be honest with our short-comings and what we need to be accountable with (things we need to work on...).  For women, this means your ladies, women's group, small group (ladies)...etc.,
5. If we don't have those relationships - pray for them
6. Read Scripture daily - meditate, prayer time, quiet time to listen for God's voice in our daily lives
7. Pray some more
8. Stop comparing - God made us!  We are fearfully and wonderfully made - he didn't make any mistakes when he created us
9. Make healthy choices - sleep, diet, exercise, mental exercise (read), less media inputs (less idols) and more God-time
10. Journal

The hardest part about life is trying to be someone or something that you aren't.  Simply said, we have to learn our strengths and our weaknesses and to be real with them.  For instance, when you look at community (church, social clubs, events and so on) you see a few people doing so much that they are effectively becoming ineffective.  I don't want you to take that wrong - God looks at our heart.  I love when people serve!  That is a call to being a disciple of Christ.  What I mean is this:  What if, instead of trying to do everything and just being okay or above average on all the things we try to do, we try to learn our gift set (spiritual gifts) and use those in the best and most efficient way to give to God out of the thankfulness of our heart for all he has done for us...

What if we learned what God means by being biblically content:  Philippians 4:11-13; 1 Timothy 6: 6-11.

• With God, we can do all things
• Without God, these things are all fruitless
• With God, we can take his paths that He will make straight
• Without God's direction we can face ruin and calamity
• With God, we can let him love, protect and care and raise our children
• Without God, we will see the fruit of our labor in our children (will they take our faith seriously without God
• With God, we can rest in Him because his yoke is easy
• Without God we can count on burning out

In all things, seek His Will and His way through his Word (Jesus Christ).  I like it said like this:

Colossians 3:17

English Standard Version (ESV)

¹⁷ And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

More to say, more to do, and more to lean on God and not my own understanding.

Your thoughts?

Dante

Dads, you don't need a manual, rather, you need Immanuel

Dad's, Men of Faith, Countrymen (those of us who are adopted sons of God)....I may have referenced an old TV show called the Greatest American Hero.  It had two men that were walking thru life together, one was a government employee while the other found the suit.  They both lost the manual that explained how to use the suit to be a superhero, so they had to have trials and tribulations along the way to use the suit.  Some times I feel like we try to do that in our spiritual lives along with our everyday work lives.  That is, we are trying to figure out the secret to life and to be the best dad, the best husband, the best men that the world has.  The trying is clearly altruistic, but the way we get there is flawed.  What I mean to say is that we have to change our trajectory.  We have to re-set our sights in order to be the marksmen that God calls us to be.  WE have to set our targets on the One whom all blessings flow - Jesus Christ.Dads, we don't need a manual, rather, we need Immanuel.  Matthew 1:22-23, (ESV) "²² All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: ²³ “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,     and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us)."  For those of us that profess Jesus Christ as Lord, then we have Immanuel - God is with us!  His Holy Spirit is in us!  What more could we ask for.  He gave us his Word, The Bible.  If we set our sights on Him and we focus on His words for our lives then we can reclaim that which God gives us - his storehouse of blessings and love beyond belief.

This afternoon I had coffee with a great friend of mine, who is also an Elder with me at our church.  A lot of times we just share and talk about life and its pings and pangs along the way.  He holds me accountable (along with a few others in my life).  I like that.  Today, he told me that he was worried about me last week and that he was waiting to ask me what was going on.  I love that.  I love that he noticed something about me and wasn't going to let me go at it alone.  That is why God calls us to go 2x2 in ministry.  Not to do this alone, as Lance so eloquently put it in this past post.  God has a plan for us.  A plan not to harm us, but to prosper us.  Please note that I am not talking about riches and wealth in worldly terms (as some might do), rather, I am talking about the abundant life that he promises to those who love and obey him.

I think a lot of problems that we, as Christians have, is that we forget Immanuel and try to make up our own manual.  Thereby making our lives and our agenda our gods (small "g").  We need to give up these scrawny manuals and give in to God's Immanuel for each and every one of our lives.

Where can you start:

1.  Read his word EVERYDAY (commit to it today)

2. Join a bible believing, Holy Spirit filled Church and Serve

3. Get involved in a men's group and/or Mini-Church

4.  Give up your manual and accept God's Immanuel

5.  _______________________  (what are some of your places to start and work through?)

Blessings,

Dante

Lone Ranger Syndrome

Like most men, I love games, movies and stories of the lone hero.  The Lone Survivor, The Lone Ranger, The Game Winner.1 second left on the clock, the game is tied and the opposing team is trying to kick a field goal from 56 yards away to win the game and seal their victory run to the Championships.  You're in the end zone waiting and watching.  The ball is snapped, the kick is up and it's short of the uprights.  You catch the ball and run...

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The problem with my image is that behind every Lone Survivor and every Game Winner is usually a team or squad of men and women who support us, encourage us and often push us beyond our comfort zones.  Although, they are often not seen when we reach the winners circle.

I grew up watching John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Arnold and Stallone.  They'd HALO jump behind enemy lines or ride into town all by themselves and then take on the Mongol Hordes single-handed without ever reloading their guns!!  It makes for great Hollywood.

The problem lays when we take this Hollywood image and try to apply it to our lives, especially our spiritual walks.

Dante has been giving you a great synopsis of our time at the recent Act Like Men Conference in Indianapolis. We met some great men, many Legacy Dad supporters and heard some powerful talks from some of today's leading Pastors. But I came home depressed, frustrated and feeling isolated.  That weekend, I sat side by side with 12,600 men who were passionate about leading our lives for Christ and being the spiritual leaders of our homes, churches and communities.  But when I came home, my Band of Brothers was gone and I was back to being a Lone Ranger.

One of my biggest failures in recent years is that I have not had an active group of men to walk in life and faith with.

I've had surrogate brothers and distance mentors but my home church lacked a strong Men's Ministry and therefore most of us men were going about life alone. No brothers in arms. No mentors. No Accountability. No one challenging me spiritually.

I could blame the church for not providing this resource or blame myself for not seeking a group but the real issue at hand is that men need other men to walk in Christ with.  We need a team, a squad, a coach and a Ranger Buddy - someone who always is with you and has your back.

Why We Need Other Men.

Accountability offers men the opportunity to discuss with other men our setbacks, failings and problems. Admitting that you were wrong about something is rarely an easy task, but doing it with other men shows courage.  99% of the time, some other men have in the past or our currently having the same issues as you.  Bringing our issues into the open allows healing, mentorship and course correction and by holding each other accountable for your actions, you and your fellow-men will be able to overcome together the trials that you may have difficulty overcoming alone.  A sign of maturity is a man willing to admit his mistakes and ask for help.

Discipleship offers men the chance to discuss the Bible, our walks with Christ and most important - Life Application of the Word.  Discipleship allows you to learn and walk with Christ through the stories, struggles and experiences of others.  Reading and meditating on the Word alone is good practice but it is also good practice to discuss the Word with different people, especially those of different genders, ages, backgrounds and life experiences.  However, we must always remember that true discipleship and spiritual maturity does not come from exhaustive head knowledge or simple academic study.  True discipleship and spiritual maturity comes from taking ACTION in our lives and ultimately creating greater trust and faith in God and His plan.

Mentorship. Pick up any biography of anyone who was ever anything and you will most likely find a mentor in that person's life. There are some life lessons, advice and bits wisdom that only a man can impart to another man.  It used to be that this wisdom was handed from father to son or from other influential men.  But many men today never had that experience early in life. Therefore, men need to seek other men for guidance on how to navigate life.  I've had both positive and negative mentors in my life; some taught me to chase money, success and personal fame.  Others taught me to be humble, courageous and self-sacrificing.  I believe we need multiple mentors in our life: Spiritual, Professional, Relational and Emotional and at least one Sage.  While mentors can come in all ages and flavors based on life experience, the Sage is the grey hair, silver back with years of wear and tear and experience in his tool belt.  GT was our Sage here at Legacy Dad.

TBL - (The Bottom Line) While Hollywood glorifies the Lone Ranger and there certainly are times in life when we will have to walk alone, men running in packs is far more effective (insert your Hangover Movie joke here).  My realization is that while I can walk the earth alone like David Carradine in Kung Fu, ultimately this is detrimental to my personal growth, walk with Christ and spiritual discipleship.  I can move much farther, faster by harnessing the power of an accountable group of men. Men who can challenge me, men who can mentor me, men who keep me accountable and men to walk through life and faith with.  Besides, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.

A bored man in the house is a very dangerous thing...

Are you bored?  Does your life have purpose?  Are you being a good steward with your time, talent and treasures?  Or do you find yourself bored with Life, Work and your Existence?As I continue to process and reflect on the recent ActLikeMen conference that they had in Indianapolis, IN,  one statement that was made by one of Speakers was, "A bored man at home is a very dangerous thing."  This is true on so many levels that I decided to do some searching through Scripture on this:  2 Timothy 2:22  ESV “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”  2 Timothy 2:15  ESV “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.”

Some Causes of Boredom:

1) Over stimulated (television, computers, social media, travel-clubs, activities that take us away from fellowship and community with God)

2) Avoidance - (we disconnect and avoid being committed to a relationship, to a job and to friends)

3) Under Committed (we do not follow through with our relationships with 1) God 2) Our Spouse 3) Our Children 4) Our Church 5) Our careers 6) Our neighbors)

4) Too Busy

5) Lack of Conviction

6) No Contentment

7) No identity

When I think about this statement I came to the realization that I am a father of three young children ranging from 6 to 10 years of age.  As an active man, I find myself being very active in work, church and community (between being a husband, father, elder, men's ministry leader, friend, partner so many more facets in my life).  I used to feel really guilty about being tired and feeling like I cannot keep up with the daily jaunts of this life, however, at the conference, I find that it is good for a man (spiritual leader) to be the tired.  That means that we are doing our job as long as we can:  1) Put God first 2) We read his Word daily 3) We pray 4) we have accountability 5) We engage our family 6) We continue to pursue  our  wives and children.  Does this mean that we always get these priorities straight?  What if we are just beginning this journey to turn it around?

Do not be discouraged no matter what.  Your identity is no longer in yourself (if you profess the name of the Lord Jesus), rather, you are a son of God.  We are all adopted and engrafted into his family.  Do not buy the lies of society.  Read and learn and memorize the word of God.  Our hope is not in the things of this world.  Our hope is in our God.  So if you read this and you find yourself bored then take action.  Get off the couch and stop just being (settling), instead realize that God has a purpose for each of us.

STARTING POINT:

1) Check your attitude at the door (we are not here to serve ourselves and our wants and our treasure, we are hear to use of gifts of time, talent and treasure to honor God and to serve Jesus)

2) Change your attitude

• Say goodbye to the ideology that you can't
• Say goodbye to the ideology that you are too tired
• Say hello to the word "yes" with your wife and kids
• Say hello to spending more and more time with your wife and kids instead of doing what you want to do
• Say hello to your second shift (serve your wife and family - be the spiritual leader that God calls us to be)

3) Live each day like it is your last

4) Be thankful for the gifts that God has given us as men (borrowed from the move The Ultimate Gift)

• Gift of Work
• Gift of Money
• Gift of Friends
• Gift of Learning
• Gift of Problems
• Gift of Family
• Gift of Laughter
• Gift of Dreams
• Gift of Giving
• Gift of Gratitude
• Gift of a day
• Gift of Love

5) Be passionate

• About God
• About Jesus
• About The Spirit
• About your wife
• About your kids
• About your church
• About your work
• About your friends
• About your neighbors
• About your community

6) Persevere

• James 1 (ESV) Greeting 1 James, a servant^[a] of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion: Greetings.

  Testing of Your Faith ² Count it all joy, my brothers,^[b] when you meet trials of various kinds, ³ for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ⁴ And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

  ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ⁶ But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

  ⁹ Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, ¹⁰ and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass^[c] he will pass away. ¹¹ For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

  ¹² Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. ¹³ Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. ¹⁴ But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. ¹⁵ Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

  ¹⁶ Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. ¹⁷ Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.^{[d] 18} Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.

7) Live by these words:

• Ecclesiastes 9:10 (ESV) ¹⁰ Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might,^[a]for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going."  
• Colossians 3:17 (ESV) ¹⁷ And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

8) Finish Well - live life so that when you die you will hear our Savior say, "well done thou good and faith servant!"

What are some of your thoughts on this?

Let us know,

D

1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I was Youtube-ing various episodes on lions and the way that they attack.  There was this one hunting group that was tracking a lion to hunt and kill and soon these hunters become the hunted, that is the lion crossed their tracks and started hunting them.  As they were walking through the thick brush they didn't see the ensuing lion barely 25 yards in front of them waiting.  In my opinion, if these hunters weren't together in a pack of men (call this accountability) I would highly doubt that the hunter would have gotten off the fatal shot that prevented him from being fatally wounded.

The Actlikemen conference really used a few catch words that grabbed my attention: 1) references to lion (sin in our lives and in our houses) and 2) legacy.  Both of these phrases really inspired me to post on a few pointed topics through the conference.

This lead me to think about life as a man.  So many of us want to prove things in our lives:  Are we man enough?  Can we be the provider?  Do are wives look up to us?  Am I the Man?  Am I better then them?  Have a made enough money? These would be things that are secular and worldly but still creep into the church today (old self vs new self).  Then there is the Spiritual search:  Am I doing what God wants me to do?  How do I know what God wants me to do?  Am I the Spiritual Leader that God called me to be?  How can I keep sinning if I am a born-again Christian?

Let's take a look at two references to the Lion in our life:

Step 1:  The devil prowls around like a roaring lion waiting to devour someone.  (1 Peter 5:8).  This lion reference is against a fallen angel of God.  One who Jesus refers to the liar of all liars.  He would want nothing more then to see us isolated and weak and caught in sin (or sin's snare) so he could devour us.  Ephesians 6:12 says, "12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

• Put on the Armor of God daily - Ephesians 6.  Don't take this lightly.  Spiritual warfare is real and is ongoing 24/7.  The devil and his minions do not rest.
• Believe in Jesus's work on the cross - Jesus was born of a virgin, died on a cross, rose again in three days and now sits at the right hand of the Father.  Romans 10:9 says that if we believe this and confess our sins and call upon the name of the Lord - we will be saved.  This means that our sins are forgiven!  Our sins of the past, the present and the future.
• Do not do this alone - Galatians 6 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load."  God does not want us to do this alone.  God wants us to walk in community.  Our brothers and sisters in Christ in our local church is family.  Get involved!  Join a men's group (if you are a woman reading this - join a womens group) and/or join a mini-church.
• Read Scripture Daily
• Pray Daily
• Repent of your sins when you slide - confess to your brother and allow true accountability in your life

Reference 2:  When we have that lion in our house and we think that we can keep this "pet sin" a safe little lie in our house, from our friends, from our wives or work or friends or community - we are kidding ourselves.  God sees everything.  There is no hiding from Him.  Steps to take removing this lion from our lives (this pet sin):

• Identify the sin (the stronghold in our life) - is it a computer?  A website(s)?  Our imagination?  Drugs?  Alcohol? Improper and unhealthy flirtatious friendships?  Anger? Fill in your blank _________
• Deal with it - Read Romans 12 and Colossians 3.
• Drag it out of your house (your body is a temple) Put a proverbial bullet in its head - Kill that proverbial lion (end the friendship or improper relationship)  Throw the computer out or put accountability software that does not allow you to manipulate the passwords.  Deal with your Anger/Alcohol/Fill in the Blank _____.  Get help, get counseling, join Celebrate Recovery.  Confess it to your brother and to God.

What are some things that you have to do?  Or would add to this post?

Blessings,

D

An unguarded strength is a double weakness...

There are things that I really like about men's conferences, leadership conferences, and so on.  Things that give us fresh insight and/or things that we want to do different or augment in our lives.  Things that we are going to change.  And if we are all honest, for those of us that go to these conferences, we find ourselves for the first week (few weeks, months or slightly thereafter) doing these things that we say we are going to do and THEN life steps back in and we lose our focus and our way.  Whether we are too busy at work or too busy at home or too busy at church or just plain too busy in all jaunts of life, we just set back into our old ways.  Our old self nature - it's just too easy, like sin in our lives.For some of us, though, things are different.  Something connected our spirit to our hearts and minds.  Something poked a chord and or a nerve in our lives and we realized that, "yes I have been lax", and/or, "yes, I need to change the way that I do that."  This past weekend was like that for me.  Greg Laurie spoke on Friday night and used this phrase, "an unguarded strength is a double weakness."  So often in life, if I reflect and look back on my journal(s), I can be brutally honest and say that this does happen to me, more so than not if I really want to be honest.  This doesn't make me a bad dad or poor husband or whatever conclusion society could draw, rather, it makes me ineffective as a spiritual leader.   It makes me neutralized as dad and as an effective husband.

Before you condemn me reading this post, realize that I am condemning myself.   At the ActLikeMen conference Matt Chandler said something very poignant in that when we get home from our days jobs (whatever shift you work) that we still have shift 2 and shift 3 to handle and to engage and to finish.  That is, to serve our wives and our children if God has blessed us with them.  We need to start acting like men.  Now before I totally throw myself under the bus, I want to say that there are things that my wife will say that I do really good:  1) I help clean (kitchen, etc.,) 2) I help with Laundry, 3) I help with the bedtime and homework and the like, BUT if I am really honest I can do so much more for my family.  For instance,  I could do the following:

Set the Pace - Honestly I am blown away at the pace at which culture/society tells us to travel.  Let's be honest, if work was given full access to our lives some of us could work 70, 80 and over 100 hours and still have "to-do lists".  Travel Sports (don't get me going on this one) Hobbies and Park District activities and for some families (if they have time for other things) - Youth Group.  I can Set the Pace by being intentional on how I pray, how I read God's word and apply it to my daily life and I can create a healthy balance for my family between chores, homework and fun times with Mom & Dad & Friends and Family.

Time Management - The Hebrew day (back before electricity) was 6am to 6pm and then goodnight.  If we are modern family and our kids go to school then your morning looks like this:  Mom and Dad wakes up, Kids wake up, Eat Breakfast, Change clothes, wash up (teeth brushed), Drive to School, Kids at school all day and mom and dad work from home (or at work) and so on.  There are only 24 hours in a day (and God likes us to be orderly and good stewards with our time, talent and treasure), that being said, we only have so much time in a day.  Teach our kids the gift of time.  I can do this by being an example not a sloth at home.

Give them Stewardship - I have to teach my family the value of God's time, talent and treasure that he has given me through His promise of giving us His Spirit.  That is, each one of us that has professed the name of Jesus Christ as Savior has been given fruit of the Spirit (Spiritual Gifts) to honor God.  I have to set the priorities that are so important in this order:  God, Family, Church, Work, Friends and Other.   I have to put God first in everything and as Spiritual leader I have to put my wife and family next.  The more that my family sees Jesus in me and how I serve with the gifts that he has entrusted in me, the better I serve my wife and kids, the better they inherit this stewardship and the better my lot will go at the Judgement Seat of Christ (goal = to hear our Redeemer say, "well done thou good and faithful servant.").  Teach them the value of money (to tithe, to save and how much to spend.  Live it, let them know that you practice what you preach - this is true accountability.

Be Bold - Act like men in showing your kids the strength of Jesus when you serve them.  No matter what life brings me (through trial and tribulation) show them your love and grace and mercy.  Show them that it is okay to hurt, to cry and to struggle, but show them also your unwavering faith.  Be Bold in love.  Be bold in truth and Be bold in serving.

Arm Them - The word of God is bold and effective and able to separate bone from marrow.  It is a double-edge sword.  It is truth.  Own the truth, know the word and work on memory with your children.  The more that they own the more that they will carry with them into adulthood.  Teach them to pray.  Teach them to pray for the Armor of God (Read Ephesians 6).

What are some of your lists?

As for me, this past weekend taught me an extremely valuable lesson, not only to guard my 6 (with brothers that I call men of Faith and Lance) also to doubly guard my strengths.  I can do this by daily reading of the Bible, Praying continually.  Seeking that quiet time with God (listening for his voice).  To have accountability in my life (not just from my wife, but from brothers who will be brutal and honest in love).

Blessings,

D

Unpacking the Actlikemen Conference, part 1 of 3 (or more)

This past weekend 12,600 + volunteers went to Indianapolis, Indiana to attend the third of three Act Like Men Conferences (2 in the US and 1 in Canada).  Lance and I met down there on Friday night and his son blessed us with his presence as well.  I am so thankful for all the men that accompanied me this past weekend.   I am thankful for Lance and his son serving this weekend as we sponsored the event.  I am so thankful for the men of God that brought the truth to us in an incredibly short amount of time with such a large plethora of God's words and teaching to unpack during the conference.  My head is still reeling from this event.  Actually, Lance and I several years ago talked about a men's event that we wanted to do, called "Man Up".  I think these men stole our idea or at least a lot of LegacyDad material (JUST KIDDING).  These men speak truth and these men speak from the same authority that we speak on - the Holy Bible.  The Spirit within us and having brothers and our wives holding us accountable.All of this being said, a few things that really struck home for me (personally):

• A man, who is bored and with a lot of energy at home is VERY DANGEROUS
• An unguarded strength is a double weakness
• We all do not need a manual, rather IMMANUEL
• Un-repented sin in our lives is like a lion that we keep hidden (an average lion can move 100 yards in 3 seconds) so be careful trying to entertain sin and trying to worship God

As a husband, a dad, a full-time worker, an Elder and a leader of men's ministry - I have a lot on my plate.  I continually check myself at the door of humility and try to remember my priorities:  God, Family, Church, Work, Friends and Community.  I don't always get this order right and I often fail even when I do.  However, I have brothers in my life who speak brutal truth in my life.  I have brothers (in Christ) who love me and do not judge me.  I have brothers who encourage, comfort and urge me to live a life worthy of God.  I call these brothers of mine - Men of Faith (which is also the name of our Men's Group at church).  I walked away from this confident feeling both happy and sad at the same time.  For the sad, I realized just how many at this conference do not have what we have in Men of Faith.  I felt sad because so many men (even in our church) miss the blessing of accountability and confession in men's groups.  I also felt sad in realizing just how many men need this but do not take the time to put this very thing into practice in their lives.

In 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 (NIV) we read, "¹¹ For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, ¹² encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory."  This is so important not only in ministry but in everyday life.  Often we find this sort of thing counter-cultural in that the world tells us to believe the "Lone Wolf McQuaid" way of life in which we can do this on our own.  This is exactly what the devil and his minions want from us - to be isolated and alone wallowing in our own sinful lives.  If we took it to God's way then we would turn to Galatians 6 and read the following, "6 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. ² Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ³ If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. ⁴ Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, ⁵ for each one should carry their own load. ⁶ Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. ⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

An unguarded strength is a double weakness - this has so many avenues attached to it - being overwhelmed at home, at work, at church, in the community, with our friends.....a simple way to put this is to say by just living life we can forget to be in the word daily.  To pray continuously.  To have accountability and to confess our sins to others.  We are not telling you to confess to a priest or to have a man forgive us, quite the contrary.  Rather, by confessing out loud, then we no longer have that sin in the darkness like a lion in our dark closet.  We bring it into the light (to our brothers) and we give others permission to hold us accountable to and to take a proverbial "2x4" to us when we are not walking the right path (in love not in anger).  And by bringing this to the light, we have repentance to God the Father through his son Jesus Christ giving honor to the Triune God who will be pleased with our repentance.  When I am tired, fatigued, worked over by work, co-workers, family and friends (so much to do with so little time - come on - we all have those weeks) I find myself being un-guarded.  As I looked at my journal when I got home, I could see the pattern of being ill-prepared in spiritual warfare and falling/failing to daily jaunts of temptation and the like.   Sometimes, when this occurs, my strengths become a double weakness - this was a very good lesson for me to hear this past weekend.

There is so much more to say.  The next few posts will focus on:

• The hidden lion in our lives
• A bored man in my house
• What's your excuse, man up...

Looking forward to hearing from you?  Who else was there?  Let Lance and I know what you want to hear...email me here:

Blessings,

Dante