Who is a Legacy Dad?

 Who is a Legacy Dad?

 Take a moment and think about your own father or if you didnot have a father, someone who was like a father to you…

What do you remember most? 

What type of man was he? 

Do you remember any special times together?

Are there any times you wish you could forget? 

Would you consider this man a mentor or someone to look upto? 

Now ask yourself…

 What will my children remember me for? 

 Legacy Dad is a roadmap for building these memories for yourchildren and guiding your children towards becoming spiritual champions. It gives you specific tools that can helpshape a legacy that you will pass on to your children, one in which they will havetruly wonderful memories. They will remember you as their mentor and LegacyDad. 

 Where we are?

 Every man starts this process from a different point, somemay be further and some may not yet be to the point of fully committing to thistype of plan but the great thing about Legacy Dad is it is made to be a tailoredplan. You can use certain areas only oruse the whole program. The mostimportant step is to customize this plan to your parenting style, your beliefsand your children. This truly creates aunique experience.

 I was at a point in my life where I was spiritually filled,my marriage was better than average, I was progressing well in my career and Iwanted to really influence and guide my children. As you look through the Legacy Dad Principlesyou may find an area you personally need to work on first before applying otherprinciples, don’t worry this is perfectly okay and trying to take shortcuts andskipping a step will not bring about the same results. 

 In short, Legacy Dad is for a special breed of man, the man who is ready to take the next stepand move towards finding Self Actualization. I caution you that this is not easy and most men never make it to thispoint in their lives, they die wishing they would have gone down thisroad. This will not be a lot of touchy,feely good suggestions but actual “get out in the real world” and “show your truecolors” hard work. 

 A Legacy Dad must be a wise man, a worldly man. He must have knowledge in a variety of areasthat normal men do not. He must masterfour critical areas in life and take the reigns as the spiritual leader in hisfamily.

A Legacy Dad is:

 A man who is bold but humble

A man who honors his wife and treats her as his united partnerand confidant

A man who is not afraid to speak about his beliefs andvalues

A man who has or is ready to become the spiritual leader ofhis family

A man who sets the example for others to follow

A man who friends and colleagues look up to and ask adviceof

A man who is willing to lay it all on the line to protecthis family

But most importantly Legacy Dad is

A man who realizes that his children are God’s greatest giftto him and his legacy will not be his job, will not be his money, and will notbe his personal accomplishments; but it will be the teachings, guidance, andvalues that he passes on to his children. His children will take these principles on to their children and theirchildren’s children thus creating a family Legacy.

Maybe no man in your family tree has ever taken this step?Maybe you can be the first? 

Most men will never walk this path. Are you up to the Legacy challenge? 

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the oneless traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” - Robert Frost

  
-Esse Quam Videri-

The Legacy Dad Process

Ask a group of men when they knew they were really men and you will get varied responses. When they turned 18, 21. When they graduated High School, College. The first time they had sex, when the left for basic training, and a number of other responses.We have a crisis of children growing up in the church and then leaving the church when they grow older. We have children who have identity crises because they were not guided and initiated by their parents. (Updated Study, Barna Study)  Our children need parents who will not cocoon them or over-shelter them from the world, but teach them to be the light that shines in the world.

Children need spiritual initiation and right of passage; they need true life skills and tests of judgment. They need to know that they are ready for the world and we as parents need to know that we have equipped our children for the world. We need to know that we left no stone unturned and did everything we could to prepare are children to be strong, confident Christians. Then we need to let God take them the rest of the way.

School, Friends, TV, Video Games and the Internet will not teach your children life skills, morals and values. The Church will only teach some areas and will not take your children all the way. It is our responsibility as parents to ensure our children receive the training, guidance and wisdom that will truly matter in their lives.

Society easily bates children and parents alike to pursue The Success Illusion.  To spend our lives chasing Money, Beauty, Power and Fame.  Aiming our children at true greatness rather than societies version of success gives them so much more and the funny part is the elusive success that so many chase often comes for free as a result of True Greatness.

Are you willing to be their leader and role model?

Are you willing to succeed where many parents fail?

The Legacy Dad Process is a road map to implement into your parenting style; it is a series of biblical lessons and principles at specific times and ages of your children’s lives to help instill and pass on your personal legacy to them. It focuses on creating a plan for each child that is tailored to their age and gender and incorporates your personal values and beliefs into the process to ensure your Legacy is passed on to them.

The Legacy Dad Process includes:

1.  Core Pillars for aiming our children at True Greatness.

2. An intriguing way to get your children to want to take this journey

3. Specific books and lessons for your children to read and report on that helps instill the principles

4. A journal that your children will record their progress and in the future reflect back on

5. Specific tests that each child will do on their own but with your help and guidance to instill the principles, give them life experience, and build a family bond.

6. Special ceremonies that shows your child that they have passed the test and are ready for the net step.

7. Specific adventures that you will take together to create family memories and instill the Legacy process.

8. A financial legacy that your child will inherit in the future worth hundreds of thousands of dollars as well as the knowledge of what to do with it.

9. A Legacy book that will be presented at the end of the process for your child to see their life history and comments from you and other family members along the way.

Finally, it will give your children the confidence and knowledge to face anything that life throws their way and it will give you as parents the satisfaction of knowing you did all you could to equip them for life.

I will explain in detail this whole process and how to implement it into your family.

Not only will this greatly help your children but it will also help you and your wife. If you personally do not possess the knowledge of these principles, you will also learn it first to pass it on and this will greatly help and increase your own personal life as well.  Learning together with your children will also create a stronger bond and solidify the process.

If the idea of a happy, loving marriage; equipping your children for True Greatness; financial security and abundance; and being respected for your character and leadership sounds appealing than Legacy Dad is for you.

Please Note:  This is not my plan but God's plan, packaged in an easy to understand way, for use in many areas of your life.

For a more detailed look at the process see Legacy Dad Life Map

-Esse Quam Videri-

The Picture of a Legacy

The Picture of a Legacy

When I mention the word legacy, what comes to mind? Rockefeller, Carnegie, Ford. or biblical leaders like Jonathan Edwards and Billy Graham. Do you think of those old movies where some old man has left a fortune to his great grand son in his Will but first the grandson must pass a test to receive the fortune?

For a moment, let your mind leave reality…

You see a 23 year old young man sitting in the back of a limousine, he is dressed in a black tuxedo and an overcoat, the boy has just graduated college. The limousine winds up a mountain road and comes to a large iron gate at the top, the gates open and the limousine drives through a golf course, it pulls up to a country club resort on the top of the mountain, the sun is setting in the background and the sky looks like a burst of orange, blue and white colors.

The door to the limousine opens and two older gentlemen dressed in black tuxedos are waiting for the young man, they are two friends of the boy’s father and strong Christians, they lead him into the country club. They go through a series of rooms and stop outside 2 large dark mahogany doors. The young man knocks on the doors three times, a voice from behind the door says “Enter” The two gentlemen open both doors and the young man enters the room.

The room is a large study with dark wooden bookshelves filled with many old looking books. A large fireplace has a fire crackling on one side of the room. There are many old pictures of distinguished gentlemen on the wall; the small coffee tables are filled with crystal and marble pieces. There are many large leather chairs and 2 leather sofas in the room.

The room is filled with 10 men all dressed in black tuxedos, 12 men in all plus the young man. The men are uncles, coaches, family friends, his Boy Scout leader, other men who have influenced the young man and the boy’s pastor.                                                

At the head of the room, the young man’s father and grand-father are standing behind a large hand carved desk, on the desk is an old dust covered trunk.

Over the past few years, the young man has had many tests and adventures: a mission trip in South America, climbing Flatirons in Colorado, hunting a grizzly in Northern Canada, teaching at a summer youth camp, raising money for the homeless and committing his life to Christ.

The young man walks up to the desk, the grand-father takes a key on a chain from around his neck and opens the trunk. Inside, the father and grand father take out some of the unique contents. First, is an old sword and sheath, it is adorned with crosses and other Christian symbols. The father tells the young man to kneel. The father takes the sword and places it on the young mans shoulder in knighting fashion. The father recites an oath as the young man repeats the words. His father then presents the sword to his son “Take this in recognition of the morals, values and courage you have learned, let it be symbol of your warrior spirit and to remember to protect your family when needed.”

The grand-father pulls an old frayed and worn bible from the chest. He opens it and it bears the names of his father, grandfather, great grand father and many uncles. The grand-father explains that this bible was his great, great grandfathers and has been passed to the men in the family for the past 150 years. In this bible are notes and passages underlined by all the prominent men in the family. The grand father hands the bible to the young man and says “Take this and continue your spiritual quest, you have proven yourself as a worthy Christian man."

Next the father pulls an old leather book from the trunk, it is hand carved on the cover and looks like an old oak tree, and the young man has seen this book many times in his life. Each time he sat with his father and learned specific lessons about spirituality, finances, morals, and leadership his dad would read from this book. The father opens the book to a page filled with many signatures and dates from the last 100 years. 

The boy is handed a fountain pen and told to inscribe his signature and the date. His father says “You are now entered into the book of leaders, of real men. You have passed numerous tests and proved that you are a capable and fair leader.” 

The grand-father now pulls a small black velvet box from the trunk, he hands it to the young man. The young man opens the box to see a set of keys and a piece of paper bearing a bank address with an account number and signature card. The grand-father proclaims “This is an investment account in your name, it was opened when you were 5 years old and contributed to your entire life, it now holds investments worth over $460,000 in it. You have passed many financial tests and have proven that you are worthy of using this money for you and your future family.”

Next the boy’s pastor comes forward and asks all to bow their heads in prayer. The pastor prays for the boy and thanks God for all that he has accomplished, he prays to continue to guide this young man during the next phase of his life. When the pastor is finished another man hands the boy a fine cigar and 15 year old glass of cognac in a crystal class. Everyman in the room now holds a cigar and glass of cognac; they toast the young man and clap in applause for him.

Each man lines up and in turn comes forward and congratulates him, they all offer him a small gift to remember the occasion. A compass with his initials engraved, a plaque bearing his family name and crest. After all have congratulated the young man the gentlemen walk through a side door in the study, the young man is the last to walk through the door and immediately he hears a loud roar of applause and yelling. He is now in a large banquet room and all his friends and family are present standing around large tables decorated like a wedding reception.

All the gentlemen are seated at a long table in which the young man takes his seat in the center. Once again they toast the young man and then sit down to a hand catered meal. During the meal, each gentleman stands up and says a few words and shares a story about the young man and his voyage to true greatness. After the meal, the boy’s father and mother take him back into the study. His mother pulls one last item from the trunk, a very large leather book; the size of a photo album, the boy looks through the pages and sees pictures of very memorable moments in his life from the time he was born. Sports events, awards he won, fishing trips, family vacations, and his Christian youth group. Beside each photo is a small narrative written by his parents and other family members and friends, they each share their memories of the young man at his event and how proud they are of him.

The boy hugs his parents and tears fill his eyes, he is so grateful for all they have done. His mother shows him the last 20 pages or so of the photo book, they are blank. “These are for you to fill with your next journey, your marriage, your future family, it is for you to continue and pass on your Legacy to future generations.” 

The boy is filled with confidence and is ready to take on the world.

The parents are proud and happy in knowing that their son is now ready for any trial that life has in store for him and with God's help and the knowledge he has gained, his life will be destined for true greatness.

How would you feel if someone would have done this for you?

How would you feel after 10 years of mentorship and you finally made it to this night?

What kind of confidence would this instill in you knowing that these men and family members believe you are ready for this type of responsibility?

I would feel like a strong and confident man, capable of taking on whatever the world decided to throw my way.

Okay, how do you get to here from wherever you are now?

That is what Legacy Dad is all about. It is about the core principles to pass on, the training involved, the tests he takes, the memories and adventures, and how to put it all together into an easy road map that you can tailor and follow.

It is about taking your children through a process and finally culminating at this unique crossing over ceremony, not because of their age, but because they have proven themselves capable. It is at this point that you will realize that you did all you could, you left no stone unturned and you molded your child into a strong, healthy Christian adult. It is also at this point that your child will never forget this day and all you have done and sacrificed for them, they will forever feel a closeness to you unlike any ever found.

Welcome to Legacy Dad

-Esse Quam Videri-

Review of "The Dream Giver"

Perhaps you feel stuck in your job, are considering a job change, orwant to start you own business, but just can’t seem to do anythingabout it. Or maybe you’ve already started a new job or business, buthave found the obstacles along the way seemingly insurmountable.

No matter what’s stopping you from moving forward, Bruce Wilkinson’s new book could change your life.

Wilkinson has been stirring the Christian community ever since his Prayer of Jabez hit the shelves. But if Jabez encourages you to enlarge your horizon to do great things for God, The Dream Giver(Multnomah Publishers, 2003) deals with the thoughts and otherobstacles that keep you from attaining those great things. Wilkinsoneven says in his introduction, “Every Dreamer soon learns that the roadto the future you really want is clogged with Dream-threateningobstacles.”

As you begin to read The Dream Giver, you’ll quickly find yourself thinking of a Christian Version of "The Secret." In. The Dream Giver,the hero is someone named Ordinary, who, as the name suggests, is an average man orwoman of the Christian faith, living in the land of Familiar or Comfortable. This, ofcourse, represents the comfort zone that most of us build aroundourselves. Familiar is populated by Nobodies, people who don’t“generally expect the unexpected” and don't want to rock the boat or stray far from the norm.

Now Ordinary has a conversation with the Dream Giver, which sends himon a journey – to follow his dream, his true passion in life. Yes, says the Dream Giver, believethat the Dream is from Me, and follow it where it takes you. Ordinarylikes the idea that instead of being a Nobody, he can become aSomebody. But there are hurdles to cross.

The very first hurdle is to actually believe that the DreamGiver gives the innermost desires. Did Ordinary really have a Big Dreamfrom the Dream Giver? Or was it too much Merlot last night? Interestingly, itwas his father who gave Ordinary that little impetus to follow hisDream.

If getting courage to follow a Dream is not hard enough toovercome, then our own comfort zone can be the next hurdle toaccomplishing our Dream. Many people suffer from the RTC factor – resistant to change.We love to think we welcome change, but try to move us too far awayfrom that which we’ve become accustomed to and you’ll see how muchchange you enjoy.

The Journey Begins

The author’s parable takes Ordinary from the Comfort Zone ofFamiliar to the unknown territory of Borderland. Slowly, Ordinaryovercomes the fear of the unknown and steps forward. And, surprisinglyto him, the unknown is not as bad as it was imagined.

Before he finally leaves the Comfort Zone, however, Ordinarymust deal with the hurdle of family and friends. These people ought tobe his closest allies, but instead they become a big obstacle in ajourney that will continue the rest of his life. First, his motherchallenges his Big Dream. This is a familiar pattern for many, sincemany mothers and wives with their “nesting” qualities don’t alwaysappreciate the steps (they call them “risks”) to achieving a Big Dream.Then there are wider family members who might deter you from yourDreams.

But just as there are those who discourage, so it is possibleto find others who have successfully left Familiar and followed theirDream. It’s interesting that the author indicates that we need friendsif we are to achieve our Big Dream, those who will support us in thequest of what appears to be Uncertainty.

Now the problem with a parable of this nature is that ittouches home. How many times have you experienced this kind of responsefrom parents and close friends – possibly even from your wife orhusband? “You can’t do that. It’s too risky.” Or, “how on earth did youever get the idea that you could do that?”

For some reason, it’s easy for the “power of negative thinking”to take hold of those close to you. If you’re not careful, you begin todoubt not only that you have a Dream, but also that the Dream Giverplanted it in you.

When the Going Gets Tough…

If following a Big Dream were easy, we would not need books suchas this to help us on our way. And Wilkinson is aware there can beyears in the Wasteland, the next hurdle to achieving a Dream. In thereality of life, following a Dream can be frustrating, appear to be awaste of time, and burdened with difficulties. The Dream Giver appearsnowhere to be found, and Ordinary thinks he’s abandoned. This is theWasteland.

At this stage, the author introduces us to Faith – sent by theDream Giver to help. The first thing Ordinary asks is that he be giventhe directions back to Familiar. But Faith cannot help him. “’Thatfigures,’ [says] Ordinary. ‘The Dream Giver sends me a helper who can’teven help.’”

How many of us, when our Dreams seem shattered, react likeOrdinary? Whose fault is it we’re in the Wasteland and nothing appearsto be going right? We do not like to find fault with ourselves. And wecertainly do not entertain easily the idea that maybe we need thisWasteland to help our character develop the way the Dream Giver thinksis necessary. So we blame the Dream Giver for our difficulties, rail athim for his apparent withdrawal from us, and like Ordinary, we want toturn back from following our Dream.

Ordinary, fortunately, follows Faith, finds Sanctuary and a reneweddialogue with the Dream Giver, and is encouraged to move forward. Buthe can achieve this only if he surrenders his Big Dream to the DreamGiver. Which he does, only to find that his Big Dream comes back to himlarger than before. Surrendering your Big Dream to the Dream Giver isthe only way to make sure that the Dream itself comes from the DreamGiver.

The Obstacles Grow, But So Does Hope

Encouraged to move ahead, Ordinary soon finds himself confrontedby the Land of the Giants. By now, Ordinary has met other Dreamers, andencouraged by their stories and encouragement learns that he can dobattle with Giants of all kinds.

But he also meets the Wounded Warrior who, surprisingly, sharesthe same Big Dream. The Wounded Warrior, however, is dying on the fieldof battle, her Big Dream never quite realized. But she helps Ordinarysee that sometimes a Big Dream is bigger than a single person. She dieson the battlefield to help Ordinary get further than he mightotherwise. These are the people who prepare the ground for our BigDream, and make it possible for us to move further ahead than those whohave gone before.

Ordinary also realizes, however, that for the Wounded Warrior,death on the battlefield was her Big Dream. He senses that Big Dreamscan take more than one person and more than one lifetime, an importantlesson many need to learn.

Prepare for Battle

Here in the Land of the Giants, however, Ordinary meets theAnybodies. They come from the City of Anybodies, where a Giant ofDarkness holds them in captivity and oppresses them from his strongholdat the gates. No one can leave or enter. The Anybodies do not believein the Dream Giver, but Ordinary hears the Dream Giver’s instruction:“Prepare for Battle.” Now he’s told to put down his weapons and dobattle with the Giant of Darkness. In the name of the Dream Giver,Ordinary overcomes the Giant, resulting in the Anybodies singingpraises to the Dream Giver.

Now Ordinary is ready for the Promised Land. As he walkedthrough the Anybodies’ city, he heard the Dream Giver say, “What do yousee?”

Ordinary saw what the Dream Giver wanted him to see. “‘I see beautiful Anybodies in great need,’ he said.”

And he saw something else: the Name of his Dream carved on theinside of the gate of the city of Anybodies. Ordinary had arrived. Thiswas his Dream.

In this fascinating parable, Bruce Wilkinson not only takes uson a journey of following a Big Dream, but at the same time seems tolay down a challenge. We do not find out until the end of the parableexactly what Ordinary’s Dream really is – helping those less fortunate.This is certainly the journey of the author himself, whose recent workin Africa helping the less fortunate has been an inspiration andtestimony to the power of God.

But is this the Big Dream that all of us share? What of thosewho dream of being artists, doctors, mechanics, lawyers, housewives andmothers? Are these valid dreams? Certainly the story of Ordinaryapplies to many who have never made it to Africa, yet who equallystruggle in the Wasteland or the Land of Giants trying to fulfill theirBig Dream.

Time to Dream Big

The Parable takes only the first part of the book. The secondpart is the Parable applied. As the author says, “the good news forevery Dreamer is that each stage or obstacle along our journey isintended not to block our dream, but to help us break through to thefulfillment God promises.”

Wilkinson believes that each person has a Dream, but they donot always pursue it. No wonder there’s so much unhappiness in acountry such as America where people are abundantly blessed witheconomic prosperity. For many, they work at the job to pay down themortgage, put bread and butter on the table, educate the children, andprovide for old age.

But deep within each one of us there’s often that “other man orwoman” who wishes we were doing something else. Time and circumstancedo not always permit us to follow our Dream, and I think the author isaware of this. That is why he wrote the book.

But he also wrote the book to encourage you in the journey oflife. He wants you to look inside and find the Dream that has beenplanted there by the Dream Giver. Then follow the Dream wherever itleads. But don’t be surprised if it lands you in the Promised Land.It’s there you’ll find Anybodies who need help and encouragement sothat they too can follow what appears to be “the impossible dream.”

Whether your goal is to be a musician or a missionary, apolitician or a preacher, a banker or a businessman, this book willencourage you. If you haven’t started on your Big Dream, this book willchallenge you to move forward. And if you’re struggling in theWasteland and battling Giants of all kinds, this book is a timelyreminder that you should not give up just yet. The Dream Giver is usingthose circumstances to make you into the kind of person he wants you tobe.

But perhaps most of all, The Dream Giver challengesyou to discover that at the end of the day, your Dream has a widerpurpose than just your own personal achievement or satisfaction. Theneeds of others less privileged than you make such selfish aims appearcallous.

And after reading this book, you’ll have no choice but to move forward.

I highly recommend this read or if you are short of time like me, buy the DVD which is great to watch and is in 30 minute increments. 

Lance

-Esse Quam Videri-

Core Values

Listed are the Core Values that I attempt to weave into our family life and all of my Legacy Dad teachings, it is up to you to decide which values you wish to pursue and integrate into your family Legacy.

Trustworthiness

Be honest • Don’t deceive, cheat or steal • Be reliable — do what you say you’ll do • Have the courage to do the right thing • Build a good reputation • Be loyal — stand by your family, friends, your faith and your country

Respect

Treat others with respect; follow the Golden Rule • Be tolerant of differences • Use good manners, not bad language • Be considerate of the feelings of others • Don’t threaten, hit or hurt anyone • Deal peacefully with anger, insults and disagreements.Value other peoples opinions and try to see things from their point of view.

Responsibility

Do what you are supposed to do • Persevere: keep on trying! • Always do your best • Use self-control • Be self-disciplined • Think before you act — consider the consequences • Be accountable for your choices

Fairness

Play by the rules • Take turns and share • Be open-minded; listen to others • Don’t take advantage of others • Don’t blame others carelessly

Caring

Be kind • Be compassionate and show you care • Express gratitude • Forgive others • Help people in need

Citizenship

Do your share to make your school and community better • Cooperate • Get involved in community affairs • Stay informed; vote • Be a good neighbor • Obey laws and rules • Respect authority • Protect the environment

Courage - The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.

Perseverance­ Steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose; steadfastness.

Loyalty - A feeling or attitude of devoted attachment and affection

Duty - An act or a course of action that is required of one by position, social custom, law, or religion: Do your duty to your country. Moral obligation: acting out of duty. The compulsion felt to meet such obligation.

Selfless Service - Selfless Service is a commonly used term to denote a service which is performed without any expectation of result or award for the person performing it. It is also sometimes used to denote a service performed with no apparent 'earthly' result, but which may accrue results in a spiritual or heavenly realm after death, although in the pure sense of the term that would not qualify as a strictly 'selfless' action.

Honor - Principled uprightness of character; personal integrity.

b. A code of integrity, dignity, and pride, chiefly among men, that was maintained in some societies, as in feudal Europe, by force of arms.

Integrity - 1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.

2. The state of being unimpaired; soundness.

3. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.

Grace - refers to the sovereign favor of God for humankind — especially in regard to salvation — irrespective of actions ("deeds"), earned worth, or proven goodness more broadly, grace refers to God's gifts to humankind, including life, creation and salvation.

The Legacy Dad Stages of Child/Parenthood

I was in search of two things: An authentic, Biblical parenting philosophy and a parenting philosophy that had a proven track record of producing children who become Spiritual Champions as adults. The reports that 50-70% of Evangelical Youth are leaving the church after high school send some red flags that our safety-conscious, academic achievement-focused, self-esteem-promoting, parenting philosophies are currently not working.I was searching for a philosophy that created a close bond with my children, while instilling Christian values and other life skills that matured their trust and faith in God. Quite often, we are focusing on the wrong fundamental areas or using incorrect methodology in order to raise children who grow up to follow Christ and reach the lost.  What we should be asking ourselves about the above statistic is what are the other 30% doing differently than you and I?

I wanted my children to grow up to become mature and experienced in the following areas:

Faith - Trust In God Morals and Values Leadership and Accountability Relationships and Ultimately MarriageOutward Oriented - Selflessness

Biblically, we call this Spiritual Maturity or Discipleship but I was confused on how to accomplish this as a parent and I needed a plan. I also wanted a process that was easy to integrate into our family - a road-map if you will - to follow and track my parenting process along the way.  I wanted my children to have benchmarks, rights of passage, to live and experience their values that would culminate in an adulthood ceremony, where my children were recognized and congratulated on their progress and reassured they were ready for the world.

I started by reading a bunch of books, both Christian and Non-Christian (Pediatricians, Child Psychologists and some of the most popular parenting programs out there).  Each one had its own unique area but nothing all-inclusive and many had no research or proven track records.  Plus, their was a lack of congruence between many of the best selling parenting books and popular programs. Many focused more on making parents lives easier but were not the best for our children's development.

Often popular parenting books and philosophies focus heavily on reforming behavior, controlling our children's environment, or even manipulating our children to comply or obey.  While this seems popular with the Over Protective Parenting Crowd – I wanted to raise children who make the right decision out of obedience and love for God and no matter what environment they find themselves in.  I don't want to raise children who are merely obedient to my rules and boundaries but children who learn and grow to have a change of heart, a heart for Christ and who bear Fruit of the Spirit.

So I decided to pray, conduct my own research, and come up with a unique Christian road map that met my goals yet was practical and Biblical. I called it Legacy Dad because I realized the eternal importance of my parenting process and that many of my parenting efforts (good and bad) would not materialize until years down the road.

This "Road Map" is a work in progress that I've refined over the past 10 years as my children went from toddlers to teenagers.

Legacy Dad is a program to mentor and guide your children (and you as parents) from birth to adulthood.  Legacy Dad researches the top methods and programs for attaining this type of mentorship and puts them into a personal, customizable parenting package to fit your individual parenting needs and style.

This is a fluid plan that is constantly being refined based on trial and error and these are actual examples of concepts we have used with our own children. With all these examples and suggestions, we are always thinking about grace and moderation not parenting to extremes. The concept is to teach these principles to your child by setting the example as the parent. Children will not learn without their parent’s example. Actions not words. Plus, these concepts must be reinforced during impromptu moments and situations that can arise at any time. There are many times each day that we find ourselves in situations to teach and model these traits to our children. You cannot cram these ideas on weekends or vacations. It takes daily interaction.

The ultimate goal of Legacy Dad is to create this in ourchildren:

Security in their Hearts

Significance in their lives

Strength for the future

Essential Life Skills

Spiritual Morals as a Compass

The Foundation of Legacy Dad is Grace Based Parenting.

Grace Based Parenting:

• Accepts Children regardless of their merit
• Serves Children's needs without a sense of obligation
• Motivates children to a higher holiness without condemnation

The following process outlines specific ages, goals and resources to use as a parent during this process.  These meet the two criteria (Biblical and Proven)

Phase I

Birth to 5 Years – Cognitive Development

Goals – Secure attachment to parents, Secure Love, Learning through Play, Empathy for others, Boundaries/Discipline

Baby Dedication/Infant Baptism

Blessing Your Child - Dr. John Trent - Strong Families.com

Introduction to Church/Biblical Living – Church Attendance, Sunday School

Family Traditions – Begin annual family rituals – A week at a lake cabin, sponsoring a needy family at Christmas, Thanksgiving Day Blessings – The idea is to create family rituals that you do every year and thus creates security and memories.

Family Night - Once a week, have a dedicated family night for movies, games, sharing, etc.

Grace – Grace Based Parenting Small Group I - Create and maintain an atmosphere of grace, focus on meeting your children's three inner needs.  Start teaching love, acceptance and grace during play, school, friends, sports. – This is learned through action not words.

Phase II

5-12 Years – Elementary Years

Character Traits – Place Character traits as your top parenting priority (Integrity, Truthfulness, Love, Acceptance, Courage, and Selflessness)

Grace Based Parenting Small Group II – Build Character into their heart

Sex/Body - The Story of Me, Before I Was Born, What's The Big Deal

Your Child's Uniqueness/Spiritual Gifts/Creativity - The Kids-Flag-Page from Family Matter Ministry

Family Night - Once a week, have a dedicated family night for movies, games, sharing, etc.

Money/Charity – Financial Peace Junior – Dave Ramsey - Weekly and Impromptu Giving, At age 12, give your children a checking account to manage and learn budgeting, savings and charity.

Boundaries – Curfew, Phones and Media

Teamwork - Team Sports and Activities, Sportsmanship, Selflessness, Determination, Perseverance (Don’t let your child quit or miss practices unnecessarily. Also, don't allow them to give only a mediocre effort)

Evangelism – Teach your child to uphold their values/beliefs around others, Invite friends to Church/Youth Group, Having friends over during meal times (Prayer)

Dating – Father/Daughter Dates/Dances - Mother/Son Dates/Dances – Explain and show your children how to act and treat the opposite sex, make it a memorable event. (Some schools, churches sponsor these events)

Age 10 – Allowing freedom of choice - clothes (modesty) hair styles, friends, activities. = Grace.  You are allowing your children to learn discernment and make mature choices from an early age.

Responsibility - Start giving your child more responsibility in multiple areas without overwhelming them.  When they struggle, let them fail and or accept natural consequences of not being responsible - missing homework, forgetting items, not meeting deadlines, etc.

As your child gets older, the amount of control by parents needs to loosen as the child learns and begins to make their own decisions and ultimately mistakes (natural consequences).  They will learn decision making and Biblical worldview with your support, mentorship and guidance and the help of other adults, pastors, grandparents in their lives.  It's better for your children to make mistakes and learn while they are still in your home than when they are in their 20's and the consequences become more severe.  

Rite of passage -13-16 – Young Adult

As your child enters these ages, friends and social life will start becoming more and more important.  Many parents choose to disengage and allow friends to take the place of the family.  DO NOT let this happen!!  Keeping trying to engage (It’s not always easy) send them texts, tweets, Facebook messages, etc.  Continue to talk with them and be a part of their lives. Meet their friends, dates, teachers, coaches, etc.  Do not be discouraged.

Grace Based Parenting III – Aiming Your Child At True Greatness

Becoming a Young Adult – Teach Responsibility, Cooking, Cleaning, Housework, Employment

Father & Son Journey's Together - Take your son to Men's Events, Conferences, Weekend Retreats

Passport2Purity Weekend For Girls/Moms – Curriculum – Weekend at Resort, Cabin, Hotel

Family Night  - Once a week, have a dedicated family night for movies, games, sharing, etc.

Dating – Insist on meeting your children’s dates and making your children meet the parents of their dates. –Interviewing Your Daughters Date - For Daughters. Fathers talk to son’s about purity, responsibility and respecting boundaries.  What He Must Be For My Daughter - For Your Sons

Money - Generation Change –Dave Ramsey - Their own checking account, employment, paying for their own items and recreation.

Trust in God – Teaching your teens to trust the Lord for problems, challenges in life. Teach Prayer in times of struggle and in decision making, Help them overcoming a fear together (Roller Coaster, Bungee Jumping, Etc.)

Evangelism – Explore Training (LifeReady) , Family Missions Trips, (e3 Missions)  Volunteering at your Church – Teaching younger kids or volunteering for a short term project.

Lance also added the following steps at this age:

Specific books to read developed for each child and their uniqueness and challenges that spark conversation and reinforce the core teachings.A Journal kept by your children to record this journey and their thoughts.An End of Phase Real World Test - Facing Your Fears, Serving Others, Leadership

Age 16-18 – Preparing For Life/College

This stage is where your child is starting to take their own path in Life.  As parents, we need to support them but also influence and guide them subtly. Being too overbearing could cause your child to rebel.

(*Note -This area has less than the others because we have not finished this age group yet with our children.)

Manhood/Womanhood Ceremony– Age 16 – A significant event marking your son/daughters transition into adulthood.  Give them a special gift or family heirloom, Partner with Men’s/Women’s Ministry, Coaches, Grandparents, etc.  – See Raising A Modern Day Knight and Raising A Modern Day Princess  for more in depth info.

Family Night  - Once a week, have a dedicated family night for movies, games, sharing, etc.

Evangelism – Mission trips with youth group or peers, volunteering at church, teaching younger kids in church.

Intimate talks about college, options, marriage, dating.

Marriage Preparation - 

College Bound  - Senior Year HS – College Ready Small Group Curriculum from Life Ready

We are also developing resources for College and Beyond as well as specifics for Special Needs Children, Autism, Single Parents, etc.  - Please Check back for updates.

The ultimate goal of Legacy Dad is to create this in our children: 

Security in their Hearts

Significance in their lives

Strength for the future

Essential Life Skills

Spiritual morals as a Compass

Grace Based Parenting

Written by Dr. Tim Kimmel

Raising children in today’s world is much like putting together apuzzle. You labor for years to put the right pieces of your children’slives together, but when they grow up, they often do not resemble whatyou thought you were creating.

In spite of the disappointments that come with the job, raisingchildren is the greatest thing you will ever do. Parenting is greaterthan any milestone you can hit in your career. Among other things, youhave been handed a piece of history in advance — a love letter to atime you will not see — and you play the biggest role in how thathistory will ultimately be recorded. That is why, regardless of thechallenges, you need to have a plan for parenting that works.

Wrong Maps
If you are running blind through territory you have nevertraveled, you are only as good as the map you are depending on. Whenyou look at the way some parents raise their children and the way someexperts advise them, it is no wonder that many parents feel they havelost their way.

Some typical parenting methodologies in the Christian communityfollow. Remember, these are all types so they are a bit exaggerated tomake a point. All of these approaches are missing God’s grace as theircentral motivating factor.

1. Fear-based parenting. These parents’ fearsdetermine their strategy for parenting. These parents live in fear andare overprotective of their children. Biblically speaking, theseparents live out of balance with the concept of being in the world butnot of the world by withdrawing. These parents are encouraged to bewary of everything.
Fear-based parenting can create spiritually anemic children. It alsocan create an environment for children who do not have passion for lostpeople, who are indifferent and fearful, and who rebel.

2. Evangelical behavior modification. This is abranch of fear-based parenting that assumes the proper environment,proper information, proper education, and the absence of negativeinfluences will increase the chances of a child turning out well.

This parenting plan works from the assumptions that behavior shapesa child’s heart, as if content can be transferred onto a child’s heartmuch like information placed on a computer hard drive.

The behavior modeled by these families paints a beautiful picture ofan ideal Christian home, but it is one-dimensional. These are homeswhere God rules in the head but that does not necessarily translateinto God ruling the heart.

3. Image-control parenting. This is a checklistmethod of parenting that is part of the seduction of legalism.Image-control parenting assumes that people will know you are a goodChristian parent raising Christian children by your church attendance,the way your children dress (or do not dress), the way your childrencut their hair (or do not cut their hair), the words and expressionsyour children use (or do not use), the schools your children attend (ordo not attend), and the movies your children watch (or do not watch).

The problem with this form of parenting is not in the things theseparents either do or do not do. For the most part, these arewell-meaning parents trying to make good choices. However, they makechoices for wrong reasons. Doing good things for wrong reasonsconsistently brings unfavorable results. Children can tell when theyare being parented by a checklist rather than by a mom and dad who aretrusting in God to lead them.

4. High-control parenting. There is a vastdifference between parents who keep their children under control andparents who control them. High-control parenting happens when parentsleverage the strength of their personality or position against thechildren’s weaknesses in order to get them to meet the parent’s selfishagenda.

High-control parenting is the worst of the four types of parentingmethodologies. High-control parents ultimately get frustrated with theresults of their parenting. However, they are usually the last torealize.

Radical Parenting
There is good news! There is a method of parenting that makesit easier and enjoyable to put together the puzzle of parenting. It hasthe borders and boundaries that frame the picture. It filters out thepieces of the puzzle that do not belong, and it knows exactly what yourchildren are supposed to look like when the assembly of the puzzle iscomplete.

The box cover is in the Bible, and this model for parenting can be summarized in one word: grace!

A Grace-Based Family
Grace-based parents spend their time entrusting themselves toChrist. Their children are the daily recipients of the grace theseparents are enjoying from God. If you are watching them in action,these parents appear to be peaceful and in love with God. They areespecially graceful when their children are hardest to love. Theiradvice to their children is a mixture of the two following ideas:
• “You are a gift from God. Go make a difference!”
• “You may struggle doing the right thing sometimes, but you are forgiven.”

These parents feel they need to seek God more every day. Onecharacteristic that stands out is how grateful they are for what theyhave and what they can do for their children.

Grace-based parents process their day-to-day life with a confidencethat comes from knowing God loves them. One of the most importantcharacteristics of grace-based families is they are not afraid. Theyare especially unafraid of the evil around them.

A grace-based environment changes the way children view theirparents and the choices their parents make on their behalf. It alsogives their children a more attractive look at their parents’ faith.Parents who operate by grace instead of a checklist or conventionalwisdom are easier for their children to trust. When your children’slives are falling apart, they are more inclined to turn to you.

Grace-based parents have a keen awareness of their own propensitytoward sin. This makes the grace and forgiveness they received fromChrist more appreciated. It stirs them to love others and accomplishgood deeds. They are not driven by guilt or a need to do penance. Theydo not judge people who are struggling. They see themselves in thesepeople and understand just how much of God’s love they have received.They are more inclined to love these people and care for the needs intheir lives.

God’s Pattern of Grace
The primary word that defines how God deals with His childrenis “grace.” Grace does not exclude obedience, respect, boundaries, ordiscipline — it champions them. But it determines the climate in whichthese important parts of parenting are carried out. Grace-basedparenting maintains a realistic attitude about the sinful nature with acompassionate desire to help children rise above it and flourish in theplan God has for them.

Parents who are giving grace to their children are not shocked whentheir children sin. They are not even caught off guard when theirchildren make mistakes. Grace understands that everyone sins, includingchildren.

Dr. Tim Kimmel and his wife, Darcy, are thefounders of Family Matters™. Committed to equipping families for everyage and stage of life, Tim is one of America’s top advocates speakingfor the family today. Tim has hosted his own nationally syndicatedradio program, speaks throughout the country, and enjoys life with hiswife, his four children, and his growing number of grandchildren.

Updated Barna Group Study

Christianity No Longer Looks Like Jesus

By

Audrey Barrick

Christian Post Reporter

Tue, Sep. 25 2007 11:19 AM  ET

Young Americans today are more skeptical and resistant toChristianity than were people of the same age just a decade ago, says anew study.

Negative perceptions toward the Christianfaith have outweighed the positive as a growing percentage of youngerAmericans associate with a faith outside Christianity.

Only 16percent of non-Christians aged 16 to 29 years old said they have a"good impression" of Christianity, according to a report releasedMonday by The Barna Group. A decade ago, the vast majority of Americansoutside the Christian faith, including young people, felt favorablytoward Christianity’s role in society,

Young people have an evenlesser positive impression of evangelicals. Only 3 percent of 16- to29-year-olds who are not of the Christian faith express favorable viewsof evangelicals. In the previous generation, 25 percent of young peoplehad positive associations toward evangelicals.

"[Evangelicals]have always been viewed with skepticism in the broader culture," saidthe Barna report. "However, those negative views are crystallizing andintensifying among young non-Christians."

Common negativeperceptions among non-Christians is that present-day Christianity isjudgmental (87 percent), hypocritical (85 percent), old-fashioned (78percent), and too involved in politics (75 percent).

For the mostpart, Christians are aware of the greater degree of criticism towardChristianity. According to the study, 91 percent of the nation'sevangelicals believe that "Americans are becoming more hostile andnegative toward Christianity."

Half of senior pastors say that"ministry is more difficult than ever before because people areincreasingly hostile and negative toward Christianity."

Therewere also some widely held favorable perceptions toward Christianityincluding beliefs that Christianity teaches the same basic ideas asother religions (82 percent), has good values and principles (76percent), is friendly (71 percent), and is a faith they respect (55percent).

Criticism, however, was not limited to young peopleoutside the Christian faith. Half of young churchgoers said theyperceive Christianity to be judgmental, hypocritical and too political.Also, one-third said it was old-fashioned and out of touch with reality.

Moreover,the study showed a new image attached to the Christian faith that isgrowing in prominence over the last decade. Overall, 91 percent ofyoung non-Christians and 80 percent of young churchgoers saypresent-day Christianity is "anti-homosexual."

"As the researchprobed this perception, non-Christians and Christians explained thatbeyond their recognition that Christians oppose homosexuality, theybelieve that Christians show excessive contempt and unloving attitudestowards gays and lesbians," the Barna report stated.

YoungChristians largely criticize the church, saying it has madehomosexuality a "bigger sin" than anything else and that the church hasnot helped them apply the biblical teaching on homosexuality to theirfriendships with gays and lesbians.

Among other commonimpressions, 23 percent of young non-Christians said "Christianity ischanged from what it used to be" and "Christianity in today's societyno longer looks like Jesus." Young born-again Christians were just aslikely to say the same (22 percent).

"That’s where the term'unChristian' came from," said David Kinnaman, president of The BarnaGroup who presents the findings in his new book unChristian."Young people are very candid. In our interviews, we kept encounteringyoung people – both those inside the church and outside of it - whosaid that something was broken in the present-day expression ofChristianity. Their perceptions about Christianity were not alwaysaccurate, but what surprised me was not only the severity of theirfrustration with Christians, but also how frequently young born againChristians expressed some of the very same comments as youngnon-Christians."

Research further revealed that those outside ofChristian faith have had significant experience with Christians andChristian churches. On average, young non-Christians said they havefive friends who are Christians; more than four out of five haveattended a Christian church for a period of at least six months in thepast; and half have previously considered becoming a Christian.

"Oldergenerations more easily dismiss the criticism of those who areoutsiders," Kinnaman said. "But we discovered that young leaders andyoung Christians are more aware of and concerned about the views ofoutsiders, because they are more likely to interact closely with suchpeople. Their life is more deeply affected by the negative image ofChristianity. For them, what Christianity looks like from an outsider’sperspective has greater relevance, because outsiders are more likely tobe schoolmates, colleagues, and friends."

The declining reputation of Christianity correlates with shifting faith allegiances of Americans, the study pointed out.

Eachnew generation has a larger share of people who are not Christians,which includes atheists, agnostics, people with no faith orientation orpeople associated with another faith). Among adults over the age of 40,only about one-quarter associate with a non-Christian faith compared to40 percent of 16- to 29-year-olds.

"This is not a passing fadwherein young people will become 'more Christian' as they grow up,"according to the report. "While Christianity remains the typicalexperience and most common faith in America, a fundamentalrecalibration is occurring within the spiritual allegiance of America’supcoming generations."